Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to refuse to work with my backstabber colleague?

177 replies

bettysyourauntie · 22/08/2024 01:28

A few months ago, I resigned from a senior role at a company, marking the end of a significant project where I played a key role in rescuing a client from a dire situation. I saw the project through to completion, delivering exceptional results. The firm profited greatly from my efforts and unique skills in the industry.
Despite the challenges which were many, I recognised the importance of this project and found satisfaction in many aspects of it. This kept me going as in the office, and outside of the day-to-day project tasks, I was very unhappy. I endured a toxic work culture and poor leadership devoid of people skills and emotional intelligence.

Just as I was on the verge of resigning, I was blindsided by a colleague I trusted and believed I had a strong working relationship with. We collaborated closely, and I felt he valued my leadership and judgment. I was his sounding board for navigating difficult situations, and we spent countless hours strategising together. Yet, he was the typical self-promoter, taking my ideas and presenting them as his own in front of the client. The particular incident was a betrayal. It was unprofessional, nasty, and utterly unexpected, leaving me hurt and confused.

In response, I decided to go on my own, launching a business in the sector and building on the reputation I earned from my last job. I became known as "the cleaner" - the go-to person for turning around difficult situations.

When I left, there were no efforts to retain me. It was clear I was angry and upset, but I also sensed their nervousness about the sudden drop in income as the highest fee-generating job in the firm came to a hard stop. My departure announcement was likely seen as a relief as my salary was on the upper end of the scale and so it was perhaps a good outcome all around. I must admit, that despite all this, I thought it was a bit strange and shortsighted but at the same time, they have not been known to bother with retention on other occasions so not surprising either.

Fast forward a few months, and my old boss suddenly called. He was all smiles and sweet talk, which immediately made me suspicious. As it turns out, a client is eager to engage the firm, but only if I am part of the team. They want to repeat the success of the other job they've heard much about. With the right CVs on the ticket, my old boss is confident they have secured the job and are likely to start in a couple of weeks.

Now, I'm facing a dilemma. Since starting my business, I've only secured small jobs. I have exciting and promising leads for more lucrative contracts in the near future and I have definitely managed so far to attract attention from the right people. If anything materialises work will not start for a few weeks still. Money is a bit tight, and I can't afford a long dry spell. But should I say yes just because the opportunity is there? I'd be working with the same colleague and I can't shake off the hurt.

The Pros: Immediate income (only 3 d/wk for min 1 year, which is also a negative as I will need to find a filler for the other two days to maintain a good level of income). I will be further strengthening my CV and position in the sector and working with this client may potentially open doors to future opportunities.

The Cons: It's a part-time contract. But mainly again - do I really want to work with someone who backstabbed me?

I wonder how different would it be as a contractor, an outsider, avoiding office politics and self-promoting colleagues. What are the real risks for me here?

So, am I being foolish or unreasonable to consider turning down the offer? If I say no, there’s a good chance they'll lose the opportunity. Sweet revenge, or am I just shooting myself in the foot?

OP posts:
Spotlightt · 22/08/2024 09:06

Tell them yes no problem, but he is not to undermine you again or you'll leave mid project.

senua · 22/08/2024 09:06

As it turns out, a client is eager to engage the firm, but only if I am part of the team.
but
[picking the team/veto-ing backstabber] is not an option. He is part of the same package. The only way of avoiding him is by declining the offer.

It might be an idea to put on your big girl pants and say "it's me or him, not both". If they do choose you over him then you get the gig and the income to tide you over your first year of trading. And he gets his reputation tarnished. That's a win/win.

Get everything agreed in writing beforehand.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 22/08/2024 09:10

I'd take the job. You know now what he is capable of and can put measures in place to counteract his deviousness.

Andthereitis · 22/08/2024 09:35

What's your linkedin profile like?

If a client loves you it should be clear where you are now.
PL levels? Can you work on increasing this and add the bill to the client?

Notwhatuwanttohear · 22/08/2024 09:37

Reading your op personally wouldn't go back.

You left for a reason why go back and make them even more money when they made no effort to keep you even though you are a massive asset.

Yes, you'll lose some pay but surely your pride and 100% effort on your business is worth it?

TemuSpecialBuy · 22/08/2024 09:38

Kellykukoo · 22/08/2024 02:28

If they want you back so badly, you have the ability to set your ground rules upfront. You only have one chance to do it upfront though so make the best use of it.
Think about what needs to be in place to make sure the backstabbing incident doesn't have the chance to happen again and make this a non-negotiable. E.g, you have to be present in key meetings with the client or be included in leadership meetings, or you have to be able to provide your updates on the project directly to the top bosses.
Focus less on the particulars of what your colleague did or which colleague did it. You risk being seen as petty if you you try to hash up old grudges. In fact, any other future colleague could do the same thing again to you, so your focus should be on putting the structure in place to reduce the risk of it happening again from anyone.
Put your structure in place based on what you have learned from the previous experience and set your working rules. Have periodic check ins with yourself to see that your structure is still serving you well.
Do make a plan for a graceful exit from the contract in case things don't work out so you don't feel stuck in the same old scenario.
Good luck!

I agree with this.

apols if I got this wrong… but
i also as part of my list would NOT agree to be a PT employee
i would be a subcontractor and I’d charge your current Day rate plus a 25% Dickhead tax.
I can tolerate most things if the price is right

they need you and your position is strong so you can afford to chance your arm…

tldr if you go back make them a at through the nose

MarkWithaC · 22/08/2024 09:42

If it was only 3 d/wk for min 1 year and you didn't need other work to maintain your income), I'd say definitely take it. But as it is, I'm hesitating; it sounds like they behaved very badly before.
They clearly need you: can you negotiate a fee high enough that you DON'T need another income stream, or at least don't need 5 d/wk for a year? Then I'd be tempted to take it.

Boxina · 22/08/2024 09:42

FinalInstructionstotheAudience · 22/08/2024 07:03

You sound as if you are wrting a constructive dismissal statement interwoven with your cv.
In a nutshell,

  • You were unhappy in your job, but took on a project that got you undying gratitude and praise from a client
  • You weren't acknowledged by your employer, and a colleague was a complete bastard to you, so you resigned
  • You've set up a business, but it isn't doing well
  • You've a chance to work on a project at the company that didn't appreciate you, and that involves working with the bastard
  • you are seeing the opportunities it MAY bring (altho, if your skills were that unique, you'd think the opportunities would have presented themselves as part of your new business already...) So, it depends on how much you let yourcemotion rule 'opportunity'. But I wouldn't allow myself to be used by a company thatcdid not appreciate me before I resigned, nor would I give a bastard who had 'blindsided' me, the chance to do it again. Going back, whether as a consultant ot employee, is never good optics
Edited

I agree. The culture will still be the same but as a contractor you will be even more isolated and any issues will be blamed on you rather than employees (the backstabber). Don't go back. Focus on your business and making that a success.

Viviennemary · 22/08/2024 09:44

Say yes but you won't work with the back--stabber. Or come to an arrangement that it would be a temporary one-off for that one project and carry on with your other private work. Don't shut off this opportunity but don't let them force you into a corner. Get as favourable terms from them as you can.

MadeForThis · 22/08/2024 09:47

Will the company know that you are now a private contractor? Or are they making it look like you are an employee?

This will impact how you promote your business.

HaveSomeIntrospect · 22/08/2024 09:53

OP is it possible to submit your ideas and contributions on your company headed paper, that way your colleague cannot take credit for your work.

I understand that you probably have contractual clauses that mean you have had to be slow/careful about the rolling out and promotion of your new company. Very common practice to avoid staff leaving and poaching clients.

i would take the contract but try and negotiate a higher rate so you don’t have to worry about part time pay

SomeoneLeftTheDoorOpen · 22/08/2024 09:57

I wouldn’t take it. You sound like a highly skilled professional and clearly have faced a lot of challenges. You will be a success without this. Unless I mis-understood the posts, this backstabber is a key player, so it is unlikely you can avoid working with him.

This week, I came off a project where I was bullied and treated poorly by colleagues I previously had a great working history with. I will never work with them again. I would not care if another zero was added to my annual salary. The stress of a toxic environment can make you physically ill (let alone all the MH issues you can develop too).

bettysyourauntie · 22/08/2024 09:58

Oblomov24 · 22/08/2024 07:52

"The word that I am working independently has hardly come out ".

Hmm

Clearly. No one even knows. No one has even heard of your new company. Why? You left old job many months ago. Why haven't you been promoting yourself?

Client went back to old firm. They lied and 'implied' (by omission) that you were still working for them.

Sorry, I wasn't clear on that enough. let me explain. The word did come out. I only resigned few months ago and had an immediate work for a short while. Then holiday which was planned in advance and now August, very quiet month in my business. My LinkedIn is up to date and I have already spoken to many people I wanted to meet with and there is more work to do on this for sure. I am restricted contacting directly clients of my other company or being seen as interfering with their business for another few months.
As I mentioned. I managed to get quite close to few opportunities and that's through my network and my reputation and word of mouth led me to these people. Unfortunately securing the work can sometime take more than just one meeting iso I need to be patient. That is the reality. In the meantime i carry on with setting up admin and do what I can.
I am also just one person and so need to way an opportunity for 3 days with potentially 5 in few weeks. I'm not super desperate but perfectly aware that there is always a risk I won't get the other opportunity but out of 3 good meetings going for work I want, I hope at least one will materialise.
I am new to running a business and not worked out all the marketing tricks yet, but I am working on it. It's WIP!

OP posts:
AllThatEverWas · 22/08/2024 10:00

I think @Kellykukoo had it - you put a structure in place to minimise potential issues going forward - identify the flaws previously that led to backstabber being able to do this and then make sure it can't happen.

Also, you should be charging your old rate. Yes. For 3 days. At the least. They had you. They fucked up. They want you, they pay for it. That's the price they pay. Literally actually.

BeachParty · 22/08/2024 10:02

MeAgainAndAgain · 22/08/2024 01:58

Might you start to feel like this again, or is the situation too different for this to occur?

“I was very unhappy. I endured a toxic work culture and poor leadership devoid of people skills and emotional intelligence.”

Because that shit is soul destroying.

This - would you want to put yourself through all that again?
Sounds like you're better off out of it all.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 22/08/2024 10:08

Don't let the backstabber control your life.

You know what his is like now, so you can ensure he isn't able to stab you in the back again.

GustyFinknottle · 22/08/2024 10:12

Find out who the client is, then approach them and take the work from under your previous employer's nose. It's business: they'd do it to you.

If that's not possible, double your rates and agree to accept the contract only if you can choose the team you'll be leading.

If that's not possible, hold your nose, take the contract and grey rock him and everyone else there. Do the job, confide in no one, don't expect friendship or support from colleagues. Stay out of the office and get your support from elsewhere.

If you can't hold your nose etc, then pass. Committing to a year of something you'll hate and obsess over isn't going to be worth it.

GustyFinknottle · 22/08/2024 10:16

Final thought. Do you know anyone who has used a business coach/ mentor type person successfully? It might be useful to have someone in your life (even if you have to pay them) who can help you with strategy and on whom you can unload.

AskZoltar · 22/08/2024 10:17

GustyFinknottle · 22/08/2024 10:12

Find out who the client is, then approach them and take the work from under your previous employer's nose. It's business: they'd do it to you.

If that's not possible, double your rates and agree to accept the contract only if you can choose the team you'll be leading.

If that's not possible, hold your nose, take the contract and grey rock him and everyone else there. Do the job, confide in no one, don't expect friendship or support from colleagues. Stay out of the office and get your support from elsewhere.

If you can't hold your nose etc, then pass. Committing to a year of something you'll hate and obsess over isn't going to be worth it.

This is all excellent advice.

bettysyourauntie · 22/08/2024 10:24

@GustyFinknottle thanks for your advice. I don't know any business mentors but would love to find one.

OP posts:
bettysyourauntie · 22/08/2024 10:25

I am using Mumsnet for now 😂 very helpful!

OP posts:
GustyFinknottle · 22/08/2024 10:28

Ask around. Meet several. Depending on where you live there may be organisations that exist to pair people like you — developing a new business — with people with experience. Good luck.

creepywoman · 22/08/2024 10:29

bettysyourauntie · 22/08/2024 03:53

@creepywoman all so true and I may have the conversation. Pushing back two week, yes possibly feasible, but I won't have answers from other so soon unless as you said I step up the pressure on them to move forward faster, which I feel will be bold and maybe seen as a bit desperate and I know for sure two people I talked to already told me no decision till October.

But the thing is, you should charge enough as a contractor that it covers you for not being able to take on other work. So I’d expect your ex employer to pay you for the 5 days work per week minimum, plus more to cover the downsides of contracting. Otherwise you may need to negotiate with them less time to allow you to pick up the other projects

UrbanFan · 22/08/2024 10:29

Take it. You know what he is like now so he cannot blindside you again. Learn from that experience and manage him in the same way that you manage the problem itself.

bettysyourauntie · 22/08/2024 10:31

PrincessOfPreschool · 22/08/2024 03:56

I would say if you're working independently as a contractor, and this is known by the client, your ex colleague will probably behave even worse in terms of stealing ideas to present as his own, possibly running you down to make you look bad (less competition then) etc etc. Are you fully prepared for that and able to work under those conditions? Will you be able to work alone or will you need to collaborate extensively with ex colleague? I'm not sure of details and how you would be able to protect your ideas and professional integrity and if that's even going to be possible. If it's not possible then avoid at all costs. How good are you at protecting yourself and your integrity?

I would be wary of working with someone who shafted you as a colleague because as a competitor (which you basically are now working for your own company), they will likely be ruthless. It may be difficult for you to come out of that with your reputation in tact which could therefore end up damaging your business. Short term financial gain isn't worth long term reputation.

that is my biggest concern however I can put a clause in my contract not to interfere with my business, basically copying the wording from theirs.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread