Would you be happy with this?

[Notadoormat4]

DH bought me an expensive present at Christmas. I was very grateful but didn't particularly need it, I get the same equipment from my workplace. Now I need to get it insured in order to use it in the workplace.

I had asked for a few bits that I needed and could've been bought from one shop. Wouldn't have cost more than £30/£40.

He then announced because it was so expensive I wouldn't be receiving any gifts for the next two years for anything - my birthday, Mother's Day, anniversary, Christmas.

We have children.

YABU - he's fine with what he's done
YANBU - he's being incredibly unfair

There is no easy answer one way or another really. I could see where if I’d bought DH a very expensive gift or vice versa then we would agree that it was more than just a Christmas present and would also be in place of other presents, because if say it was £1000, that would be how much I’d spend on 2 birthdays & Christmas usually so it would be a case of that’s the present and there won’t be another until X.

It also depends on finances, if money is no issue then it seems petty to say you get nothing else for the next 2 years. If finances are tight then I can see where it’s fair to say “well that cost £x, I’d usually have spent that on 3 or 4 sets of presents so I won’t be able to buy anything else”.

The exception though for me is Mothers Day. You have children, Mothers Day presents are “from” them not him, I’m sure they’ll want to have something to give you. And realistically how much is spent on a bunch of flowers and a bar of choc for Mothers Day? In the grand scheme of things you could have flowers, chocolate and a card for £10. So that one does just seem unnecessarily petty.

Sorry forgot to add - he did ask if I wanted this and I said no thank you.

I'd be pissed off at him deciding to buy me something expensive I hadn't asked for, and didn't necessarily want. And then telling me I was getting nothing else for 2 years.

I'd probably sell it and keep the money, buying the £40 gift I had actually requested.

Given your update he's a twat.

Odd to say you won't get a mother's day present!! Surely the point of that is that it is a gift from the children, not from him, so that should be entirely separate. He can still get you a present from the children, it doesn't have to be huge or expensive, just thoughtful. A nice book, a new jumper, a pair of gloves, a framed photo whatever.

I’d of made him return it

Sell it and spend the money on stuff you actually want..

Couldn’t you have returned the gift if you didn’t want it?

Very mean of him to then decide you get no other gifts for that long though, he sounds totally thoughtless.

That's ridiculous, and so transactional. Some people are weird as fuck about present giving. Announcing you won't get any presents for two years is basically saying he can't be arsed and you're not allowed to get upset about it. But you are.

Could you return it or sell it if not returnable?

Yuck. Despite the fact that you didn’t want the present in the first place, to say that’s your birthday and Xmas present for the next two years is gross.

Sell it and buy something that you actually want.

Sounds like it's a good time to make a "no presents ever again", announcement: you do not wish to give gifts to or receive gifts from any other adult. Just be one of those families where gifts are for children only.

oh that's just the cherry on the cake.
He's taking the absolute piss

No point in selling it because he said he will have the money back.

It couldn't be returned as he had it too long to be able to return it after Christmas. I've had it a while now and it only made me think when my sister asked me what I'd got for my birthday, I'd obviously said nothing as I'd got such and such at Christmas.

No, that's ridiculous. If you specifically told him you didn't want the present and it's something that you can easily access at work anyway (and you've got to pay to insure it) it was very thoughtless and quite silly of him.

If it had been a mutual decision to buy a new car or have a nice holiday instead of individual presents for a few years then that's a different matter but this just sounds bonkers. Why did he forge ahead anyway? Has he got previous? Was it a total misunderstanding?

Is the expensive present something that also benefits him by any chance?

I only buy for the children and grandparents anyway. Stopped giving to his siblings a long time ago....that's another story (they forget my children's birthdays)

No, only that he doesn't haven't to think about gifts for the next two years.

In which case gift it back to him at Christmas and buy yourself something nice.

He is so far out of order I don't know what to say!

What do you mean he would have the money back if you sold it?
The gift is yours to do as you wish, if you want to sell it sell it and tell him to sod off if he has his hands out.

FFS, he asked you if you wanted it and you said no, so he bought it and told you that you can't have any more presents for years to come because the unwanted gift was so expensive.

Is he incredibly stupid?

Do you share finances, OP? Are you working? Are you happy with him generally?

He can't have the money back if it is in your own bank account.

Sell the item without telling him. It is yours to sell if you wish.

You are being reasonable towards an unreasonable person. You need to sink to his level.

Sounds like he wanted the wow factor of giving you a “ big” present even though you didn’t want it, did he tell your family and friends about the generous gift he gave you? A gift should be about the recipient rather than the giver. He’s a twat. My DH did this once with something he thought I should have rather than the cheaper version that I actually wanted ( more expensive was not better in this case) luckily it could be returned.

He can't steal the money from your hand. Personally I would spend it on a divorce..

I'd be so disappointed and hurt that he doesn't listen to you. The fact that you'll get no gifts from him is mean. I'd buy him only very small token gifts for Christmas and birthday. Save the money you to would normally have spent to treat yourself to what you wanted.