Does your dh let you choose decor?

[sunnymountains]

From bed covers to wall paint, furniture, curtains, cushions dh will choose the lot and with no pink or anything remotely feminine everything is blue or very male looking.
I grew up with my mum mainly choosing the home furnishings but then my dad had no interest in anything like that so was happy to leave her to it and wouldn't have noticed anything different anyway.
I do think it's nice he takes an interest but I'd like some input, every room in our house is blue and masculine looking and as a woman I'd like some of my own touches.
Is this a bit unusual?

Same. And 3 years in we still haven't chosen a light fixture for the living room.

Our bedroom is pink, because I wanted it pink, and we both love it. If DH had been adamant that he didn’t want pink we’d have had something else.

When we bought the house I really wanted a pink front door. I said so to MIL and DH said “you’re not having a pink front door” to which MIL replied “I bet she does…” We do have a pink front door, because no one else in the street has one and there were 4 with the same colour with the one DH wanted so he relented.

I have 3 other rooms that are blue. I chose those colours too.

My DH is like this and I don’t really want to be with him anymore. He’s shrunk me into a joyless person.

I know couples that couldn't agree so they divided up the rooms/areas and each decorated as they preferred for their 50% of them.

If your DH won’t ‘let’ you do anything, it’s time to rethink the relationship.

I kind of wish DH had no interest in what we do with the house! He wants input on all the decisions, but almost never wants to have the conversation, doesn't remember it when we do (TBF, he almost certainly has ADHD like DS) and finds it really hard to make his mind up about things like curtains, lighting or tiles, but still won't leave it to me. Oh, and then changes his mind.

I have sometimes spent weeks having conversations about decor, finally agreed something, and when I remind him the decorator is coming, he doesn't want the colour we agreed on anymore. TBF again, last time he did that he actually made the right call because the colour we were thinking had suddenly become a bit of a cliched trend and we got something more timeless and blessedly unfashionable instead.

He claims he wants interesting decor but almost always chickens out when I suggest any strong colours.

But otherwise we at least have fairly similar tastes!

Ps op it bled into other parts of the relationship until I woke up the other week and realised I’m not ‘allowed’ to do anything. Like living with a manager!!

Absolutely he does. And it was his house. It's decorated how I want it. He's not that bothered and it was a bland cream canvas when I got here. I occasionally ask him what he thinks. He doesn't wallpaper. I do. I do the painting and decor etc. He does 90% of the cooking and i do most housework as i wfh and we share the rest. I occasionally run things by him re big buys like our new furniture in the living room. And we would together buy a new bed or main settee... I have a new 2 seater in mustard coming for the snug on Wednesday though and he's never even seen a picture 🤣🤣
I'd be furious if he changed stuff I put in the house

What happens if someone buys you an ornament or cushion as a present and he doesn’t like it?

I try to involve DH in decor but basically he doesn’t care, can literally see him glazing over. Occasionally he comes home with an ornament or picture. Usually I can’t stand it but I try and find it somewhere and not in the downstairs loo.

DH thinks I have more of an 'eye' for this stuff so is generally happy for me to take the lead when it comes to colour schemes, furniture, lighting etc. It probably matters more to me, and he realises that so he'll usually go along with what I want. If he really doesn't like something though he'll say and then we'll find a compromise together. We do have similar tastes though. With smaller things like bedding, cushions etc I wouldn't feel the need to run it by him, if I see something I like I'll get it.

Your DH's attitude to this stuff is not normal, OP. He clearly sees the house as being 'his'. I couldn't live like that, I love my home and my environment has a big impact on my Mental Health. I'd be so resentful in your shoes.

Controlling sexist prick

My husband and I chose the paint colours together because it’s OUR house.

Have you never said ‘actually Tim I don’t like those cushions/that colour paint/those curtains’ and then challenge him on why you don’t get a say? I couldn’t let it go.

I wouldn't tolerate that one bit!

Yeah, that's not right.
Not one for compromise is he?

What do you mean let, you're a grown adult he doesn't own you and you don't need his permission and that goes both ways.

I tend to do the research and present options (in other areas of our domestic life roles are reversed). But we discuss everything and if DH doesn't like would find an alternative. If I feel really strongly about something he tends to defer. But I would expect this to work both ways and it does - as I say in other areas he takes the lead.

I wouldn't want to live in a home where I had no input on how it looked and I'm concerned (you think?) your H would override you to the point of returning items you'd bought.

Just buy things like bedding and put it on the bed. Is he really going to strip it off and take it back??

Buy a vase just cos you like it. Or a mirror.

I choose most of ours cos DH isn't massively interested. But if he likes or wants something he just gets it and we find a place for it.

Do that.

What else does he not 'let' you do?

My partner doesn’t “let” me do anything.

It was my house before he lived here but I had only finished decorating the living room, downstairs loo, my office, master bedroom and en-suite. Since he’s moved in he’s painted the sunroom the colour I wanted which he just so happened to like. I’ve done the dressing room head to toe in pink as I already had everything for it before he moved in, it’s a room he uses daily. We have jointly decided how the kitchen will be done but he’s taken the lead on it as he had a good idea that after discussion I also liked. Our daughter’s nursery was also a joint decision. I have no thoughts on the family bathroom so he will take the lead on it and we’ll discuss his ideas so that we’re both in agreement but he’s got good taste so I’ll probably just agree with him anyway.

As others have said your husband sounds very controlling and that’s a concern. It’s your home too.

My DH has no interest and I make decisions. I always run it by him and get his opinion. 90% of the time, he's happy to go along with what I choose.

But there's a whole range of colours that aren't blue and pink - maybe the two of you could find some compromise points e.g a yellow patterned blanket to go with the blue duvet cover.

I used to live with a man like this, literally 'Sleeping With the Enemy' territory.
It was unbelievably liberating when I left.
He's unfairly suppressing your opinions to put it mildly OP.

It feels like I’ve been transported back to the 1950’s or something. Even then I suspect the housewife’s of that era, had the majority of the say in most home decor choices.

Look up coercive control. Give it another 5 years and this sort of controlling behaviour will seep in to other areas of your life and chip away at you and your confidence. You aren’t a child and you are equally as entitled to choose how you want your home to look. If he can’t agree then I’d see if you can agree to decorate at least one room the way you’d like.

Personally I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone that treats me like a child. It’s irrelevant if sometimes choices go sideways, that’s life! It happens to everyone.

When I was feeling exceptionally generous, I would allow him to have a say.

Then I'd carry on with my original plan.

What is it with some men and the colour pink. Do they think if they look at it too long they'll become gay? Arseholes 🙄

Mr Figgs is happy to leave the decor to me but I still ask his opinion because he lives here too.

☝️this.
I'm worried about you OP. You are in an abusive relationship. Look at doing the freedom programme to understand more about how you are being abused. freedomprogramme.co.uk/search2.php