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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family holiday drama

828 replies

familydrama1 · 21/08/2024 21:36

So we are due to go on holiday next year with family. We invited my parents, they booked their own room - they then invited my nephew (who is 17). My brother didn't pay for my nephew or even offer to pay for their place.

I found out I was pregnant recently and can't book the baby's space until they are born. Also there will be no spaces as, the baby is due 4 months before the holiday. Anyone we trust with our child will be on that holiday. We need to take my nephew off the booking and change it to the baby when they are born.

AIBU to take my nephew off the booking (I have spoken to my parents about this and they understand) but I know my brother won't be happy and it will cause drama. Or should just not go and lose thousands 😣

Need an outside perspective pleaseeee

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
BrieHugger · 22/08/2024 21:19

TheNuthatch · 22/08/2024 21:01

@familydrama1 Ah I see, it makes more sense now you've explained that. That's a daft policy though isn't it!
Just hypothesising here, but if your mum knew that you were going to have to cancel,.do you think she might take pity and pull out (along with nephew) so that you and dh could take over their cabin? This is a holiday for your in-law family after all so she might decide that you should go instead of her? Obviously she would need to wait until you had your baby to retain the extra child place that you need.

Edited

Actually, if I was OP’s mum this is exactly what I would do.

TheNuthatch · 22/08/2024 21:24

BrieHugger · 22/08/2024 21:19

Actually, if I was OP’s mum this is exactly what I would do.

Show quote history

Yes I would do that too. It's less harsh on the nephew too if grandparents pull out aswell.

Toptops · 22/08/2024 21:29

Don't understand either....

burnoutbabe · 22/08/2024 21:35

Is the issue as well that the cruise line won't confirm there will be space for a baby until the baby is there with a name and date of birth? (And cruise lines only allow x number of babies total per sailing)

So you won't know until then if baby can even cruise. So no point booking another room now as you may not be allowed to travel anyway.

GettingStuffed · 22/08/2024 21:39

Generally babies need to be 6 months old to cruise, some lines are even older.

Inyournewdress · 22/08/2024 21:40

The whole holiday sounds like a nightmare!

TheNuthatch · 22/08/2024 21:47

burnoutbabe · 22/08/2024 21:35

Is the issue as well that the cruise line won't confirm there will be space for a baby until the baby is there with a name and date of birth? (And cruise lines only allow x number of babies total per sailing)

So you won't know until then if baby can even cruise. So no point booking another room now as you may not be allowed to travel anyway.

Yes, but if the ship is at full capacity for children when baby is born, cruise company will allow baby to be added by taking place of another child who is already booked, ie the nephew. It seems the baby and the teenager would both be classed as a child.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 22/08/2024 21:48

Can you add another child but not tell them so they don't know they are just a placeholder?

burnoutbabe · 22/08/2024 21:50

I assumed the ship has

Capacity of x for babies

And then separate -kids say 2-9

Then kids 10-17

So you can't necessarily swap nephew for baby if already too many babies.

Goldengirl32 · 22/08/2024 22:02

You are not explaining the room plan, who will sleep where. Why was the nephew invited in the first place? Who is paying for him? Surely a baby wouldn't be charged for?

TheNuthatch · 22/08/2024 22:14

burnoutbabe · 22/08/2024 21:50

I assumed the ship has

Capacity of x for babies

And then separate -kids say 2-9

Then kids 10-17

So you can't necessarily swap nephew for baby if already too many babies.

It doesn't make sense to me either, but op said that's what the cruise company told her. She has tried phoning them again today (incase this info she was given is wrong) but she can't get through.

MagicFarawayTea · 22/08/2024 22:15

Madamecholetsbonnet · 21/08/2024 21:47

I’m very confused here…

Me too! 🙄

MagicFarawayTea · 22/08/2024 22:18

But you say your parents paid for your nephew? So his place is booked and paid for?
Why the heck should he not go?

Jumpers4goalposts · 22/08/2024 22:24

Isn’t there a limit to the number of babies allowed on a cruise?

I think it would be pretty shitty to tell nephew he can no longer go.

TheNuthatch · 22/08/2024 22:28

HereForTheFreeLunch · 22/08/2024 21:48

Can you add another child but not tell them so they don't know they are just a placeholder?

Yes this could work. Op could 'borrow' a friend's baby/child's name and d.o.b just to book another cabin, then change the passenger details over when baby is born.

Sameshitdifferentdayx · 22/08/2024 22:28

If I wasn't keen on the idea of travelling with family and DH's family before this thread, I'm now a million % certain I'm put off for life even thinking about it.

Hope you sort it OP 👍 and I hope Nephew gets to keep his place on this cruise.

TheNuthatch · 22/08/2024 22:37

There you go op, I think we've cracked it 😂

Plan A: Tell your mum that you can no longer go on the cruise, in the hope that she will pull out with nephew when she realises that she, your dad and nephew will be going on holiday with your dh's massive family, but you won't be there!

Plan B: Ask a friend with dc's if you can borrow one of their dc's details just to book another cabin with a child in it. Then once baby is born, change the booking to your baby's name.

HollyKnight · 22/08/2024 23:09

Just "move" one of your other children to a new room with you. It's really not that difficult. Room 1: DH with 1 child. Room 2: You with 1 child. Then when the baby comes, add baby's details to Room 2 with you.

Or seeing as DH's sister is going, invite your brother. Nephew can go in with him.

Will nephew not be an adult next year anyway?

I think your parents are absolutely awful if they uninvite their grandson. But they are quite awful already in how they treat their other grandchildren so differently. If they had any common sense or kindness, one of them would pull out.

TVWife · 22/08/2024 23:17

familydrama1 · 22/08/2024 20:47

@TheNuthatch

We will be able to add baby in exchange for a child place - this is what the cruise company told me when I called a month ago. This is why I am saying it is the only way. It's not out of spite or malice - it's because we are stuck in what we can do.

Could you maybe add another child to the booking now (one who will not be going and doesn't know they are on the booking) and substitute your baby at a later date.

I would have thought your nephew would be taking up an adult place though. He's 17 and the cruise is a year away so won't he be 18 by then?

Calliopespa · 22/08/2024 23:21

HollyKnight · 22/08/2024 23:09

Just "move" one of your other children to a new room with you. It's really not that difficult. Room 1: DH with 1 child. Room 2: You with 1 child. Then when the baby comes, add baby's details to Room 2 with you.

Or seeing as DH's sister is going, invite your brother. Nephew can go in with him.

Will nephew not be an adult next year anyway?

I think your parents are absolutely awful if they uninvite their grandson. But they are quite awful already in how they treat their other grandchildren so differently. If they had any common sense or kindness, one of them would pull out.

Yes this is fun! Or put DH’s sister in with your DB, you with DH’s sister’s DH, and all the babies with grandad while you go with the much- beloved nephew.

I think it’s time for me to leave this thread; I’m clearly getting bored…

HollyKnight · 22/08/2024 23:27

Calliopespa · 22/08/2024 23:21

Yes this is fun! Or put DH’s sister in with your DB, you with DH’s sister’s DH, and all the babies with grandad while you go with the much- beloved nephew.

I think it’s time for me to leave this thread; I’m clearly getting bored…

Show quote history

Why would DB go in with BIL? People should look after their own children.

violetto · 22/08/2024 23:33

This thread is mad.

Again, what would you have done if your parents weren't coming and you had only your 3 existing children under 6? Presumably booked (and paid for) 2 cabins yourself?!

So why is the cost an issue now?!

Maybe invest in contraception (it's free, BTW) instead of cruises. Or just plan a more child-friendly holiday?!

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 22/08/2024 23:35

You need to book a cabin for DH and another child. One who isn’t coming. Then when baby is born change the details. I am not suggesting you make up a child. Use the details of a friend or family member who won’t be coming. If are sure you are allowed to swap out your nephew for your baby you would also be allowed to do that.

HollyKnight · 22/08/2024 23:36

The fact is, the OP has too many children to fit in only one room. She hasn't invited her parents just out of the kindness of her heart. It's convenient for her to have them there so she doesn't have to pay full price for a second room. Even getting to the ship is going to be more difficult now with a 4th child. Either a second vehicle will be required or someone else will be given the responsibility of transporting at least one of the children there. Even more complicated if they have to fly there.

Calliopespa · 22/08/2024 23:36

HollyKnight · 22/08/2024 23:27

Why would DB go in with BIL? People should look after their own children.

Show quote history

Well I definitely think DF with MIL could liven things up. I thought I suggested DB with SIL?