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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to refuse to work with my backstabber colleague?

177 replies

bettysyourauntie · 22/08/2024 01:28

A few months ago, I resigned from a senior role at a company, marking the end of a significant project where I played a key role in rescuing a client from a dire situation. I saw the project through to completion, delivering exceptional results. The firm profited greatly from my efforts and unique skills in the industry.
Despite the challenges which were many, I recognised the importance of this project and found satisfaction in many aspects of it. This kept me going as in the office, and outside of the day-to-day project tasks, I was very unhappy. I endured a toxic work culture and poor leadership devoid of people skills and emotional intelligence.

Just as I was on the verge of resigning, I was blindsided by a colleague I trusted and believed I had a strong working relationship with. We collaborated closely, and I felt he valued my leadership and judgment. I was his sounding board for navigating difficult situations, and we spent countless hours strategising together. Yet, he was the typical self-promoter, taking my ideas and presenting them as his own in front of the client. The particular incident was a betrayal. It was unprofessional, nasty, and utterly unexpected, leaving me hurt and confused.

In response, I decided to go on my own, launching a business in the sector and building on the reputation I earned from my last job. I became known as "the cleaner" - the go-to person for turning around difficult situations.

When I left, there were no efforts to retain me. It was clear I was angry and upset, but I also sensed their nervousness about the sudden drop in income as the highest fee-generating job in the firm came to a hard stop. My departure announcement was likely seen as a relief as my salary was on the upper end of the scale and so it was perhaps a good outcome all around. I must admit, that despite all this, I thought it was a bit strange and shortsighted but at the same time, they have not been known to bother with retention on other occasions so not surprising either.

Fast forward a few months, and my old boss suddenly called. He was all smiles and sweet talk, which immediately made me suspicious. As it turns out, a client is eager to engage the firm, but only if I am part of the team. They want to repeat the success of the other job they've heard much about. With the right CVs on the ticket, my old boss is confident they have secured the job and are likely to start in a couple of weeks.

Now, I'm facing a dilemma. Since starting my business, I've only secured small jobs. I have exciting and promising leads for more lucrative contracts in the near future and I have definitely managed so far to attract attention from the right people. If anything materialises work will not start for a few weeks still. Money is a bit tight, and I can't afford a long dry spell. But should I say yes just because the opportunity is there? I'd be working with the same colleague and I can't shake off the hurt.

The Pros: Immediate income (only 3 d/wk for min 1 year, which is also a negative as I will need to find a filler for the other two days to maintain a good level of income). I will be further strengthening my CV and position in the sector and working with this client may potentially open doors to future opportunities.

The Cons: It's a part-time contract. But mainly again - do I really want to work with someone who backstabbed me?

I wonder how different would it be as a contractor, an outsider, avoiding office politics and self-promoting colleagues. What are the real risks for me here?

So, am I being foolish or unreasonable to consider turning down the offer? If I say no, there’s a good chance they'll lose the opportunity. Sweet revenge, or am I just shooting myself in the foot?

OP posts:
Luddite26 · 25/08/2024 13:18

Itsarecipefordisaster · 23/08/2024 18:49

I’m a self-employed contractor so looking at it from that perspective. Apologies if I miss something, I’ve not read every single message.

I would bite their hand off. The end client has asked for you by name. That speaks volumes and, if I understand what you’ve said, the project won’t go ahead without you? So even if your ex-colleague did steal your ideas, the end client values what you did.

Maybe increase your day rate/estimate to compensate for working with this guy?? You’re in a position of strength here.

I see things differently as a contractor. Nothing is forever, I get my head down and do the job. It’s all about reputation and delivery. I really enjoy the different dynamic.

You know what this guy is like so minimise your interaction with him as much as you can. Be professional, think about how much you’re earning to work with him and know you have integrity.

This is an offer of work, it’s worth way more than an opportunity.

This would be my answer so may as well quote!
Is that like the backstabbing colleague passing your work off as his own? Keep a bit back make sure your fingerprints are all over it.

Bennetty · 25/08/2024 13:28

It's a tricky one but I do think as a contractor you'll have a bit more distance from the politics which will be nice. Don't turn away from something you need because of other people. Put on blinders and go after what's good for you. If accepting this would build your reputation further, create a relationship with this client that may lead them to engage you privately in the future, and help keep you afloat, then go for it. Definitely stay dignified and don't bad mouth the employer with the client, but it wouldn't hurt to drop a few crumbs about how you're setting off on your own and we'll have competitive pricing and superior service. You won't be available through this company again and if they want to reengage you they'll have to reach out to your company.

poetryandwine · 25/08/2024 13:32

I am still RTFT.

Broadly, 3 days a week sounds very good for now.

The main question is, do you have the power to structure your contractor role so as to minimise the (highly justifiable) frustrations you experienced as an employee? For me the answer to that question would make the difference.

poetryandwine · 25/08/2024 13:36

PS I mean, without going into the details of how the bastard backstabbed you, the poor leadership, etc. These involve faults or weaknesses of current employees and you are now an outsider. I doubt it would serve your interests to delve into any of that.

Just: can you get what you need to make this offer work well while you are building your business?

poetryandwine · 25/08/2024 13:36

Itsarecipefordisaster · 23/08/2024 18:49

I’m a self-employed contractor so looking at it from that perspective. Apologies if I miss something, I’ve not read every single message.

I would bite their hand off. The end client has asked for you by name. That speaks volumes and, if I understand what you’ve said, the project won’t go ahead without you? So even if your ex-colleague did steal your ideas, the end client values what you did.

Maybe increase your day rate/estimate to compensate for working with this guy?? You’re in a position of strength here.

I see things differently as a contractor. Nothing is forever, I get my head down and do the job. It’s all about reputation and delivery. I really enjoy the different dynamic.

You know what this guy is like so minimise your interaction with him as much as you can. Be professional, think about how much you’re earning to work with him and know you have integrity.

This is an offer of work, it’s worth way more than an opportunity.

Great post!

HelsBellsCoop · 25/08/2024 13:39

Take the job, remain professional, only talk to the colleague as and when need to, end of, it's an income you could do with right now.
Work it to suit you!
Good luck 👍

DarlingStepdad · 25/08/2024 13:40

Why are you not having this conversation with your boss and the colleague?

Outline what happened, agree to the work as long as the issues are resolved.

HelsBellsCoop · 25/08/2024 13:41

Take the job, work it to suit you, only talk to the colleague when required, you need the income, it's a job, no need to make friends, once it's done, leave, knowing that once again you've done a great job.
Good luck 👍

Dinkydo12 · 25/08/2024 14:22

Never go backwards

Barney16 · 25/08/2024 14:31

.You are going to be a contractor right? If so I would do it but ask for a high day rate.

ironflan · 25/08/2024 14:38

bettysyourauntie · 22/08/2024 02:00

Forgot to ask.. so even if I take it, do I challenge my colleague on the incident right at the start and share with him how it made me feel (minded of his psychopathic traits in play)? Or as rightly mentioned above, ignore and bury my pride?

I think speaking with your boss and airing that he needs to toe this little rat inline and then you will join.

CantHaveTooMuchChocolate · 25/08/2024 14:51

bettysyourauntie · 22/08/2024 10:31

that is my biggest concern however I can put a clause in my contract not to interfere with my business, basically copying the wording from theirs.

I wouldn’t be winging it with critical contract wording, I’d get any contracts thoroughly reviewed by a lawyer. Also if they do damage your reputation that could be difficult and expensive to pursue legally. I’d balance the short term gain with the long term satisfaction of building your company up from the ground to hopefully something really competitive. As you’re holding the cards I’d negotiate really hard for the right terms and money if you do go ahead, good luck!

MellersSmellers · 25/08/2024 15:01

I say take it.

  1. It's only temp and 3d a week so you can continue to build your own business alongside
  2. It gives you some financial security for ybr next year.
  3. The dynamics will be different if you're a contractor. You can distance yourself from the company management and just focus on the project
  4. You have learnt from the previous experience to not share with that colleague. Keep your best ideas to yourself this time, allowing yourself to shine this time. The client might then become a future customer of yours!

Is that colleague replaceable? Could you discuss having someone else on the project instead of him, perhaps as a condition of you joining the team?? However, obvs tread carefully on this one if you conclude Yes you want the contract.
OR could you approach the client direct and do the whole project yourself!

CantHaveTooMuchChocolate · 25/08/2024 15:04

Also if you go ahead, and use your own company for this contract I’d be very careful about the IR35 implications (employed to Ltd in such a short period is a red flag for this).

PensionedCruiser · 25/08/2024 15:07

I wouldn't take the contract, but if your boss feels they really need you, ask the boss to introduce you to the client as a potential contractor for the client. That would get around the no compete issue. As you already have a relationship with them, you would report to (and be paid directly) by them and still have the distance you need from the old team It would be a win for you and the client.

GiddyNavyJoker · 25/08/2024 16:15

If they want you back that badly make sure you price yourself to that effect! Well done on everything so far!

azlazee1 · 25/08/2024 16:20

Take the job. Do not engage with the backstabber and make sure he is not involved with the project. Sounds like you can pretty much call the shots. I'm guessing contractor is like a consultant, outside help brought in for a specific job. Let go of the past, continue to work with a professional attitude and get a salary worthy of your much needed skills.

Exasperateddonut · 25/08/2024 16:30

Contract for 35 hours a week. What you do outside of that time is your own business. Make it clear they are employing your services for a fixed time per week and that you retain the right to carry on your own work.

Lillush · 25/08/2024 16:50

Refuse the offer and contact the client yourself who specifically asked for you and let them know about your new venture

MadAuntie24 · 26/08/2024 03:13

Where is my message that I already sent ?
A longish thought response
Where is it please.?
Rather unsatisfactory to find it's disappeared
. Any ideas where it's gone to

1mabon · 26/08/2024 13:12

Refuse but try to get the client yourself. Do you really want to work with backstabbers?

Nantescalling · 26/08/2024 14:53

I am thinking of 2 options:

Accept the work as a job for your own company so sub-contracting the work from your ex empoyer so you can keep backstabber off limits

or

Accapt the offer with the condition that your ex employer takes the backstabber off this job.

CautiousLurker · 26/08/2024 15:13

Can you let them hire you as a consultant for that project, but they’d need to pay you a fee comparable to your former salary + 10-20% they’d offer to bring you back? That way the success of this job get credited against your business too and they have to pay you. Ideally you ask for more than they would have paid you as an employee because it sounds as though they need you to land the client.

Dubuem · 26/08/2024 17:22

You are self employed and they are hiring you as a contractor so a win for your business and income. You can set your own terms. Personally, I wouldn't bring up the backstabbing. You have moved on, but set ground rules!

LlamaLoopy · 26/08/2024 18:29

As a contractor those 3 days should be the same as your old salary after tax … ask for more so you don’t need another client and can take home same as you used to in 3 days 😁