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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family holiday drama

828 replies

familydrama1 · 21/08/2024 21:36

So we are due to go on holiday next year with family. We invited my parents, they booked their own room - they then invited my nephew (who is 17). My brother didn't pay for my nephew or even offer to pay for their place.

I found out I was pregnant recently and can't book the baby's space until they are born. Also there will be no spaces as, the baby is due 4 months before the holiday. Anyone we trust with our child will be on that holiday. We need to take my nephew off the booking and change it to the baby when they are born.

AIBU to take my nephew off the booking (I have spoken to my parents about this and they understand) but I know my brother won't be happy and it will cause drama. Or should just not go and lose thousands 😣

Need an outside perspective pleaseeee

OP posts:
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5
Acey93 · 21/08/2024 23:30

Let's break it down OP. I cruise frequently and you are absolutely doing zero to help yourself.

  1. You were planning a cruise with just your DH and kids, in two rooms. (3kids?)
  2. The grandparents wanted to come so booked and paid for their own room and offered to take one of your kids, so you don't need a second room now.
  3. Grandparents had an extra space so they invited and paid for your nephew to join, everyone's happy.
  4. You are now pregnant and are trying to convince us (and yourself?) that your at the time, 4 month old baby needs a spot now, so should there for take a spot that A. isn't in your cabin, or one you paid for and B. NOT A SPACE YOU PAID FOR.
  5. So you have conjured a plan to boot your nephew, in place of a child who won't be old enough to join anyway and all for free?

Solutions offered:

  1. Book the second room you were planning on doing anyway, you stay in your cabin and your husband goes down as the adult in the second cabin, where you (not even legal for the ship) baby can be added.
  2. You keep saying you can't book another room, absolute nonsense, cruises don't book out a year in advance, not even an inside cabin? Post the cruise and prove it or it ain't true.
  3. Rebook the cruise at a later date, you are well outside if the window to cancel or rebook. Everyone wins here, you get your two cabins and your grandparents and nephew probably get to make up an excuse as to why they can't join now and hopefully do their own holiday.

What an exhausting thread. Each post from you felt like water boarding.

BrieHugger · 21/08/2024 23:32

I feel like a lot will slot into place if you explain the in-laws arrangements. Like, it’d make more sense if they also include older kids, because for the life of me I can’t think why any self respecting 17 year old lad would want to go on this holiday with his grandparents and very young cousins.

Elphamouche · 21/08/2024 23:34

HMW1906 · 21/08/2024 23:29

Yep baby was going to be 4 months old in the OP then suddenly became 6 months old in later comments 🤔🙄

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That’s what I thought I’d read… but cba to go back to it.

babies under 6m usually can’t cruise OP. I think you’re tying yourself in knots.

longdistanceclaraclara · 21/08/2024 23:34

Book another room now and you or husband have the baby in with you. You can't bump of the nephew.

HelpmyDCbecomefinanciallysavvy · 21/08/2024 23:34

Sunsetbeachhouse · 21/08/2024 23:26

Op if this is what the situation is I have no idea why you are here asking the question. You keep arguing your point to anyone that questions you. You don't need validation. If no one has paid you any money for his place and the holiday is ages away , and now the baby needs the spot ( I have no idea about these things by the way) then the baby needs the spot end of. I wouldn't waste your time here anymore and I would instead be speaking to your brother to let him know.. if he can't go then he can't go. That's it.

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The validation she is getting from this post is that she is indeed a spiteful person to bump her nephew off her PIL’s room (which they paid for not OP) especially considering that originally OP was going to book and pay for 2 rooms anyway for her own children.

Ella31 · 21/08/2024 23:35

familydrama1 · 21/08/2024 21:48

This is the only way otherwise we will lose thousands. My mum decided to invite my nephew after we invited them. We are going with my husbands family

You said in your original post that your parents are going , and in this post you said you are going with dh's family? Which is it?

Pookerrod · 21/08/2024 23:37

mrsm43s · 21/08/2024 23:06

You were going to book (and pay for) two rooms originally, but your Mum was happy to have your daughter in the room with her, saving you the cost of a room. The fourth space in the room isn't and has never been yours since you didn't pay for that room.

You now need another space, so need to pay for another room. You in one room with 2 children, your DH in the other with your other 2 children.

You can't fit your whole family in one room, so you need to pay for two rooms!

Your Mum is entitled to choose who shares her room that she pays for, and she's quite reasonably chosen your nephew.

You're being colossally unreasonable.

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100% this!

You have 4 kids, pretty much wherever and whenever you holiday you’re going to need 2 rooms. You having 4 children and only booking 1 room isn’t your nephew’s problem.

Ella31 · 21/08/2024 23:37

itsgettingweird · 21/08/2024 22:01

Family drama

If you told us how many rooms and how many and who are in each room ti would probably be clearer.

However your baby has gone from being 4 months to 6 months at travel.

You've added a dd to your parents room and now you are saying there's other children in your room.

We would very likely - definitely - be able to empathise and help with actual information to go on.

I think this post is BS. If you read page one she also says its dh's family she is going with. And in another post 1 daughter was sharing a room with grandparents but all of a sudden 2 children of hers are in her and dh's room

Spotlightt · 21/08/2024 23:38

You're saying you can't book another room until the baby is born. But you can surely book another for either you or your DH now, then add the baby when the time comes? No you can't take your nephew off.

tolerable · 21/08/2024 23:39

a cot? thats all you need,if that

BrieHugger · 21/08/2024 23:39

Ella31 · 21/08/2024 23:37

I think this post is BS. If you read page one she also says its dh's family she is going with. And in another post 1 daughter was sharing a room with grandparents but all of a sudden 2 children of hers are in her and dh's room

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She’s drip feeding us, backwards.

Sunshine1500 · 21/08/2024 23:45

I’ve taken my kids under 2 years on holidays and they’ve not counted as a person just an infant that’s shared my bed. Taken a travel cot sometimes. Would they not allow this ?

Theimpossiblegirl · 21/08/2024 23:45

You and the baby could stay at home. Sorted.

Abouttimeforanamechange · 21/08/2024 23:46

if you are worried about having losing money then take out a third party insurance now and cancel when eligible.

She can't claim for something she knew about before taking out the policy.

Your parents invited your nephew so they can uninvite him and explain why.

Why the hell should they?

willstarttomorrow · 21/08/2024 23:47

Sorry I am hard of thinking. Basically OP will now have 3 children rather than 2 and seems shocked that this means they will now need an extra room? Grandparents have paid for their own room and had space to take children's cousin but as it will now cost OP extra for additional room their solution is that their nephew should not come?

ezzemma · 21/08/2024 23:48

You said you was going to book another room ,but your mom added one of your children in her room. So just do what you was going to do originally and book another room. You can't kick your nephew off the booking. It doesn't matter if you invited him or not , as you didn't pay for him

Hoardasauruskaren · 21/08/2024 23:49

I u derstand it as Op family of 5 planned to go on cruise along with unknown number of IL family. As a family of 5 they would have to book 2 rooms. To save in costs they decided to invite Ops DP who would pay for 1 of the rooms & take 1 of Ops children (DC1) in their room. Op then only pays for 1 room. DPs decide to invite DN so there is now 4 in their room & 4 in Ops room.
Op then falls pregnant so now requires an extra room. Op doesn’t want to pay for that so wants to bump DN & put DC2 in with DPs and new baby with her & DH and DC3. I assume ILs have no spaces as OP wouldn’t have bothered inviting her own DPs if ILs could take DC1 ?

KrisAkabusi · 21/08/2024 23:50

MrsClatterbuck · 21/08/2024 23:23

Your parents invited your nephew so they can uninvite him and explain why.

Why? They are paying for their own holiday. They invited him and are paying for him. Why should they now tell him he can't go? Because his aunt is pregnant again?

Mercedes45 · 21/08/2024 23:51

Sounds like you are the one causing the drama.

Abouttimeforanamechange · 21/08/2024 23:53

I assume ILs have no spaces as OP wouldn’t have bothered inviting her own DPs if ILs could take DC1 ?

Or perhaps ILs said 'Hell no!' when it was suggested and that's why OP invited her parents.

Bellyblueboy · 21/08/2024 23:54

OP your communication skills need work!

if I have understood you couldn’t go on this holiday without your parents because you need them to take one of your children?

Your parents have booked and paid for their own room and had planned to have one of your children with them.

they had space so invited their ther grandchild. They paid for him too. You are annoyed that your brother didn’t pay.

now you have found yourself pregnant. Your only solution is this extra child is your parents issue to accommodate on the holiday so you have instructed them to uninvite their other grandchild.

that is awful and selfish. You need to get a handle on yourself!

you got pregnant, this is you and your dh’s issue to solve: Pony Up - book an extra room. Anything else is incredibly selfish.

if I was your parents I would absolutely refuse to treat the 17 year old like this. Hopefully they are decent people

Ilovelifeverymuch · 21/08/2024 23:57

Happygogoat · 21/08/2024 21:54

you quite clearly just don’t want him to come, which is fine but it seems the baby is the red herring. Don’t see what configuration of rooms and space is affected by a baby - they go in a travel cot?

That's not how it works for cruises, it's based on occupancy due to safety and maritime laws etc so you can't just say the baby will sit on my laps or in my bed. Cruise ships need to have life jackets and space on their life boats for every single person on board and no they will not agree to the baby can sit on my lap in the lifeboat so I get what @familydrama1 is trying to say.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 21/08/2024 23:59

FawnFrenchieMum · 21/08/2024 22:03

How about you bump your own teen instead of your nephew?!

WTH would she do that for a trip she booked and paid for and her parents decided to invite someone else?

Mercedes45 · 22/08/2024 00:00

Bogginsthe3rd · 21/08/2024 22:54

Evidently

Ah ha ha ha, how did I miss such an obvious joke.

Mumandcarer80 · 22/08/2024 00:00

I couldn't think of a worse holiday with a young baby. Are you planning to breastfeed? What if you can't where will you sterilise and make bottles up?