Would you be happy with this?

[Notadoormat4]

DH bought me an expensive present at Christmas. I was very grateful but didn't particularly need it, I get the same equipment from my workplace. Now I need to get it insured in order to use it in the workplace.

I had asked for a few bits that I needed and could've been bought from one shop. Wouldn't have cost more than £30/£40.

He then announced because it was so expensive I wouldn't be receiving any gifts for the next two years for anything - my birthday, Mother's Day, anniversary, Christmas.

We have children.

YABU - he's fine with what he's done
YANBU - he's being incredibly unfair

This is the best news I've read from you OP!! It's SO good to see that you actually realise that this behaviour isn't right, and that you're no longer prepared to put up with it. Please come back and tell us when you're preparing to make the move, so that we can offer you support. Meanwhile, treat the selfish git with the contempt that he obviously feels for you. Sending a supportive hug your way.

He's an absolute dick.
He can't take the money back from a present he bought you two years ago! It's yours.
Sell it and put the money towards that deposit OP.

The whole thing is really shit of him, but the no Mother's Day present is really sad because it's about the kids as much as you.
My ex was useless and my kids used to get stressed and feel sad before Mother's day and my birthday because they didn't have anything to give me when they were too little to do it themselves. If course I told them it didn't matter, but they love giving me a present and card.

Honestly, he really is a dickhead for doing this.

I hate the game playing and tit for tat often suggested on MN but this is ridiculously selfish.

Perhaps you should suggest that as it was such a stretch you’ll both stop present buying except for the kids until he feels more financially comfortable again.

It isn't that he can't afford to, he can but as it was an expensive item I just took it for what it is.

I'll probably keep going with token gifts that are from the children as they don't need to be dragged into this!

It isn't that he can't afford to, he can but as it was an expensive item I just took it for what it is.
That makes it even worse in my eyes. He can afford it but he's still punishing you because he "had" to spend his money.

It seems he's really done a number on you so congratulations on starting to see that he isn't that nice a person and what he is doing isn't normal. I wish you well in your escape to normality and freedom. When you get time I suggest you download the free pdf of Lundy Bancroft's Why does he do that? Very eye opening.

I'd spend the next few years buying him gifts that you want.

i would get the free laptop from work and then it does keep things separate and let the other one he bought gather dust on a shelf.
it’s a form of abuse. Tell people what he did when they ask. He bought you a laptop you didn’t ask for and announced no presents.
get the receipt so he doesn’t try and claim it back in the divorce!

Several points to this a) if you can get the same equipment from work, it doesn't particularly sound like a thoughtful gift b) again if you can get it from work it was unnecessary c) HE decided to spend the amount of money d) it's better to teach your children that it's not the amount of money you spend on someone - it's the thought and effort.

Material/expensive things don't impress me at all - I'm happy with small quirky things that make me smile or my husband laughs as I love a cute pair of socks - I'm a bit weird though I guess.

Oh and mothers day is for your children to spoil you - handmade card, a cup of tea etc - it's most definitely NOT about money.

I'd sell it because it will wind him.up and teach him No means No.

Talk about strings attached! He’s a knobhead.

So what did you actually get for a present
I am being nosy by the way

A laptop if you read OPs posts.

Was it something he wanted really? Odd to buy something that you’d already said you didn’t want….

Wonder if it was a case of him thinking he could benefit too

He sounds a right prick to be honest, can’t you tell him to return it, although he doesn’t seem to listen to anything else you say 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yip. If this is an electrical item is it something that interested him and floated his boat to buy, weirdly I think people can be like that even if they won't be using it, they just sort of buzz for researching and buying it

Oh that is sad. Sorry you’re not happy, but life is just too damned short to be miserable and feel unloved/unheard/unappreciated.

Good luck making a positive change FOR YOU x

I’m sure he is pulling your leg!

Simple. Accept a work laptop top and then gift him the lap top he gave to you. It could be his birthday and Xmas rolled in to one regardless if he wants it or not

I was coming on to say this sounds like the tip of a controlling, abusive ice berg. Pleased you’re getting away from him.

@Pineappleprep the only person ever to post on mumsnet expressing their desire to receive a gift that measures their day to say exposure to radiation😂😂

The crux is of course that he asked you if you wanted it, you said no, he ignored you and bought it anyway and then imposed conditions for buying something you specifically said you didn't want.
You've clarified he is exactly what these actions indicate he would be. Controlling, self centred, arogant, disrespectful and selfish. You can only do this if you have these personality traits, because if you don't have these traits you don't buy expensive gifts for someone who has said explicitly to you they don't want it. You respect their decision.

God, a laptop, it’s akin to a hoover. It’s not a bloody present.

tell him to return the unwanted gift, that you didn't want it in the first place and to stop being a twat ......... sounds like he's taking the easy way out of gifting to you really and thats not a very nice quality to have. tell him also that as there isn't any further funds for gifts that includes things for him that aren't absolutely necessary , see how he likes it

I think even without your update he is in the wrong.

You asked for something, he bought you something else and then imposed a ban. What makes it worse is that you don't need it anyway, so it's not even a nice surprise.

I don't understand his way of thinking.

😂 great suggestion