Daughter refusing to speak normally

[Maryahadaballtoday]

I’m at my bloody wits end with my child and I’m very close to telling her so.

I have one child (daughter she’s eight) she is my only child as a few years ago I had my tubes tied neither me or partner wanted another daughter - perfectly fine with just one and she has plenty of cousins and friends to spend time with. I

Its worth noting before I go on that my child is not neurodivergent nor is she from a broken home. Me and her dad have been together twelve years. We have never broken up nor divorced either, partly because we’ve never been married. So there’s really no need for her to be doing what she does.

Lately she has been reverting back to baby speech - saying things like chippies or icky, the worst is bobo when she wants her water bottle and it’s grinding my gears to the maximum. It’s gotten so bad that my partner will flat out ignore her.

Earlier on today she had a full on temper tantrum and kept screaming “icky icky icky” over ice cream spilling on her fingers while we were out. When I pulled her up on to her feet and sternly told her she was on thin ice she reverted back to baby speech “I no wike you” was among my top five favourites.

AIBU to ignore her like my partner is doing? Is this a phase she’ll grow out of? I’m dreading sending her back to school the week after next because her baby talk has got so bad none of her friends have wanted to spend time all summer

I really don’t need the shaming mum parade, I’d like a hand hold and for someone to tell me their kid has also been driving them beserk too

although I know I’m likely to be flamed - Mumsnet seems to be that way

Ignore people saying she must be nd, obviously know her best! I have an autistic child and when he reverts to baby talk I ignore him and tell him to come to me when he can speak properly.

Yep. Mocking and humiliating a child who’s already had to see a psych 3 times is definitely the way to go.

Sometimes children try to provoke what they fear - they worry they are annoying, so they annoy you to test you. What they actually want is reassurance.

Yes some child behaviour can be testing and frustrating - parenting often is. Parents need to manage their emotions and find healthy ways to express themselves.

I find all the suggestions about shaming the child quite sad. Children are children and adults are supposed to be the ones who rise above petty game playing and try and understand and help their children learn.

Why do you think coming from a broken home (absolutely disgusting term) make a child speak like that?

Life can be scary, growing up is scary, pretending to be a baby is just a comfort stage like cuddling a teddy bear. However I call bullshit and think you should just blank her, literally pretend you can't understand her or hear her. If she whines or complains in her normal voice just say I don't understand baby talk.

I work with pre schoolers, much younger than yours and many do this. Grunting, pointing, whiny noises. We say (nicely) I'm sorry I don't understand baby talk. Then they talk normally, problem solved within a few hours. Every single time. Obviously trickier if you are Mum as they will play up more but I would do this every single time. Zero tolerance.

Interesting. Both my dds did this at almost the same age.

Definitely ignore her and refuse to respond to any requests or conversations in baby language. But tell her first that from now on you will not be able to understand or respond if she speaks like that. It’s effing annoying.

It’s not indulgence, it’s acceptance. Your child needs unconditional acceptance, they test us to make sure their primary bond is secure. Can they piss you off enough that you won’t love them anymore? Do you love them enough not to reject them even when they’re realllly annoying.

You can’t change her, the only thing you can control is your own reaction. Expanding your ‘window of tolerance’ is the way to do this -therapy, deep breathing, mediation, all ways to calm your nervous system and feel less infuriated by this annoying phase.

She doesn’t have no clue something is going on, children intuit all of our emotional states.

You really need to take her to a play therapist. Yes she gets lots of love and cuddles and you say she’s fine, but there is something going on to cause this and ignoring her is only going to prove her test that maybe yours and her dads love is conditional.

You seem a bit defensive and unreceptive to posts that point this stuff out, maybe something to explore.

Why are you so certain she’s not autistic?
I would surmise this is a response to anxiety. I would help her to feel more secure at these times . If she senses you and your partner are stressed by it, it’ll be counterproductive. She’ll either do it more or try to suppress it. Neither are good.
You need to accept it and help her.

My oldest did a week of baby talking (aged 5yo) after she'd done a dance summer school where she was by far and away the youngest, and the older ones adored her as "the baby". She started putting her head on one side and lisping, and they loved it. It lasted about a week after the school, which was great because it was quite amusing over that time, but wouldn't have wanted much longer.

I don't think you're going to want to hear this but ds did baby speak much older, and I showed some of his texts at his ASD assessment (things like "mamma me scared") and it was one of the things that was taken into consideration when they diagnosed him. He didn't do so much when actually talking, but it did come out sometimes.
He hasn't done it for ages now, but I get "Mother, wilt thou tell mine sister to shut up" or "Mother, the noise of the intrepid automobile is echoing round the basement, please refrain from using the throttle" instead. And I think this is a different example of the same thing with his ASD (although a lot more funny).

Basically I ignore it and pretend he's speaking normally. I do tend to address him as "son" when he calls me "mother" but other than that I respond (often in kind).

I’d call it a broken home. What would you call it oh woke person? 😂

Is she watching YouTube? Or does she have access to unsupervised screen time where she could be learning that this is a “cool” thing to do.

Or she's just a kid doing something she knows wind's her mum up. She needs to stop talking like a baby, not being encouraged.

Completely agree. And actually even adults sometimes” test” those closest for reassurance. It’s not one of the better human traits but it’s a natural one. It’s also part of the reason why teens in young relationships will sometimes have “ trial strops.” They kind of subconsciously pick a random issue to have a falling out over so they can reassure themselves the other will try to make up. And then they do and it’s all “soooo row-man-tique ( and cringe to everyone else!) They also use baby talk 🙄🤢I don’t think this instance of baby talk is massively different. It’s trying to elicit reassurance and affection.
Edited to add: maybe just ask her op. Something like: “I’ve noticed you have started to talk like a much younger child lately even though you used to talk like an eight year old. Sometimes people do this of they are feeling a bit worried and want to feel looked after like a baby. Do you think this might be why you are doing it?

Child puts on a baby voice so must be autistic, seriously? If a child doing a normal thing like putting on a voice and carrying on knowing it annoys their parents is autistic then you might as well diagnose the entire world ffs

There is nothing "broken" about any of our homes.

99% of the time I wouldn't feel the need to comment or make any judgement on other people's homes/lives. If necessary, I would say a single parent or lone parent family.

I think the OP's child will be better when she gets back to school where adults won't consider a whole day ruined or start crying and drinking tea just because a little girl is talking in a slightly annoying way.

And I don't believe anyone would have the time, money or inclination to find 3 psychiatrists. What a palaver.

Well, she is clearly struggling. I would have thought that a parents job is to work out what it is and help rather than ignore.

I’d do as your partner is doing and totally ignore it.

my child is not neurodivergent nor is she from a broken home. Me and her dad have been together twelve years.

Oh THANK GOODNESS she isnt from a "broken home"!!

That would be just the pits!

ffs - so insulting and patronising. Such a stupid thing to say

edited - my mistake!! Sorry. You’re right.

Are you sure nothing else has happened? Your daughter’s not been left with a new babysitter, someone else? Regression to babyhood is often a sign of stress, it can happen if the child is ill, it can happen after a life changing event, it can happen after abuse, it can happen after a child has witnessed something upsetting.

This. Thank you @Life2Short4Nonsense I was just going to ask.

So OP who knows her daughter, can't say she's not ND because she hasn't been told that by experts, but you, a random on the internet, is perfectly qualified to diagnose her as being autistic.

Surely you can see how dumb that is???
Also nothing wrong with broken home. I'm from one, and actually it's a pretty good description for a lot of people whose parents break up.

It’s also a pretty good description for a lot of homes where they haven’t.

My DD's friend did this at a similar age and kept doing it (sorry) for almost 2 years! I couldn't stand to be near her so I feel your pain, she doesn't do it anymore and it was an attention seeking thing, hopefully she will snap out of it soon!

I feel your pain.

Can you park her with a relative while you get your sanity back?

Ignore her and raise this behaviour with her teacher. There's nothing wrong with her and she needs to get her head around the fact she's 8 years, not 8 months old.