Family holiday drama

[familydrama1]

So we are due to go on holiday next year with family. We invited my parents, they booked their own room - they then invited my nephew (who is 17). My brother didn't pay for my nephew or even offer to pay for their place.

I found out I was pregnant recently and can't book the baby's space until they are born. Also there will be no spaces as, the baby is due 4 months before the holiday. Anyone we trust with our child will be on that holiday. We need to take my nephew off the booking and change it to the baby when they are born.

AIBU to take my nephew off the booking (I have spoken to my parents about this and they understand) but I know my brother won't be happy and it will cause drama. Or should just not go and lose thousands 😣

Need an outside perspective pleaseeee

I sympathise with your predicament but no I don't think you can uninvite the nephew. That feels cruel. He's been invited by a member of the family and paid for (irrelevant who paid). I think booking an extra room is the only solution or changing the holiday. This has happened to me. I fell pregnant unexpectedly with a 4th and had to move flights as no longer able to travel. Despite them being a non refundable they did let me change it after I provided proof of due dates. Try again. There must be a way around it. Good luck 😃

Hmmm.... I haven't RTFT so this has probably already been said, but you say you booked the holiday, then invited your DPs who booked their own cabin...but if your daughter was due to stay in their cabin it sounds like in reality you invited them to come along to save you booking 2 cabins. Fair enough that makes sense, but it's your DPs choice to invite and pay for your nephew. You can not now, uninvite him. You will now need to book another cabin to accommodate your baby. Perhaps you can contact them and take either your or your DH off the original booking and add your daughter on to a new booking then you have an adult in each cabin. Perhaps your DPs would reimburse you the money you paid for your daughter to stay in their cabin seeing as though she wont need to do this now. Otherwise, it sounds like you will have to cancel the holiday.

I know they paid for his space but the parents said they understood OP's position. Implying they are happy to change the plans. As they were ones who paid for his place, it's their choice and have seemingly made the most practical and logical one. Neither DN nor his parents would be out of pocket at all. Yes, he'd be disappointed but at 17 I'm pretty sure he'd be able to understand the situation.

Yes I am completely shocked that people actually think OP should lose out on thousands of pounds to avoid disappointing a 17 yr old who is more than old enough to understand the situation. Especially when the people who have paid for his place seemingly share OP's sentiment that it is shit they have to do it but it's the most common sense thing to do.

I wanted my parents to come and as my child was in there I offered to pay for half their room - they were grateful and accepted. There was no talk of my nephew coming when we spoke about it previously. When it came to actually booking, my nephew was there when I mentioned we should book it my mother looks at him and goes 'do you want to come?' I looked at my dad like what?? I did not say anything as I didn't want my nephew to feel out of place.

I gave my parents £1200 towards their room which is half the cost - their room was just over 2k.

My nephews space cost £150. So yes I did pay half. So if you all want to get technical, I paid for my child and one adult. And also had to pay the extra cost so they can choose their room on our floor.

Also, I called the cruise line a month ago when they had other rooms left, to book a room and they said we can't pay for another room for a child who is NOT born yet as they need their details. So how can I book another room? Give them fake details for a child who is not even born yet?? Who doesn't have a passport yet??

And I will not be paying over £4000 for a suite.

My dad didn't NOT want my nephew to come, he feels they can't do anything without my brother's children, as my mum always wants to invite one of them (to keep the peace). And because he knows he will have to pay for him I.e spending money or whatever he wants and the space . My brother will drop his children off for the WHOLE 6 weeks for my 65 year old parents to parent 3 teenagers - my brother is a user and uses my parents.

@familydrama1 intrigued to know how your nephews siblings feel about grandma taking him on a free cruise, or does she treat all of them to big holidays?

Also, not sure if you ever answered the questions about suave in the in-laws cabins. Sorry if I missed it!

Just read your update op. Can you call the cruise company again and try to book another room just for you or dh? Obviously there would be spare capacity in that room. Then, once baby has arrived, call them again and add baby to the new room?

This is exactly what I said to my mum afterwards - it's not fair. The children are obviously not happy about it but nothing they can do because my brother won't pay for them.

In laws room is full too with my SIL's two children. All together there are 8 full rooms - my husband has a large family - most are coming with their partners/kids.

I think we need a diagram

I’m worried the ship will sink!

We can't do that because on a cruise there is certain capacity for children/infants. So we won't be able to add baby after as it may be at full capacity (school holiday cruise) and then we definitely won't be able to go.

I tried to call again today to double check the information I got was correct, but couldn't get through, automatically cut me off because the phone lines were too busy.

In all honesty oP, maybe a cruise isn’t the right trip this year if they require the details of someone you can’t give details for.

I can see it’s gone a bit pear-shaped from what you intended and I do get that, but families have these logistical challenges and I don’t think dumping the ND overboard (as it were) is the best approach. With four Dc you’ll have plenty of these situations.

Ok. I think that's your only hope tbh, but as you said you risk not be able to add your baby when he/she arrives. You may not be able to add baby to your parents room either though even if your nephew doesn't go. Keep trying with the cruise company hun because from some of the pp's who work in travel on here, you shouldn't have to wait until baby is born to add him/her to your booking. Maybe the person you spoke to originally gave you the wrong info.

She hasn't paid half towards the room, if you read the post properly she has paid towards it. There's no way of knowing what that percentage is. But considering her post is full of inaccuracies I'm swaying towards shes paid nothing.

If you read the update, op explains that she paid half of parent's room.

Yep I've read all her updates and I take the latest one with a pinch of salt. Its been a very long and painfully slow drip feed, with information redacted throughout. I'm out.

So whats the issue with your nephew then?! You wont book an extra room because you cant add the baby on yet and the baby spaces may sell out but the same may happen if you try and book baby onto your parents room once he or she is born

@TheNuthatch

We will be able to add baby in exchange for a child place - this is what the cruise company told me when I called a month ago. This is why I am saying it is the only way. It's not out of spite or malice - it's because we are stuck in what we can do.

So why cant you book another room for say your husband and daughter now and then add baby into the space that your daughter vacates in your room?

Regardless of your feelings about your brother, your mum has clearly invited and paid for your nephew. Therefore it is not up to you to say he cant come and take his space.

My earlier point still remains that you should not be inviting your parents to vacation if you already know your mother will have to invite one of your brothers kids to keep the peace.

Unfortunately making them do your nephew will cause more issues with your brother but I feel more for your nephew because he has already been told he is going and now he is no longer going.

But if you don't really care what your brother says or feels (and if what you say is true about your brother I wouldn't give a shit if he gets angry or not but I wouldn't want to disappoint my nephew) then go ahead with remove your nephew since your mother has already agreed to it, if not either book a new room under your husband's name or book a larger cabin.

I would just postpone, I don't see the fun in having your husband and one child in a cabin far away (unless you can get adjoining or nearby cabins).

I would postpone too

@familydrama1 Ah I see, it makes more sense now you've explained that. That's a daft policy though isn't it!
Just hypothesising here, but if your mum knew that you were going to have to cancel,.do you think she might take pity and pull out (along with nephew) so that you and dh could take over their cabin? This is a holiday for your in-law family after all so she might decide that you should go instead of her? Obviously she would need to wait until you had your baby to retain the extra child place that you need.

Which cruise company is it? my sil was able to add her unborn child onto a cruise, they just put it down as unborn

Op has now explained that dh's family are going en masse! They have 6 cabins booked just for dh's family, so I doubt op's family in law will all be prepared to postpone the trip and wait for op's new baby to grow a bit. They'll just go without op's family. So if op doesn't go, they'll miss the family holiday gathering and end up going on their own next year.

I think this is already done and dusted.
OP has already decided that her nephew must be pulled off the cruise so that she can add another of her young children to her poor parents room and that's that.
She started a thread to try and justify it, but she's already chucked the nephew off.
I think OP has a chip on her shoulder about her brother/time his children spend at her parents, yet is happy to ask parents to join and pay for a room on her holiday with inlaws purely because, financially, that means she won't have to pay for a second room for her own family.
I would imagine the brother may feel similar about OP.
I don't really understand the point of this thread anymore, as OP has clearly made her mind up.