Daughter refusing to speak normally

[Maryahadaballtoday]

I’m at my bloody wits end with my child and I’m very close to telling her so.

I have one child (daughter she’s eight) she is my only child as a few years ago I had my tubes tied neither me or partner wanted another daughter - perfectly fine with just one and she has plenty of cousins and friends to spend time with. I

Its worth noting before I go on that my child is not neurodivergent nor is she from a broken home. Me and her dad have been together twelve years. We have never broken up nor divorced either, partly because we’ve never been married. So there’s really no need for her to be doing what she does.

Lately she has been reverting back to baby speech - saying things like chippies or icky, the worst is bobo when she wants her water bottle and it’s grinding my gears to the maximum. It’s gotten so bad that my partner will flat out ignore her.

Earlier on today she had a full on temper tantrum and kept screaming “icky icky icky” over ice cream spilling on her fingers while we were out. When I pulled her up on to her feet and sternly told her she was on thin ice she reverted back to baby speech “I no wike you” was among my top five favourites.

AIBU to ignore her like my partner is doing? Is this a phase she’ll grow out of? I’m dreading sending her back to school the week after next because her baby talk has got so bad none of her friends have wanted to spend time all summer

I really don’t need the shaming mum parade, I’d like a hand hold and for someone to tell me their kid has also been driving them beserk too

although I know I’m likely to be flamed - Mumsnet seems to be that way

"Nothing is wrong with her". How do you know, you live in her head? I'm not saying that she's ND or anything just that speaking baby language is something children do sometimes to comfort themselves and to seek comfort. The goal is not to indulge her so she goes on, but to indulge her so she stops! If you treat her like a baby : no screens, no big girl toys etc she will get sick of it and decide that it's a good thing being 8 and not 2. I did this with DS and it works. When he is stressed now he does his baby thing and I tell him come here little baby. Lasts 2 minutes and then he snaps back being the big boy he is (11). There is a pressure on children growing up too fast. Everyone tells me my DS is so mature and wellbehaved etc but he needs to be able to feel like a small child sometimes. They all do. I feel sorry for your DD because you push her away when she might need you the most.

My niece was doing this for a bit, it was just kind of a trend at her school, When the other kids stopped so did she. Could it just be an annoying fad?

Such a helpful comment. Really helping OP feel better, provides great insight.

Nothing wrong with saying broken home. OP clearly means there hasn't been some spectacular breakdown in her and her partners relationship and household that could have induced this behaviour.

Hi OP,

When DD was 7, she suddenly developed a lisp, it must have lasted for a few months. It is still a mystery of why it happened! I have a feeling she copied it from somewhere...

My child has been trained to be a robot by this six-week break. We can't afford clubs - we've had friends around as much as we could, but not enough. I'm behind with my paid work, so DC has been chained to screens.

I feel very guilty and also very trapped by our circumstances. I didn't bank on our mortgage going up so much, or salaries flat-lining.

The idea that the DC have a lovely creative time while we are too selfish to have them around is so far from the truth. My DC benefits from routine and it is very hard to keep to it while they are at home every day.

I take comfort in them being kept safe, warm, and fed, but it's no childhood. Roll on September!

I agree with this. If she is losing friends, maybe try and sit her down and see if there is something else going on in her life that is worrying her.

OP, I am still confused as to why your DD who you say has no other issues or concerning behaviours whatsoever has been assessed by three different Psychiatrists and a Psychologist.

There is absolutely no way that NHS Child and Adolescent Mental Health services would accept a referral purely because a child was using baby-talk, it just simply wouldn't happen. Even if by some miracle the referral somehow managed to slip through the net, it wouldn't be passed to Psychiatry unless there were serious concerns about her risk or it was felt she needed medication. Most children who are open to CAMHS never see a Psychiatrist. A PP supposed they could have been private practitioners, which I guess is true but I can't for the life of me fathom why anyone would engage three different private Child Psychiatrists, at great expense, for a bit of baby-talk. I mean, what is a third going to tell you that the first two didn't?

It just doesn't make sense.

I’d let her go back to school with this silly behaviour and let her teacher sort it out. She’ll soon realise she’s being ridiculous when she’s pulled up about it by someone other than her parents

I'm not sure the op's going to come back. If you do op then I am picking up a huge amount of rage and upset in your posts. I don't think you are in a good place and you have no bandwidth at all to deal with your child who is probably seeking reassurance and attention. Can your husband take her out for the day tomorrow? Can you offload her on grandparents? You need to recharge your batteries enough so you can deal with your daughter with as much kindness as you can muster. Do you have a counsellor you could talk to? I hope you find a solution. I was taught praise good behaviour, ignore bad behaviour. Praise your daughter when she talks normally and ignore the baby talk.

Yeah, this and the 'eff' off to someone who suggested a whole heap of compassion and fun with it, really struck me. Maybe she knows things are difficult and wants reassurance. I can't fathom why a silly voice could ruin a day out. She's little. Yr 4 isn't grown up. Let her be silly and stop hiding from her because of something completely trivial.

Ignore it. Parent her as right fir her age. You do your part. She has to do hers. If not she will later regret not building boundaries and staying a girl in a woman's body

Exactly - and why do kids wind their parents up? To test if their love really is unconditional or will they be rejected. You can accept an expression of feeling and still hold boundaries on behaviour. Acceptance isn’t the same as encouragement. Ignoring her is rejection, that will prove the child’s test that love is conditional and can be withdrawn and will lay the foundations for a lifetime of issues.

Yeah my daughter does stupid shite like this as well. I just ignore, ignore, ignore.

I find it mad that she’s happy even when I react negatively to it - but I suppose even bad attention is still attention isn’t it 🤷‍♀️

At least she isn’t neurodivergent or from a broken home, the two worst things anyone could possibly be 🙄

Dear OP, I have to say that I agree with some posters that you sound too upset for something so trivial. Is it possible that you are overburdened with other things happening in your life, so that this one is just a last straw?

You are also very defensive for someone who came to momsnet to ask for advice. We are not professionals and can only tell you what we think this may be, based on our own experience. Therefore, I suggest, instead of refusing to accept any and all of our suggestions, you actually think about what we are saying. The way I see it there may be multiple things happening but, in my opinion, neither one requires any kind of punishment of your child.

• She may be just experimenting, role playing, nothing serious. You can decide to not react at all or to join in the “game” and see where it takes you. Anything but “punish” like a lot of posters are suggesting. I mean she is not doing anything bad, dangerous or such.
• I know you are saying that you had her checked by multiple psychiatrists but I still think that she may be having some problems she does not know how to express. It is very difficult to get through a child at that age.
• It seems that your family is going through something and chances are that she found out or is simply feeling the tension. Instead of not talking to her, perhaps you can do the opposite. Sit her down and tell her and see how she reacts.

I’m involved in autism assessments and I can tell you that plenty of psychiatrists are.

I think you should show some compassion to your child. My child does this sometimes, and I couldn’t care less. Why does this bother you so much? Maybe reflect on that. She will stop eventually, but it will probably keep going while you make a huge deal out of it. See a GP and ask for their advice, but please don’t make her stop because it’s stressing you out. Get curious about why she’s doing it. If she suddenly started to ask for a nappy or started pooping in a corner - fair game to get upset!

I was the queen of getting specialist appointments for my son with ASD but never managed to see 3 psychiatrists by age 8. We saw a paediatrician and a psychologist. I believe psychiatrists tend to have mostly adult clients and the only children I know of who have seen them did so because they had very complex difficulties with their medication.

At the start you say you had tubes tied and didn't want another daughter. Then later you say you wish you could have more children but can't because of long Covid.

Not the same thing but my toddler has started speaking all babyish again now that her little sister is born. When I asked her why, she told me sheepishly it is because she still wants to be the baby. So it's a way to feel loved and get our attention.
Does your daughter speak like a baby all the time and doesn't speak normally now anymore? Or just sometimes throughout the day?
Is there anything bothering her - you mention her going into Y4 - is she going into a new classroom? Potentially stressed by that?

Ime they wind parents up because they're a bit of a twat.
Ignoring stupid behaviour isn't withdrawing love its ignoring stupid behaviour and I'm sure op tells dd she loves her and shows a million ways how she's loved but not pandering to her behaviour jsnt going to cause issues

@Maryahadaballtoday you say there's "nothing wrong" with her but you also say she's seen 3 psychiatrists. This is highly unusual at 8 years old. What was the reason for the psychiatrists and how did it come about?

(I say this asthenia parent of a 6 year old who has been assessed by 4 different psychologists!)

@NeverDropYourMooncup

Sooooo irritating. But I think you just have to ignore it. Has she been watching a lot of kids’ YouTube? There’s all manner of cheaply made shit on it featuring whiny cartoon babies. (Why, yes, this is the voice of experience…)