Would you be happy with this?

[Notadoormat4]

DH bought me an expensive present at Christmas. I was very grateful but didn't particularly need it, I get the same equipment from my workplace. Now I need to get it insured in order to use it in the workplace.

I had asked for a few bits that I needed and could've been bought from one shop. Wouldn't have cost more than £30/£40.

He then announced because it was so expensive I wouldn't be receiving any gifts for the next two years for anything - my birthday, Mother's Day, anniversary, Christmas.

We have children.

YABU - he's fine with what he's done
YANBU - he's being incredibly unfair

A gift with more strings than a puppet.
He's a weird attitude to the concept of gift giving.

Seriously, to not get anything at all is really* *mean of spirit. I love gift giving and receiving gifts. A box of Lindor, paperback and a good bubble bath would have cost him less than 15 quid and would have been thoughtful. Something fun to open on the day. I can't understand him not getting you anything from the kids on Mother's Day - not even a bunch of flowers or a cake? He doesn't sound very nice.

Wow, throw this one back. Was he always such a tight wad?

No wonder he's an ex. It's so weird how many people have such financially transactional relationships even when they have children. It's not what I would consider a 'family' at all

I'd have made him return it

What a twat !
this would give me the serious ick, such an unattractive quality, being tight and disrespectful ☹️

I'd just buy a token gift from the kids for him going forward (like £10 value) plus card.

I'd buy my self a small item for kids to give me.

And tell him don't bother anymore because you won't be.

I wonder if he got a very good deal on it or even if he won it somewhere, which is why you got landed with it! Has he always been weird about gifts?

That sounds very unkind of him. That’s not the reason for gifts - to then take away all celebrations going forward - what a dick move.
:( that isn’t kind at all. As if celebrations are some kind of chore - he should be happy and excited to show you some kindness on Mother’s Day, etc -

this isn’t loving. This is very sad

Sounds like he bought it in a ‘black Friday’ sale for himself, then thought better if it and gave it to you.

Presents don’t need to be expensive. We are not big present givers. But the gesture of care is important, including demonstrating to the kids that giving works both ways. As you earn all the money, you can buy yourself whatever you want, but then the gesture isn’t there. It would be easy to be pig headed and say that means no presents for him either, but I don’t think that would help. I think you need to talk about this and draw a line under it. No more silly ‘Mummy got an expensive present 2 years ago, so can’t have one now’.

I really could not deal with this behaviour.
If it was me I would consider selling the laptop and treating myself with any money I got (as work are providing one).
I would buy what I wanted for myself in the future and give the dc money to buy me a token gift going forward which they would choose.
I would start saving secretly for a divorce.

Buy him token gifts.
Buy yourself the thing you want.
Sell the expensive gift on ebay if he never sees it anyway.

Resolve to buy each other small gifts in future.

Your husband is a controlling and thoughtless twat. Sorry OP.

He can’t keep the money if you sell it, it was a gift. I would sell it and buy myself something nice. Preferably a divorce lawyer.

No presents from the kids on Mother’s Day is mean beyond belief.

@PKNI Many food production lines include an X-ray scanner to check for foreign bodies, bits of metal, bones, stones etc. Also to check that bottles and cans are full.

The geiger counter is just used for H&S checks to make sure the machines aren't leaking X-rays.

He did this because in his tiny mind it frees him from having to bother buying you a present for the next 2 years.

Sell the laptop that you told him you didn't want and use the money to buy things you want, when you want them. Designate them as birthday and Christmas gifts if it makes you feel better, but in reality that's a charade that serves little purpose.

Talk to him about how it's not big expensive gestures that you want but for him to show that he cares about you, listens and knows you so knows what you like and he's currently failing on all of these.

In future buy each other token presents and just buy your own stuff as and when you want it.

*I'd have made him return it.

Oh well, he sounds like a fucking charmer doesn't he?

What kind of dickhead buys you an expensive present and then declares he's getting you fuck all for TWO YEARS?

Sell it, immediately spend the money on something else, and if he says anything, tell him that you did it because he bought you a duplicate device, wasted money and then declared no presents, so you are buying your own gifts now
.
Id be getting him nothing either for 2 years... Except a possible divorce.

OP, how much was this laptop?

I think your DH is an arsehole tbh. He made a choice to buy you something, even after you declined. There was no agreement about it at all, he has made that up himself.

I think your DH is a cheap bastard tbh. I got DS a laptop for his birthday, It was my choice. Why would I punish him by not buying him anything again for years?

This is what your husband is doing to you. Punishing you for his own choices.

Yes because that’s sensible…. Throwing in the towel and an entire relationship just because of a gift situation

He sounds horrible. I'm not a big gift person but it's cold to buy you one expensive gift you didn't want (for work use 😱) and that's it for years.

Action plan. Get the upgrade off work. Sell your laptop (saving on insurance). Have a plan what to do with the money and spend it immediately. I suggest jewellery or a holiday/ trip.

I can absolutely guarantee that this is just one small example of what kind of controlling twat he is.

He ignores her wants and needs
He punishes her unfairly
He dismisses her thoughts and feelings.
He's arrogant

I'll bet good money this isn't an isolated thing...

What a knob. This isn't like an ugly top that you can hide for a while and then surreptitiously get rid of, it's an expensive item! I'm wondering if he actually bought it far cheaper than it should have been, hence the insistence on you not being able to return it.

For the record you are absolutely not ungrateful or greedy. He asked you if you wanted it, you said no (for good reason, not because you wanted something more expensive) and he got it for you anyway, then said because of the expense you aren't getting any more presents for 2 years. Also wondering if he will pull this stunt again, or sneakily extend the no presents period for spurious reasons.

I repeat, what a knob.

You've pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Plans are in place already. It won't be too much longer until I have enough for a deposit to rent and buy basic bits that we will need.

Total unreasonable of him! Tell him you will stop buying eachother gifts for 2 years then!

Good for you. If you sold the present you would have it a little bit quicker 😉 To be honest having to insure yours is a waste of money if work will do it for theirs anyway. It's just an all round faff and money pit. Get rid (of both).