Would you be happy with this?

[Notadoormat4]

DH bought me an expensive present at Christmas. I was very grateful but didn't particularly need it, I get the same equipment from my workplace. Now I need to get it insured in order to use it in the workplace.

I had asked for a few bits that I needed and could've been bought from one shop. Wouldn't have cost more than £30/£40.

He then announced because it was so expensive I wouldn't be receiving any gifts for the next two years for anything - my birthday, Mother's Day, anniversary, Christmas.

We have children.

YABU - he's fine with what he's done
YANBU - he's being incredibly unfair

I think he wanted to please me but it made me feel uncomfortable receiving it.
No OP. He really didn't. If he really wanted to make you happy he could have bought those £40 items, or if seriously broke what about just a bunch of flowers, cake and card as a minimum (a measly tenner). Has he done that?

Buy him something extremely feminine like a silk nighty and matching wrap for Christmas or his next birthday OP. When he looks at you and says what on earth have you bought me this for, just say, well I thought you might like it, but if you don't want it, you can always give it to me, in place of the presents you haven't bought me for the last 12 months, you miserable BASTARD!

It’s baffling that someone can say ‘no’ they don’t want that present…and he buys it anyway and then tells them that they now get no other presents for years, simply because he’s an idiot.

OP, buy him something you can benefit from for his birthday. Then tell him he gets nothing else for years. It’s about a stupid as an idea as he deserves.

Tell him you're using/keeping it at the office. Sell it and put the money in your own bank account. Buy yourself nice things.

So at the time he bought it, it wouldn’t have been provided by work? They only announced that in the July after you received it.

Still, you didn’t want it so it’s a bit shit of him. Did he buy it before asking whether you wanted it?

@Notadoormat4

It's quite straightforward. He's set the bar so just follow suit!

Buy him the £300 Dyson hair dryer or a washing machine and tell him that's it for the next 3 years!

He did ask and I said no.

I already had one provided from work however not as good as the one given at Christmas. In July, work announced they were going to provide the same as I got at Christmas. I don't have to personally insure the work one, my home one I will.

As it got closer, he just reminded me not to expect anything as agreed.

OP, he sounds horrid! The run up to a birthday should be nice and exciting, not filled with “don’t expect anything.” And also the “as agreed” but gets me as you DIDNT agree this, he just decided to do it!

In answer to your title question “would you be happy with this?”
Not. At. All.
I would be so sad about it. I’m lucky that my boyfriend is a thoughtful gift buyer and if he told me I was getting no presents for the next two years I’d be so sad.

It also makes me sad for you that until your sister pointed this out, you thought this was pretty acceptable/normal? It’s absolutely rubbish from him. And the way you so casually say that if you sold it, he would keep the money, as if that’s okay? When it’s a gift he bought for you. He really doesn’t sound very nice OP. And it sounds like you just allow it.

Also when you say about the last gift you got him, that he threw it in your face, do you mean metaphorically or literally? I really hope he literally didn’t chuck it at you.

I hope you’re okay!

Give it to him for his next birthday and tell him he isn't getting presents for 2 years now either.

Metaphorically! As my birthday gift to him wasn't anywhere near as expensive. However, for both Christmas and his birthday he received what he asked for.

It did really upset me, I was just told I'm being ungrateful and greedy.

I wouldn't want to keep the money other than to buy the things I actually needed/wanted but I have used it and will keep using it.

I'm genuinely happy to receive token gifts!

This is really not good. Who is he to buy you something you don't want It's really not good, is it?

There has to be more to this in terms of it not being the first time he's been an epic dickhead. He sounds awful. I too would be upset.

It's just weird.

This is so insane...but presumably must be part of a bigger problem? He can't be an all round great guy and this is just one weird thing.

What else does he do? And why are you with him?

I don’t think what he did was right but I’m wondering HOW he thought it was ok.

So it was an upgrade on your old laptop. And he couldn’t have known your work was going to offer the upgrade seven/eight months later.

Had you been moaning about your old laptop?

I’m thinking he bought the laptop BEFORE he asked you if you wanted it and when you said no, it was too late to return it. Usually you get extended returns over the holidays to take gift ‘mistakes’ into account so presumably he had bought it at least a month before Christmas.

It was shitty to commit you to essentially two years worth of gifts in one present without discussing with you first. Are you still getting presents from the kids?

No moaning about the laptop - I wasn't actually using it during that time as I wasn't at work. He has tried to persuade to buy one for myself but I couldn't justify the cost of it. Plus work provide and would replace if needed. Obviously no one knew would make this offer.

No presents at all. Just one card.

He's being unfair
I take more care in choosing gifts for work colleagues! He's treating it like some kind of financial transaction when it should be more
"I knew you would love this"
"I saw this and thought of you"

I'm single so don't take any notice of this but I would be "fuck it, no more gifts then either way" and just buy your own. Then LTB

My father did this to my late mum... Continually

I think probably because he just couldn't be arsed.

Him 'I was thinking those xyz (often expensive) are a good idea? "

Her:' Please don't get me them /it for a present... I don't like /won't use it... (you had to be direct he NEVER understood hints). I'd much prefer these books /music /plants..

The (unwanted) present turns up gift wrapped for birthday /xmas... 🙄.

Mother was told she had to be grateful even though he said he knew she didn't want it..

Present giving was miserable for her...

He would be getting fuck all from me for the rest of his shitty life. You're 'greedy and ungrateful'? Why should you be grateful for something you explicitly said you didn't want?

The bit that made me laugh was him saying that if you sold it, he'd take the money. What the actual fuck kind of husband even thinks like this?

So, no. None of this is normal or reasonable. And no, he wasn't 'trying to please' you. He was trying to make his own life easier, so he never needs to think of a gift for you again, the miserable twat that he is.

Please, please tell us that you're not letting him use the bloody thing?

That's outrageous. I could understand if your birthday was mid Dec or early Jan & he'd bought an expensive present you actually wanted. Saying it was a joint bday/Christmas would still be miserable but acceptable but for everything for 2 years? No fuck that

I'd be taking what would normally be spent on your presents out of your joint account as each occasion approaches and buy yourself something

Could you not mention it to your work and get the free one that you won't need to insure?

Sounds like he figured if he buys you a one off expensive gift, this gets him out of any effort for the next 2 years, bet he’s really pleased with himself! The fact he asked if you wanted it and you said no, but he got it anyway is so selfish!

If you use it for work it's not a thoughtful gift is it?

Like buying a decorator new ladders.

Useful I suppose.

Good grief! No, I wouldn't be happy with any of that, and I doubt anyone would. There are so many reasons he's wrong, but it's all be covered. I would absolutely tell him that we're no longer exchanging gifts, then spend whatever you would have put toward his gift on nice things for yourself.

I can't believe someone who behaves this way can be a decent husband in many other ways. He has to be either utterly clueless or entirely lacking in respect and love. I do sympathise with people who struggle to think up amazing gift ideas, but this is obviously something else. What would possess someone to buy a specific gift after the intended recipient has clearly said they don't want it?

I did not have this exact scenario with my ExH but I had similar.

In the end we did no presents for each other at Christmas and birthdays.

It wasn't worth the aggro.

I bought myself stuff I wanted, or as the kids got older they bought me stuff (I generally don't want much).