Husband has secretly given kids an e-scooter

[PortaRoast]

The title says it all really. I found out from a friend last night that my kids have an e-scooter and that at least one of them has been using it while I'm at work. It turns out DH bought it for them on Saturday and decided not to tell me.

I've always said absolutely no to getting one because they're illegal to use on the road and (in my opinion) very dangerous for kids to be on. Our kids are 14 and 17.

If I put my foot down and make him get rid of it the kids will be upset with me, but I don't want to allow them to use it either. I don't know how to handle this and I'm absolutely furious that this has been done behind my back.

So, AIBU for being so angry with DH or is it no big deal and do I need to chill about it?

I live in a city where some legal scooters can be hired out on an hourly basis. Of course, that has led to an explosion of illegal ones on the road. You can easily distinguish them, the ones for hire are bright orange.
My heart has been in my mouth so many times when I've seen both the legal and illegal ones being used with two people on them,(also illegal) weaving in and out of traffic, on pavements and cycle tracks too and all without helmets. In fact I never see anyone using a helmet riding on one of these so perhaps it is not compulsory, although it ought to be.
There should be tighter regulation and enforcement or the toll of accidents, injuries and deaths will only increase, I'm afraid.

either: get rid of it. Don’t discuss it. Say I thought there was a family agreement to never talk about the e-scooter seeing as everyone has very carefully not mentioned it to me, so I’m on board, I won’t discuss it either.

or: tell dh you hope he feels mature sneaking around behind your back, but while you might get over that in a teen you can’t in a husband. the scooter goes or he does. And if he can’t grow up enough to discuss things with his children’s other parent it probably should be him. Add it’s not like our marriage wouldn’t be instantly over if either of them had an accident on the e scooter you secretly bought them knowing I think it’s too dangerous.

obviously I don’t think you’re overreacting!

Well hopefully the police will catch them using it and confiscate it.

My neighbour's boys, 15 and 13, have an older cousin with an escooter and he takes them out illegally on the road, no helmets. I don't know if my neighbour is aware nor whether to tell her (sort of 'I haven't told you this and you may already know, but...'), as she works long hours and hasn't been around for swathes of the holidays.

There isn't anywhere he can use it legally

They might want to get a licence. If they are caught on an illegal e-scooter there are financial penalties and potential points on their licence as far as I understand it. They may also have the scooter confiscated and can be prosecuted. Not a great start for a young person. How about teaching them responsibility and understanding the consequences of behaviour instead.

As far as I know, the 17 year old hasn't used it. The 14 year old has.

Tell him the story of someone I know who bought one and had it seized by the police within 6 hours, £650 down the swanny

Take it to the tip like a pp mentioned.
Just get rid, if he can make unilateral choices then so can you, how many times is he willing to buy one to spite you?

As a parent you really need to not give many fucks about being seen as the baddie, it comes with the territory and this is a health and safety issue as we as the legalities involved.

In the past few months here in Ireland 3 teenagers have been killed on escooters. Unless where you live has the right infrastructure for them it isn't safe, not for them or for the people they might be whizzing past. I wouldn't care about being the 'baddie' in this situation. It would just be a flat no, absolutely not and I would get rid of it.

I live in an area where they're popular with young teenage lads who are up and down the roads on them. Local Facebook groups are always complaining about them, some people send ring doorbell footage if the kids illegally riding them on roads and pavements to police but I don't know if anything has ever happened about it. I see comments saying points can be given but I don't know if that's true.

I know they can be useful for people getting about, esp some with mobility issues like myself, I'd love one but if they're illegal to be used on roads and pavements then there's no point, I've seen people use them in busy towns as way of getting to and from work etc and and they look handy for that use, but those people are not using them in the same way the young teenage lads are round here.

I'd not want my kids to be using it illegally and/or unsafely, if your neighbours or the residents of the roads hes riding on are annoyed with them he risks someone sending ring doorbell footage into police, did you dh consider that when he chose to go behind you back?

I like the take to tip idea. followed by "e-scooter? what e-scooter" if challenged.

How about you pretend to be thrilled with it.

Then you want to have a go on it but as you glide along dodging small children, old ladies and avoiding scratching parked cars, it you have a fall and pretend you've twisted your ankle.

You then spend the next fortnight 'resting' whilst your husband has to do everything around the house.

I'm just saying not to take the bad advice given about having it 'stolen' etc...

You madness at your husband for lying to you is your own to choose how to handle, its moral so theres not really a correct way. Some would split up, some would be mad for a day or so and get over it and others would shrug it off with a don't do it again.

how far away is the garage?

You haven’t… checked?!

as i thought

just tip of the iceberg

So they know you know?!

That’s something. I’m not implying any irresponsibility on your part, OP, far from it, but was suggesting any 17 year old should understand the risks of riding a vehicle illegally and getting caught if they want to get a driving licence as it could impact them. Perhaps something their dad could explain to them and understand better himself. I don’t know the full ins and outs of the laws as I don’t use a scooter and I imagine quite a lot of users aren’t fully aware either.

your friend told you this last night

and rather than go and take a peek in the garage

you start a thread?

before doing anything, i would have checked the garage to see whether my friend was right!

is it possible he’s checked out of the marriage

and just doing what he wants to do with no reference to you because he doesn’t care about your opinion?

YANBU, but I don’t understand why you didn’t just get rid of it.

You’ll be the bad guy anyway. Get the e-scooter, take some photos, stick it on eBay or wherever and give the kids the money. At least you’ll win back a few brownie points with the cash.

The OP didn’t even pop out to the garage to check one was even there!

eScooters, ‘legal’ or illegal are death traps and I’m amazed they’re allowed on the roads. Round here they’re driven by kids who have clearly used fake ID or been set up by someone with a licence. There is often more than one person riding it, and nobody wears a helmet. I’d quietly get rid of it, say nothing, and deny all knowledge. That would be hilarious. Of course, the fact they have to be secret about it makes things 10 times more attractive.

My friends 14 year old son has been in hospital for 2 weeks. He was hit by a car on the scooter. His arm was broken in 3 places and been pinned. Worse, he has serious head injuries and had an operation to relieve a blood clot. They have no idea if he'll recover fully.

I'd be beyond furious if my DH did and this and kept a secret. Your kids could be killed.