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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to refuse to work with my backstabber colleague?

177 replies

bettysyourauntie · 22/08/2024 01:28

A few months ago, I resigned from a senior role at a company, marking the end of a significant project where I played a key role in rescuing a client from a dire situation. I saw the project through to completion, delivering exceptional results. The firm profited greatly from my efforts and unique skills in the industry.
Despite the challenges which were many, I recognised the importance of this project and found satisfaction in many aspects of it. This kept me going as in the office, and outside of the day-to-day project tasks, I was very unhappy. I endured a toxic work culture and poor leadership devoid of people skills and emotional intelligence.

Just as I was on the verge of resigning, I was blindsided by a colleague I trusted and believed I had a strong working relationship with. We collaborated closely, and I felt he valued my leadership and judgment. I was his sounding board for navigating difficult situations, and we spent countless hours strategising together. Yet, he was the typical self-promoter, taking my ideas and presenting them as his own in front of the client. The particular incident was a betrayal. It was unprofessional, nasty, and utterly unexpected, leaving me hurt and confused.

In response, I decided to go on my own, launching a business in the sector and building on the reputation I earned from my last job. I became known as "the cleaner" - the go-to person for turning around difficult situations.

When I left, there were no efforts to retain me. It was clear I was angry and upset, but I also sensed their nervousness about the sudden drop in income as the highest fee-generating job in the firm came to a hard stop. My departure announcement was likely seen as a relief as my salary was on the upper end of the scale and so it was perhaps a good outcome all around. I must admit, that despite all this, I thought it was a bit strange and shortsighted but at the same time, they have not been known to bother with retention on other occasions so not surprising either.

Fast forward a few months, and my old boss suddenly called. He was all smiles and sweet talk, which immediately made me suspicious. As it turns out, a client is eager to engage the firm, but only if I am part of the team. They want to repeat the success of the other job they've heard much about. With the right CVs on the ticket, my old boss is confident they have secured the job and are likely to start in a couple of weeks.

Now, I'm facing a dilemma. Since starting my business, I've only secured small jobs. I have exciting and promising leads for more lucrative contracts in the near future and I have definitely managed so far to attract attention from the right people. If anything materialises work will not start for a few weeks still. Money is a bit tight, and I can't afford a long dry spell. But should I say yes just because the opportunity is there? I'd be working with the same colleague and I can't shake off the hurt.

The Pros: Immediate income (only 3 d/wk for min 1 year, which is also a negative as I will need to find a filler for the other two days to maintain a good level of income). I will be further strengthening my CV and position in the sector and working with this client may potentially open doors to future opportunities.

The Cons: It's a part-time contract. But mainly again - do I really want to work with someone who backstabbed me?

I wonder how different would it be as a contractor, an outsider, avoiding office politics and self-promoting colleagues. What are the real risks for me here?

So, am I being foolish or unreasonable to consider turning down the offer? If I say no, there’s a good chance they'll lose the opportunity. Sweet revenge, or am I just shooting myself in the foot?

OP posts:
Sweetteaplease · 22/08/2024 03:54

If you don't have a competitive clause on your old contract, approach the client yourself

PrincessOfPreschool · 22/08/2024 03:56

I would say if you're working independently as a contractor, and this is known by the client, your ex colleague will probably behave even worse in terms of stealing ideas to present as his own, possibly running you down to make you look bad (less competition then) etc etc. Are you fully prepared for that and able to work under those conditions? Will you be able to work alone or will you need to collaborate extensively with ex colleague? I'm not sure of details and how you would be able to protect your ideas and professional integrity and if that's even going to be possible. If it's not possible then avoid at all costs. How good are you at protecting yourself and your integrity?

I would be wary of working with someone who shafted you as a colleague because as a competitor (which you basically are now working for your own company), they will likely be ruthless. It may be difficult for you to come out of that with your reputation in tact which could therefore end up damaging your business. Short term financial gain isn't worth long term reputation.

bettysyourauntie · 22/08/2024 03:59

@Kellykukoo thank you for this. It's very helpful, and interesting to think about it in this way. Even if that is harder to implement in practical terms it is definitely a reminder that lessons need to be learned and the next time in theory should be better.

OP posts:
KickAssAngel · 22/08/2024 04:46

I'm sure they'll want to protect themselves against you quitting, but if you take it you can leave. If you don't take it, you can't join later.

I'd say yes for now and ask to see the standard contract they offer, then decide if there are any points you want to negotiate. Remember that you get personal satisfaction and great business acumen from your success, and just be professionally polite and distant.

3 days a week while you get your own business up and running sounds perfect tbh.

FrippEnos · 22/08/2024 05:12

Surely a pro is that they are coming to you as an external contractor and you can set the rules by which you work for them, Including management response and the culture in which you are prepared to work?

DogDaysNeverEnd · 22/08/2024 06:10

Do you have flexibility in your rates? As a contractor on a short term contract 3 days should roughly cost the hiring company the same as full time as an employee (not forgetting all your tax/NI/pension/holiday contributions), that's the give and take of not being permanent. If they have to have you on the team they have to make it worth your while. You are extremely well placed to negotiate this. Shitty colleagues are easier to deal with when you are being well compensated!

GinForBreakfast · 22/08/2024 06:17

If you can afford to, I would say no. You have obviously been deeply affected by your experience and you won't fully process it until you have some time and space away from the situation.

Obviously I don't know anything about your personal circumstances or your industry but if you are as good as you say you are then you will make a success of it on your own.

RandomMess · 22/08/2024 06:36

Know your worth to them, they won't get the contract without you. Charge very high.

Any chance your old firms rival won't seek you out to work for them on the same project?

Can you target your services?

Can you let this client know you are now freelance, not bidding for the work just that you are no longer working at X.

Justsayit123 · 22/08/2024 06:38

Go back as a consultant do you keep your current business going. Charge them consultant fees plus make some ground rules.

FinalInstructionstotheAudience · 22/08/2024 07:03

You sound as if you are wrting a constructive dismissal statement interwoven with your cv.
In a nutshell,

  • You were unhappy in your job, but took on a project that got you undying gratitude and praise from a client
  • You weren't acknowledged by your employer, and a colleague was a complete bastard to you, so you resigned
  • You've set up a business, but it isn't doing well
  • You've a chance to work on a project at the company that didn't appreciate you, and that involves working with the bastard
  • you are seeing the opportunities it MAY bring (altho, if your skills were that unique, you'd think the opportunities would have presented themselves as part of your new business already...) So, it depends on how much you let yourcemotion rule 'opportunity'. But I wouldn't allow myself to be used by a company thatcdid not appreciate me before I resigned, nor would I give a bastard who had 'blindsided' me, the chance to do it again. Going back, whether as a consultant ot employee, is never good optics
Onemoreterm · 22/08/2024 07:05

You are in a position of strength. The client is going to engage backstabber’s firm only if you are on the team. Make it clear to client that you are a contract consultant and not backstabber’s lackey

AgnesX · 22/08/2024 07:09

Can you negotiate a contract with much higher rates? As a contractor you don't have to engage with the politics and day to day crap but you do get to work for a company you know and can then walk away.

Negotiate a leaving clause for if it gets shitty

Oblomov24 · 22/08/2024 07:15

I disagree with most. I don't think you should take it at all. They only came crawling back you because they were desperate, because the client had specified they wanted you. You set up on your own for a reason. the whole company was toxic before and it still will be. You were deeply unhappy but you seem to have forgotten that. the man used you and stole your ideas and hasn't been caught out or reprimanded for that, and you just go back and do the same again?

And the client will think that you are an employee. And then your'll leave. How does that fit with any of your principals. It doesn't. I'd stand my ground. You need people you know and hear that you've set up on your own.

Iwouldlikesomecake · 22/08/2024 07:21

I’d say no, I don’t wish to work in that environment again thank you but how kind of them to think of me.

then I’d contact the client and say ‘I’ve had an offer for your project and I wanted to say how touched I was that you valued my previous work that highly; unfortunately I am not prepared to work with those people again’ (you don’t have to say why) and therefore I have set up on my own. I’d be happy working with you at any time in the future and the expiry date on my non-compete clause is X, from which time I will be available to you directly’

that way you’re showing personal boundaries without being drama, you’re showing integrity that you are keeping to your exit contract and you’re also demonstrating you would want to work with them again in another configuration (perhaps if they approached another firm and said you had to come as part of the package). But don’t go back to the arseholes and expect them to behave differently because they won’t.

AdultChildQuestion · 22/08/2024 07:23

Take the contract. It's only 3 days a week, so you still have 2 days in which to keep building your new business. Be cold as ice with backstabber. Tell boss he's why you left originally though, so they understand the dynamic.

FinalInstructionstotheAudience · 22/08/2024 07:33

bettysyourauntie · 22/08/2024 03:12

@Movingonup313 they love him! He will never be challenged. Client needs a high PI insurance which I can't provide as a one man band, hence approaching a bigger and established company. The word that I am working independently has hardly come out so new business of the back of the original project will still track to them (at least in the immediate term). But if I come on board, it may also be the opportunity to advertise myself for future assignments.

It is up to you to market your business rathrr than waiting for 'word to come out'
You sound hard work

LlynTegid · 22/08/2024 07:39

I think it must be conditional, and that this is in writing. Do you know the client so they could make it conditional too that this person is not involved?

CalmConfident · 22/08/2024 07:39

Be ruthless and set your rate high, then add 20%. Have you calculated your day rate equivalent? Will the contract be in or outside IR35?

CalmConfident · 22/08/2024 07:41

Refresh your LinkedIn and market yourself there

Butterflyfern · 22/08/2024 07:47

Some good points here.

I'd also consider the size of the industry you are in. If you say no, it's unlikely your old company will approach you again, particularly if you make it clear that it's because you don't want to work with certain people. Will that affect you getting jobs in the future? Is your old company particularly highly regarded so that you having a dispute with them play badly for your reputation.

Also you mention that lots of people don't know you are independent now. Why not?! Get advertising! Start writing blog posts on LinkedIn advertising your work portfolio. In these quiet months while work is low spend your time marketing yourself

Oblomov24 · 22/08/2024 07:52

"The word that I am working independently has hardly come out ".

Hmm

Clearly. No one even knows. No one has even heard of your new company. Why? You left old job many months ago. Why haven't you been promoting yourself?

Client went back to old firm. They lied and 'implied' (by omission) that you were still working for them.

Startingagainandagain · 22/08/2024 07:54

Take the project but as a freelance consultant, not as an employee, so you have more freedom and negotiate a fat monthly fee & some home working.

Also make it clear you will chose the team you work with.

Continue building your own business alongside this.

BonneMaman77 · 22/08/2024 07:54

Take the contract for what it can do for you in the long term and of course do for your short term cash flow.

I have found over the years that most people in work situations are toxic in some way shape or form. Besides you clearly knocked it out of the park despite him on the last job.

Only this time, now that you know the devil, and the client has specifically asked for you, ask for more leadership of the project. Insist on increasing your presence with seniors in the client, select your key people on the client side and meet them formally and informally without your boss. Have discussions about your thoughts so they know the ideas are yours. Make it known to them that you are brains. Cement and build your name on this project.

Well, this is what I would do. But then I don’t know how badly you were affected at that time and maybe no money is worth that (I’ve had therapy for a toxic boss).

Good luck!

angelinaballerina7 · 22/08/2024 07:56

They didn’t want to keep you, but they’ll bring you back part time to make sure they win a contract? What’s their plan for you after the year is up?

For me, this is a no tbh, but you’ll need to look at your financial situation carefully to make this decision.

boatyardblues · 22/08/2024 07:56

Bambooshoot · 22/08/2024 03:13

Can you do the work for them as a contractor for your new business? Then you can set your own rate, walk away at the end, but they still have you on the team for the project?

I was going to suggest this too. It allows you to negotiate your terms and probably a better hourly rate. It’s also income through your new business and a case study you can use to attract new clients.

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