Huge row with DH over food safety - who is BU?

[namechange294824]

NC'ed on the off chance this is outing!

DH and I are both 34. We've been in the process of moving house over the past 2 months, and are finally in a position to have guests in the house (i.e. we have a dining table and chairs). Moving hasn't been without its challenges and there have been some really stressful bits, but on the whole it's been fairly straightforward, and we don't have kids.

Invited DH's parents (mid/late 60s) to dinner on Tuesday night. I offered to cook. I prepared a starter, a main, and a dessert on Monday night, ready to go in the fridge for ease of serving quickly on Tuesday (I was going to be getting in from work only 20 mins or so before they arrived so it made sense to pre-prepare.) I spent 3.5 hours cooking/baking on Monday, which wiped out my entire post-work evening. No drama; I'd offered to do it, and I enjoy cooking.

But throughout this 3.5 hours DH could not help himself from repeatedly putting his head round the door and being critical - why hadn't I done X? Was I going to bother putting Y in the bin or is it going to be left on the side forever? So on, so forth. I asked him to stop, and he didn't. He probably whinged at me 5 times about separate trivial things whilst I was cooking.

The main dish needed a long while in the oven. It was 9.15pm at this point and he had totally exhausted me with his bitching and griping. I told him I just wanted to shower and go to bed and asked him to take the food out of the oven once the timer went off, which would have been at 10pm.

He did that. But he then failed to put it in the fridge, leaving it out overnight on the countertop. He was watching telly until about midnight, well after the point it would have cooled enough to go in the fridge.

I was so furious in the morning that after a night of whinging and sniping at me he'd not even had the thought to properly put away the food I'd spent so long cooking.

His position: the food's fine, it had foil on it anyway, just crack on and serve it tonight

My position: it's a meat dish (with pork in) and I don't feel comfortable serving it to his parents who are in their 60s after it's been left out overnight in the middle of August

He cancelled the dinner plans, and told his mum it was because we'd had an argument (which we had, I guess, but now I feel really humiliated and almost ashamed that their evening was spoiled because of us).

So... who is BU?

You haven’t explained the science though. I still don’t understand where these food poisoning bacteria are supposed to come from, if the casserole has been cooked for a long time and has been covered.

Even less if a problem then! No wonder there is so much food waste in this country.

No. The danger zone refers to the fridge. If you put warm or hot food in the fridge which raises the temperature to between 5 and 57 degrees everything in the fridge will be subject to the bacteria which multiplies in this zone.

The bacteria doesn’t come from the food itself as long as it’s been cooked through and thoroughly reheated. The danger comes from putting it in the fridge if it’s hot or warm enough to raise the temperature in the fridge to between 5 and 57C which is the danger zone for bacteria to multiply, and would affect everything in the fridge.

Yep. Unbelievable that so many people are not understanding the actual risk - which is putting hot/warm food into a fridge. Left out to cool as long as it’s covered is fine. When it’s completely cold (next morning) refrigerate. The hysteria is unbelievable.

But throughout this 3.5 hours DH could not help himself from repeatedly putting his head round the door and being critical - why hadn't I done X? Was I going to bother putting Y in the bin or is it going to be left on the side forever? So on, so forth. I asked him to stop, and he didn't. He probably whinged at me 5 times about separate trivial things whilst I was cooking.

What the fuck am I reading? Why on earth are you tolerating this kind of treatment? Honestly, what are you thinking staying with such a horrible, immature, abusive man child? And then I read you're actually thinking about having children with this man? The same man who slagged you off to his mother and then cancelled dinner because of his own idiocy.

Raise your bar.

I’m not talking about putting it in the fridge. I’m talking about leaving it at room temperature.

Of course you couldn't serve it. It was his responsibility to resolve it. Telling his parents you argued is shitty. Now it looks like you don't want them there.

I'd expect him to apologise and explain to his parents why the meal was cancelled

Yes, sorry. Not clear, but I was agreeing with you.

He’s a man. There’s your answer.

His parents have now invited us for a drink at their local this evening - I’ll see if he’s suitably contrite!

Absolutely would eat meat left out all night and have done. It's fine!

Exactly. In fact, the PIL probably also do this sort of thing all the time, because they're old enough to not have this ridiculous modern misconception that meat turns into poison if it's out of the fridge for 5 minutes.

Totally baffling why people think this now. If you tell them what you fell out about, they'd probably pull a confused face and be sad about the wasted food for no reason.

He's being a dick op. For all the reasons you highlight.

What time was he expected to stay up to, to put the food in the fridge?

If he'd put food from the oven straight into the fridge he would have raised the internal temperature of the fridge and created a lovely environment for the nasties on any raw meats etc in there to multiply for some hours.

It should only have gone into the fridge once it was down to room temperature but that would have been really late if it only came out the oven at 10pm.

If the meat was something like a casserole, and properly cooked-through then left with foil on to cool to room temperature, it would have been absolutely fine to pop it in the fridge first thing in the morning, then taken out and heat to piping-hot to serve it that night.

Wonderful! Carry on, carry on.

Yeah, just don't feed it to people without letting them know that's how you've stored it. Make sure they are free to make their own decision about what risks they are comfortable to take

Yep. It is. Pork used to have a reputation of being unsafe - because of past farming and processing methods. Tapeworm was one of the issues from undercooked pork. Not any more, so pork is no more likely to ‘poison’ you than any other meat. To me, it’s inconceivable that someone would throw away perfectly good food like this, but then I’m from an older generation and remember the days when not everyone had a fridge and we relied on our noses rather than sell and use by dates.

I often leave dishes out overnight.

"bacteria in the food (which escaped the original heating or came from the foil) can reproduce and become sufficiently numerous to cause food poisoning."

Escaped the heating how? The dish and the foil had been in the oven for hours hadn't they?

Oh yes of course because it's OP's job to police everything the big baby does and doesn't do because he is an idiot not an adult.

Same

I guess it depends on where you are and how long it would have taken to fully cool. If it was fairly dense it may not have been cool enough to refrigerate at midnight.
It's not warm here (Highlands) so I would have put it in the fridge in the morning and happily served it to guests. But that's not really the issue.
I think I would be more upset that dinner was cancelled and your dp told his parents it was because you had argued. He could have bought steaks and a salad and served that. We have an unwritten rule that we always present a united front and never "tell tales"

I made a huge pan of chilli yesterday evening, wasn’t cool by the time I went to bed, left it out overnight, refrigerated it this morning. It wasn’t a hot evening, temperatures are mild at the moment. I’ve done this multiple times and never had a problem. I wouldn’t do this with chicken though. I would be annoyed at the fact he had cancelled and said it was because you had an argument.

What? How thick do you need to be to leave food (meat) out, overnight in August? Why are you sympathetic to this unpleasant, unhelpful individual?