Page 4 | Husband has secretly given kids an e-scooter

PortaRoast · 2024-08-22T10:09:42+00:00

The title says it all really. I found out from a friend last night that my kids have an e-scooter and that at least one of them has been using it while I'm at work. It turns out DH bought it for them on Saturday and decided not to tell me. I've always said absolutely no to getting one because they're illegal to use on the road and (in my opinion) very dangerous for kids to be on. Our kids are 14 and 17. If I put my foot down and make him get rid of it the kids will be upset with me, but I don't want to allow them to use it either. I don't know how to handle this and I'm absolutely furious that this has been done behind my back. So, AIBU for being so angry with DH or is it no big deal and do I need to chill about it?

Justwantosay · 22/08/2024 15:08

StormingNorman · 22/08/2024 14:55

You’ll be the bad guy anyway. Get the e-scooter, take some photos, stick it on eBay or wherever and give the kids the money. At least you’ll win back a few brownie points with the cash.

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I would do this too. Your DC are old enough to understand why.

My DH's uncle bought e-scooters for my DC 2 years ago. When they were 6 and 4! He is a bit of an idiot and still asks if the DC go out on them. We just say no. Real answer is we gave them away before the DC had even seen them.

Original poster

PortaRoast · 22/08/2024 15:16

I think I need to clarify a few details which I didn't think would be important. I know there is an e-scooter. I know my 14 year old son has been using it on the road (I asked him). I don't care if it's in the garage, shed, boot of the car, that's not the point here. I am extremely upset that behind my back DH has bought an e-scooter knowing how upset I'd be if my children had one and then didn't bother to tell me about it. Presumably he told the kids not to tell me although I do not know this for sure.
The AIBU is about how furious and upset I am about it. I wanted to test the level of 'chill' about this on mumsnet before I tackle the situation with DH.

OP posts:

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:19

PortaRoast · 22/08/2024 15:16

I think I need to clarify a few details which I didn't think would be important. I know there is an e-scooter. I know my 14 year old son has been using it on the road (I asked him). I don't care if it's in the garage, shed, boot of the car, that's not the point here. I am extremely upset that behind my back DH has bought an e-scooter knowing how upset I'd be if my children had one and then didn't bother to tell me about it. Presumably he told the kids not to tell me although I do not know this for sure.
The AIBU is about how furious and upset I am about it. I wanted to test the level of 'chill' about this on mumsnet before I tackle the situation with DH.

but my point is

on the word of a friend, you started a mumsnet thread about an e scooter in the garage without walking half a dozen steps to actually see if friend was correct! and to suss out what was there!!

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:20

OP

the marriage sounds very difficult and unhappy

i doubt your DH will care whether you’re upset or not

he may well say… well they can have it at my place when i move out

you sound sound at all happy either

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:21

PortaRoast · 22/08/2024 11:46

I know my 14 year old has been using it on the road. We don't have our own land.

I've just asked him about it and apparently DH told him it's fine as long as he is wearing a helmet.

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and what did you say in response?

givemushypeasachance · 22/08/2024 15:23

They're dangerous vehicles - even aside from the "private ones not part of a govt trial scheme are illegal" point, you have to use them on the road, amongst traffic, and have a driving licence. It's not something a 14yo should be doing full stop. When they buzz down the road at high speed, because the private ones aren't speed-restricted like the hire ones are, and hit a pothole at a bad angle, they're going to come a cropper. Whether they skin their hands and knees, break a collarbone, fracture a skull, or go under the wheels of a passing bus, is all down to chance.

bergamotorange · 22/08/2024 15:23

Yes this is a big deal. Firstly your DH is lying to you and involving the children. Secondly your children are breaking the law if riding on the highway without insurance.

I wouldn't care about being the bad guy and would remove the scooter.

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:25

i would be distraught actually

my ex wouldn’t even do this even if he wanted to and is entirely his prerogative to

why? because i didn’t want him to and when i comes to dangerous vehicles as this… the parent with the concern trumps the parent without the concern

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:26

bergamotorange · 22/08/2024 15:23

Yes this is a big deal. Firstly your DH is lying to you and involving the children. Secondly your children are breaking the law if riding on the highway without insurance.

I wouldn't care about being the bad guy and would remove the scooter.

and third reason on

DH knows his wife is very against it and so lacks respect for her or cares what she thinks that he just thinks “fuck it, i’m going to get on”

StolenChanel · 22/08/2024 15:28

While I don’t completely agree with you on the safety element (and would probably let my own kids have them at that age if I could afford it and could give them some training on how to use it safely), YANBU at all to be pissed off about him undermining you and going behind your back. I would be taking it away and making DH take the fall for it “being stolen”.

Sagarmatha · 22/08/2024 15:29

I've literally just has to research the rules with my son, who's been begging me to allow him to buy one.

Read the legal guidance on the UK Gov website about escooters and the implications if a child under 17 uses one on the roads without a licence.

That's on top of the danger to physical health should the child have an accident.

Your husband is a dick and he's putting his own kids at risk of causing a serious accident and being hurt in the process.

MollyRover · 22/08/2024 15:30

Honestly I would be seriously considering the marriage. Undermining you like that is absolutely not on.

You shouldn't have let the cat out of the bag though. You should have taken photos, put it on marketplace for a fair price and then bought yourself something nice with the proceeds, while DH thinks it's stolen, definitely.

SiobhanSharpe · 22/08/2024 15:36

PortaRoast · 22/08/2024 11:46

I know my 14 year old has been using it on the road. We don't have our own land.

I've just asked him about it and apparently DH told him it's fine as long as he is wearing a helmet.

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They Are Not Fine. They are illegal to use except on private land, much like segways and quad bikes, for a good reason. Even the 'legal' ones that are for hire cannot be used by a child on the public road, they must be 18 years old and over.
You would not be unreasonable to be extremely angry with your DH for
buying the scooter in the first place, encouraging his 14 yesr old to use it on the road and then for his devious and underhand behaviour subsequently.
I'd tell him that if he doesn't get rid of it I would report it to the police for confiscation.

FlipFlops4Me · 22/08/2024 15:39

Has he arranged public liability insurance for them if they're riding on the road? If not, any accident could prove to be very costly.

And I agree with you. I'd have been livid if my DH had done this with my DS. To the point of gibbering fury and the suggestion that if he really doesn't care about my opinion then he really doesn't care about living with me because he can't possibly love me if he's so very disrespectful.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 22/08/2024 16:23

PortaRoast · 22/08/2024 11:37

Obviously it wouldn't have stayed a secret for long. I would have gone in the garage and found it sooner or later so I don't think there is a big conspiracy to keep it hidden. To me this just adds to the lack of respect shown to my opinions - no one cares.

It is the lying that would piss me off the post

Lindjam · 22/08/2024 16:27

OK

I would have absolutely zero level of chill.

I think the confusion here is because posters are wondering how you got to this point, where your DH would just walk all over you like this. They are maybe thinking it’s because he knows you wouldn’t stand up for yourself (take the scooter away)

Does that make sense OP? My DH wouldn’t fucking dare pull shit like this because he knows how it would pan out.

MollyRover · 22/08/2024 16:33

Lying and actively telling your children to lie to you. Why would he even want that for his own children?

CharliesAngels81 · 22/08/2024 16:37

Maybe the husband and kids have asked for many things and always gets shot down with a no - safety who knows.

DecafGreen · 22/08/2024 17:27

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 15:19

but my point is

on the word of a friend, you started a mumsnet thread about an e scooter in the garage without walking half a dozen steps to actually see if friend was correct! and to suss out what was there!!

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It's not just on the word of a friend. She has said more than once that she has discussed this with her child who has confirmed he has used it.

OP...it is not unreasonable for you to be angry about this. I would be livid for the many reasons that people have already stated.

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 18:05

DecafGreen · 22/08/2024 17:27

It's not just on the word of a friend. She has said more than once that she has discussed this with her child who has confirmed he has used it.

OP...it is not unreasonable for you to be angry about this. I would be livid for the many reasons that people have already stated.

Show quote history

Op started this thread on the basis of word of friend, not having spoken to her sons and not having popped in to the garage to see if there was indeed an e scooter

venusandmars · 22/08/2024 19:07

I think she did speak to her ds (and that he confirmed).

venusandmars · 22/08/2024 19:13

I would be livid if dh did this. There are several messages that he is giving out:

that it's ok for him to say 'yes' even if he knows that you would say 'no' and to go behind your back
that his opinion trumps yours
that they can collude against you
that it's ok to just go ahead with what you want, hoping that mum won't then stop you from doing it
that it's ok to do something illegal (the law is an ass)
that it's ok to do something illegal as long as mum doesn't find out
that he trusts your young teenage son's ability to judge risk
that he trusts dc's abaility to judge risk over mum's experience

None of these are OK.

anothermnuser123 · 22/08/2024 19:22

PortaRoast · 22/08/2024 15:16

I think I need to clarify a few details which I didn't think would be important. I know there is an e-scooter. I know my 14 year old son has been using it on the road (I asked him). I don't care if it's in the garage, shed, boot of the car, that's not the point here. I am extremely upset that behind my back DH has bought an e-scooter knowing how upset I'd be if my children had one and then didn't bother to tell me about it. Presumably he told the kids not to tell me although I do not know this for sure.
The AIBU is about how furious and upset I am about it. I wanted to test the level of 'chill' about this on mumsnet before I tackle the situation with DH.

I would be upset on the basis that weas parents are a team, we don't hide things from each other, we don't ask the kids to hide things and we don't do things we know the other really is not happy about.

If he felt that strongly about it, he should have had a conversation, like adults do when figuring out parenting together. Him going against your wishes and behind your back says, I don't care how you feel, I do what I want. That to me is a complete lack of respect and 2 fingers up to what is important to you.

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 19:28

venusandmars · 22/08/2024 19:07

I think she did speak to her ds (and that he confirmed).

she did
after starting the thread

Scarletrogue · 23/08/2024 09:25

The risk of an accident on these things is ++++, I remember a surgeon saying another name for a motorcyclist is an organ donor - in a clash between your son and a vehicle he could at least be maimed, brain damaged or dead. At 14 they’d have no idea.
i would probably take the bike to the dump and speak to none of them for a month.