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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family holiday drama

828 replies

familydrama1 · 21/08/2024 21:36

So we are due to go on holiday next year with family. We invited my parents, they booked their own room - they then invited my nephew (who is 17). My brother didn't pay for my nephew or even offer to pay for their place.

I found out I was pregnant recently and can't book the baby's space until they are born. Also there will be no spaces as, the baby is due 4 months before the holiday. Anyone we trust with our child will be on that holiday. We need to take my nephew off the booking and change it to the baby when they are born.

AIBU to take my nephew off the booking (I have spoken to my parents about this and they understand) but I know my brother won't be happy and it will cause drama. Or should just not go and lose thousands 😣

Need an outside perspective pleaseeee

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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WeightLossGoal2024 · 22/08/2024 00:27

Spotlightt · 21/08/2024 23:38

You're saying you can't book another room until the baby is born. But you can surely book another for either you or your DH now, then add the baby when the time comes? No you can't take your nephew off.

This

farfromideal · 22/08/2024 00:29

familydrama1 · 21/08/2024 22:52

I did not invite my parents for an extra hand this was only supposed to be my little family's holiday and people wanted to come on my husbands side, so we made it a big family holiday actually and I invited my parents to come.

There are multiple adults going - so it's not free childcare or extra hands. I am not using my parents, how ridiculous.

What sort of room were you going to book at the beginning, when it was just your DH and you with all the children?

OriginalUsername2 · 22/08/2024 00:34

I think I need a diagram 😅

In what situation can you not book a room until a baby is born? I don’t get it.

03cg73 · 22/08/2024 00:36

Can you not just book an extra room, you go in one room with 2,of your kids and your husband go in the other with your other 2 kids?

Rockmehardplace · 22/08/2024 00:36

Book a room & say your dad is going to be in it, but just put your nephew in instead? Or can one of your children go in with a member of husbands family so baby is in your room?

Mysinglepringle · 22/08/2024 00:37

03cg73 · 22/08/2024 00:36

Can you not just book an extra room, you go in one room with 2,of your kids and your husband go in the other with your other 2 kids?

Yeah she can, but she doesn't want to. It's much fairer for her nephew to be booted off the trip and for her parents to fund half her family's accommodation on the cruise and none of her brothers.

Bellyblueboy · 22/08/2024 00:47

Ilovelifeverymuch · 22/08/2024 00:04

But it's her trip so while I grow for nephew he doesn't have priority over her children. She booked the trip and paid for it and nephew wasn't part of the original plans.

Now it I could afford it I would book another room under one of the adults name so removing nephew is the last resort but with would she drop her child for nephew? How does that even make sense?

Baby may not be their priority but OP booked and paid for the trip not nephew's parents or grandparents so yes OP and her kids come first.

Edited

I thought the grandparents booked and paid for their own room and are paying for nephew? Doing OP a favour by accommodating one of her children?

have I picked this up wrong - I didn’t think OP was paying for her parents and nephew?

she ‘invited’ her parents because it made it cheaper for her - they paid for the second room she needed

BCSurvivor · 22/08/2024 00:48

OP I feel so sorry for your parents.
They paid for their own room and generously invited and paid for their nephew...who you now want taken off the booking, to be replaced by your new baby, rather than just booking an extra room yourself.
You are also offloading a couple of your children into your parents room for the duration of the cruise.
It seems to me that you only invited (but didn't pay for) your parents so that you wouldn't have to book (and pay for) an extra room for your own family, while begrudging your parents paying for your nephew.
You're coming across as entitled and selfish.

Clarinet1 · 22/08/2024 00:50

AdultChildQuestion · 21/08/2024 22:19

Can a child go in with the parents-in-law? If not, book another room for you and the baby.

Chucking your nephew off the boat is unpleasant, selfish and unkind.

Well he’d certainly get rather wet! (Sorry, couldn’t resist!)

Mysinglepringle · 22/08/2024 00:53

BCSurvivor · 22/08/2024 00:48

OP I feel so sorry for your parents.
They paid for their own room and generously invited and paid for their nephew...who you now want taken off the booking, to be replaced by your new baby, rather than just booking an extra room yourself.
You are also offloading a couple of your children into your parents room for the duration of the cruise.
It seems to me that you only invited (but didn't pay for) your parents so that you wouldn't have to book (and pay for) an extra room for your own family, while begrudging your parents paying for your nephew.
You're coming across as entitled and selfish.

Exactly, she's not happy that her brother isnt paying for her nephew and being in their room, although she is fine with her child being paid for by them and now she wants him dropped and anorher of her children to take his place.

HollyKnight · 22/08/2024 00:58

Also, your nephew will be 18yo by the time of the cruise so there is that extra adult you need to book another room (even though you can just book one with either you or DH as the adult like others have said).

Thedogscollar · 22/08/2024 00:59
Mind GIF

Mind officially blown.

okayhescereal · 22/08/2024 01:22

Bogginsthe3rd · 21/08/2024 22:54

Evidently

😂😂😂😂

Inyournewdress · 22/08/2024 01:37

I can’t see why you can’t book another room using one of your parents or yourself or your partner as the adult. It’s not uncommon for people sharing to decide to book an additional room for one of them.

I’m not sure how many thousands you stand to lose. But I do feel it’s quite likely that you could not pay me that amount to take a 6 month old on a cruise. They could have bad reflux or catch the colds that always go through these ships and the nights in that cabin will be hell.

Josette77 · 22/08/2024 02:00

Book a separate room for you then add the baby.

Why does it matter that your brother didn't pay for his son and your parents did? What does that have to do with anything?

Crystallizedring · 22/08/2024 03:26

You will have to cancel then. You don't invite people from a holiday. Or pay more for a larger room. Or if your ILs are going can't one of your children sleep in their room.
But if there's no room for the baby just cancel and claim on your insurance.

Crystallizedring · 22/08/2024 03:27

Crystallizedring · 22/08/2024 03:26

You will have to cancel then. You don't invite people from a holiday. Or pay more for a larger room. Or if your ILs are going can't one of your children sleep in their room.
But if there's no room for the baby just cancel and claim on your insurance.

That should read you don't uninvite people from a holiday.

Youcantcallacatspider · 22/08/2024 04:24

12 pages in and OP is still making zero sense. Basically she's wanting to kick nephew out of a room that she didn't even pay for? And possibly she's trying to sneak on a baby who's 4MO disguised as a 6MO even though they will presumably need a passport so this will never work? And they can't possibly add baby to the booking yet and the only solution is for baby to replace an almost adult passenger despite multiple people (some who work for cruise lines) stating that it's absolutely possible to add a hypothetical baby to a booking, that the passenger quotas are split into age groups and the cruise is almost definitely not fully booked yet. And we have a suspiciously aloof and cryptic OP.... Whether this is genuine or not she's taking the p£%s. However, the brain ache has at least made me very sleepy. I am going to put my phone down and get back to sleep. Thanks OP for curing my insomnia

WiddlinDiddlin · 22/08/2024 04:26

Presumably if OP's baby can't go, then OP can't go, so her kids and her DH won't be going so her parents won't go...

So there is no holiday for the nephew to go on anyway, if the baby can't go?

SomeoneLeftTheDoorOpen · 22/08/2024 04:31

It’s a tough call. I would be worried about a small baby catching something dreadful on a cruise. What about if either you or your husband stayed home with baby and the other goes? Who knows what kind of temperament baby will have. Might be the kind of baby that’s not super chill. Mine was fussy at six months and would likely scream blue murder if we were bopping about on a cruise. We barely made it to the supermarket😂

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 22/08/2024 04:33

Sorry @familydrama1 I have only read all of your posts, and having never been on a cruise, or had any problems like yours, my suggestions will probably br silly, but here goes just in case ...

Who's names are the different rooms booked in? If your room is booked in your name can't your husband book a room in his name, and have one or both of your older children in with him, and vice versa if your cabin is booked in his name? I know that would mean you and your DH couldn't sleep together, but while sharing with children in your room I don't suppose you could, or would even want to, get intimate with your DH overnight - but you may be able to sneak some time together during the day sometimes, as you will have a lot of babysitters available by the sound of it!

If that wouldn't work, could at least one of your nephew's parents come along and book a new room, then have their son - your nephew - in with them? Therefore that would leave your parent's enough room to have one of your older children in with them, while your other child, and the baby stay with you and your husband in your cabin?

If there really is no feasable way for you all to be together, then I think you should let everyone know that sadly, due to the joyous news of your precious pregancy, you can no longer go on the cruise. I would then leave it a few days before actually cancelling your part of the trip (as someone else might come up with a different scenario that no-one else has thought of yet).

Dear OP, if you do have to cancel your holiday, I hope that you bought travel insurance for the four of you at the same time as booking your cruise? If you did do so, the insurance, unless very basic, will surely cover you cancelling since you have unexpectedly fallen pregnant?

Sunplanner · 22/08/2024 05:06

If each the rooms can take 4 people, why don't your PIL have one (or two) of your children in their cabin?

Cabin 1 - you, DH, 1 x your child, 1 x your baby
Cabin 2 - PIL, 1 or 2 x your children (not sure if you have 3 or 4 in total)
Cabin 3 - Your parents, 1 x your DC, nephew

LSTMS30555 · 22/08/2024 05:10

Sounds more like a cruise for you,your DH & in-laws and your poor parents are getting took along to babysit!
Why can't your IL's have the baby in with them?
Why won't you book another cabin?
If your nephew gets kicked from the booking it's your parents losing money as they paid not you.
You'll be shit on if your parents decide they'd rather not go than tell their grandson he's no longer going.
(Hopefully if your parents cancel now they'll get some sort of refund)

RubyWriter · 22/08/2024 05:13

I would book another room and you and your husband split. Not ideal but we’ve done it on lots of holidays oh sleeps with two children and you sleep with baby.

oakleaffy · 22/08/2024 05:21

Just have the baby in with you and your husband- Problem solved.