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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family holiday drama

828 replies

familydrama1 · 21/08/2024 21:36

So we are due to go on holiday next year with family. We invited my parents, they booked their own room - they then invited my nephew (who is 17). My brother didn't pay for my nephew or even offer to pay for their place.

I found out I was pregnant recently and can't book the baby's space until they are born. Also there will be no spaces as, the baby is due 4 months before the holiday. Anyone we trust with our child will be on that holiday. We need to take my nephew off the booking and change it to the baby when they are born.

AIBU to take my nephew off the booking (I have spoken to my parents about this and they understand) but I know my brother won't be happy and it will cause drama. Or should just not go and lose thousands 😣

Need an outside perspective pleaseeee

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Anotherdayanotherdollar · 22/08/2024 09:19

Realistically, I don't think OP could send another child to yet another (PILs) room. How will they supervise 4 under6s in separate rooms when the other grandparents are enjoying the evening entertainment? At least if she books a second room Dh can have 2 in one and OP can have the other 2 in a second room. And the rest of the adults can enjoy their holiday

AnnaCBi · 22/08/2024 09:20

familydrama1 · 21/08/2024 21:52

No one asked if he could come, and my parents paid for him. My daughter is in the room with my parents too and we paid for her. They are all sharing a room together

Why would they feel the need to ask you? They’re having your daughter (grandchild) and their other grandchild (nephew!). You can’t dictate that the nephew can’t come.

eish · 22/08/2024 09:21

You need to book another room and separate out other adults (eg you and DH or your parents in separate rooms with under 18s).

Maddy70 · 22/08/2024 09:33

You cant take your nephew off. Thars an outrageous thing to do.

Tbf a cruise with a new born will be horrific i wouldnt go in a shared cabin. Youll need your own

Ghostgirl77 · 22/08/2024 09:35

The time to uninvite your nephew was when the booking was first made. You should’ve said to your parents that you wanted to keep the space in case you had a 4th child. You can’t just turn round now and boot him off because you’ve got pregnant, that’s shitty behaviour.

I think your best option in this situation is to talk to your parents and your nephew and see how he feels. Can you find another holiday option or a gift for him as an alternative to the cruise?

Shefliesonherownwings · 22/08/2024 09:36

I don't understand the set up. Room 1 has you, your husband and two kids, room 2 has your daughter and parents. If your nephew has room 3 presumably, add the baby to his room so the baby can come and there is an adult with them. Whether the nephew comes or not, you'll have a room for the baby that way. If that's not the set up then I don't understand any of your posts.

Sotiredmjmmy · 22/08/2024 09:41

@familydrama1 Ultimately this is of your own doing purely by and you have several options on how to deal with it, which do not involve booting someone else off their holiday when they have not caused any of this.

  1. Cancel or rearrange the cruise - may cost you money
  2. As this has arisen due to you having another baby, if option 1 was too costly, the rest of the party could go as planned and you stay home with the baby
  3. Book a second room for your family - split 1 adult per room. If it’s only suites available then that’s what’s available, again you are the one that is now pregnant and will need to accommodate 4 children at your cost if you wish to go, whatever that cost is.

This is not your parents or nephews issue or problem to solve, they are already doing you a favour by accommodating one child for you, hindsight is harsh that yes you would have been better to just book 2 rooms for your family from the start but that’s hindsight.

It’s life that’s all, and it’s you and your husbands life and responsibility to deal with it.

KerryBlues · 22/08/2024 09:41

The time to uninvite your nephew was when the booking was first made. You should’ve said to your parents that you wanted to keep the space in case you had a 4th child
Given the parents booked (and presumably paid for) their own room, there was no good time at all to dictate who they shared it with.
Op sounds like a monumental cheap skate, tbh.
Just book another room, op.

Edingril · 22/08/2024 09:41

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 22/08/2024 08:50

Oh right, of course, in which case she's looking at spending probably double what has already been spent for the 5 of them.

Show quote history

That is not anyone else's problem

Starlight1979 · 22/08/2024 09:47

Josette77 · 22/08/2024 02:00

Book a separate room for you then add the baby.

Why does it matter that your brother didn't pay for his son and your parents did? What does that have to do with anything?

She's bitter because the GPs didn't pay for her children...

Maddy70 · 22/08/2024 09:48

The baby (if allowed at 4 months on a cruise?) Will go in your room. They will add a cot to the booking. Why would that affect your nephew in your parents room ?

He doesnt need to be uninvited at all. Yabu

blackcherryconserve · 22/08/2024 09:55

Do you not have travel insurance OP? You need to cancel! This holiday sounds like it will be a complete nightmare with or without a six month old baby.

FairyPoppins · 22/08/2024 09:57

Your parents booking is the one which involves your nephew. They are paying for themselves and your nephew so that booking is nothing to do with you.
You need to book another room to cover you, your DH and your children - which is exactly what you would've needed to to if your parents weren't going on the cruise in the first place..

halava · 22/08/2024 10:00

This is why I have never, and would never consider multi generational/other family holidays.

Anyway, it seems the crux of the matter is the Green Eyed Monster regarding who paid for your nephew and didn't pay for your kids. Right?

LittleLittleRex · 22/08/2024 10:01

You need to drop the idea that because you had the idea and invited your parents that you have control over their booking and who they have paid for.

They are being kind to you by offering to have DD in their room, it might be reasonable to ask for the money you paid them for her spot back - now you and DH will be booking two rooms with an adult and 2 DCs in each. That is as far as you can go in telling them what to do.

Make sure the second room you book has space for the baby and it won't be a problem, surely. Do it now though as you won't force your DN out by leaving it until the ship is full, you'll just make life worse for everyone

LaPalmaLlama · 22/08/2024 10:06

Shefliesonherownwings · 22/08/2024 09:36

I don't understand the set up. Room 1 has you, your husband and two kids, room 2 has your daughter and parents. If your nephew has room 3 presumably, add the baby to his room so the baby can come and there is an adult with them. Whether the nephew comes or not, you'll have a room for the baby that way. If that's not the set up then I don't understand any of your posts.

I think the nephew is also in the parents' room, so currently there are two rooms of four (OP, DH plus two DC and Parents, nephew and one DC). If the nephew didn't go, then another of OP's existing kids could go with them leaving room for baby in OP's room

I think cruise ships count heads differently to hotels - so can't just add a cot and the baby "not count" the way they would in a normal hotel.

newleafontheplantjohn · 22/08/2024 10:13

Staunchlystarling · 21/08/2024 22:07

Oh I get it,

the op will have 4 kids, they have booked two rooms. You can get four in a room.
so her room is her husband and two kids,
parents room is her parents, another of her kids and nephew.

so four in each, as she will now have a fourth child, she wants to chuck the nephew out and put two of her kids in her parents room and two in her room,

she wants to do this rather than pay for an extra room.

op, you can easily sort this and you know it, you need to book a third room and say one of the adults are in there, be it one of your parents or you or your husband, you just don’t want to as it costs.

Yeah, exactly.

Like it or not OP, your nephew is coming and his space has been paid for.

You can't just bump him because you've had an unplanned pregnancy and now can't fit your family in two rooms.

You need to pay for another room because you got pregnant with another child after booking a cruise.

4 kids under 6. Jesus.

Original poster
familydrama1 · 22/08/2024 10:15

mrsm43s · 22/08/2024 08:19

The long and short of it is that OP will have a family of 6, and so will need 2 cabins for their family alone. Each cabin needs an adult in, so that will be OP in cabin one and OP's DH in cabin two. Her family can then be fully accommodated.

The fact that her nephew is in a cabin that she hasn't paid for is neither here nor there. She has no more right to boot him off the holiday than she has to boot any other passenger off the holiday. Her parents have paid for that cabin, and they and only they get to choose who goes in it, and they have chosen to invite their nephew.

The simple fact is that she and her DH need to ensure they have booked and paid for spaces for all of their children, and that necessitates two room. So OP needs to stop trying to steal spaces in her DPs room, suck it up and book and pay for the extra cabin.

If you read my previous replies. I did pay for half my parents cabin as my child would be in there too. My brother, however, did not pay a penny for my nephew

OP posts:
KarmenPQZ · 22/08/2024 10:16

This thread is hilarious.

How much does it cost to book another room for 1 adult and 1 child (regardless of which names you put on it). Say it’s £4K then if you do decide to kick your nephew off that’s the money YOU need to pay HIM to compensate for ruining his holiday.

you chose to have a forth child knowing the cruise was booked. That’s the price you need to pay for your decisions…. Simple!

sandyhappypeople · 22/08/2024 10:17

Yes it is cruel to eject your nephew from your plans.

You're parents obviously had space in their room so it was not an inconvenience to add him, which you obviously went along with at the time, putting your parents in the position to then say no because your circumstances have now changed is very very unreasonable.

You trying to engineer a situation where kicking him out is the 'only' way to resolve the problem is obviously not true either, as people on her have come up with multiple ways that you can do this all together, but it will mean that you need an extra room and you and your husband will have to split childcare between you.

If you insisted on this and I was your parents I'd refuse to come altogether.

Ttcagainnow · 22/08/2024 10:20

familydrama1 · 22/08/2024 10:15

If you read my previous replies. I did pay for half my parents cabin as my child would be in there too. My brother, however, did not pay a penny for my nephew

Show quote history

How is that your nephew's fault though?

sandyhappypeople · 22/08/2024 10:21

familydrama1 · 22/08/2024 10:15

If you read my previous replies. I did pay for half my parents cabin as my child would be in there too. My brother, however, did not pay a penny for my nephew

Show quote history

Why does that matter? there was an extra space in that room, I'm assuming your parents are paying to add him?

You got a good deal, because on your own you would have had to pay for 2 cabins anyway.. this way you only pay for one and a half.

Because of your family make-up you will now need 2 cabins again just for you and dh, the time to say no to nephew was when your parents first mentioned it, who booked their cabin?

Izzymoon · 22/08/2024 10:22

familydrama1 · 22/08/2024 10:15

If you read my previous replies. I did pay for half my parents cabin as my child would be in there too. My brother, however, did not pay a penny for my nephew

Show quote history

Yep it’s all down to bitterness.

blackfushia · 22/08/2024 10:22

familydrama1 · 22/08/2024 10:15

If you read my previous replies. I did pay for half my parents cabin as my child would be in there too. My brother, however, did not pay a penny for my nephew

Show quote history

I think you need to let go of the resentment that your brother hasn’t paid towards the room. That isn’t your nephew’s fault, neither is it the fault of your parents who obviously thought it was a kind offer to include him. If your brother had paid you would have no option but to suck up the expense of another room, which everyone is telling you is the way forward now. Excluding your nephew would be a cruel thing to do and may well cause issues for your parents with your brother as you’ve said as well as having an effect on your nephew. Do you really want this to cause long term issues for everyone in the family because that is the way it is headed if don’t stop insisting you have a right to that space.

AskMeTomorrow · 22/08/2024 10:24

We booked a family holiday with a place for future baby while I was still pregnant. It wasn’t possible to do online but customer services did it over the phone easily enough. I just had to contact them again once she was born to give them her name and date of birth.

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