Leaving baby with stranger

[sunshine240778474]

I took my 8 month old baby to her first swimming lesson today. Once we were out dried and dressed. I was bursting for a pee. None of the toilets had an area for me to put my baby down while I went to the toilet. I didn't have a pram with me.

An older lady who was at the swimming pool watching her grandchildren swim said she would hold her while I went to the toilet. I was a bit hesitant at first but then agreed because she looked nice.

Everything was fine.

Afterwards I felt terrible and so guilty that I left her with a stranger because she 'looked nice'

Was it wrong of me to leave her?
When I told my partner he made me feel worse.
Now I feel like a terrible mother.

I have done the same. Don't overthink it.

This.

Seems perfectly fine. Nothing happened so, clearly, your judgement was solid. You didn’t pass her to someone on the street. You were in a controlled risk environment with plenty of cameras and a family who either have named membership or likely paid with a card which can be traced back to the lady. Non-issue.

Your baby is completely fine and you have enough to worry about without beating yourself up. Be kind to yourself.

Maybe use it as an opportunity to consider what you’ll do if a similar situation presents itself in the future… I used to bring a little waterproof roll up mat with me and if I had to I would lie my baby down on the floor of the toilet so they were safe and clean but I could see them.

Your partner might be right to worry about it but damaging your self esteem isn’t going to make you a better mum- you’re already doing the best you can.

Sending hugs and solidarity.

I would have done the same! There's a pretty low risk that a grandparent watching her grandchildren during a swimming lesson is going to suddenly abduct your child.

I’d have done same, and think I have also laid baby on a toilet floor at swimming. Not ideal but they’re about to go in chlorine and get washed. Sometimes we’ve just got to pick the least bad option and then move on and forget about it!

The fact you’re worrying means you’re a good mum!

I once took my 2 month old and 4 year old on a 3 hour train journey and my 4 year old needed the toilet and obviously they’re tiny and we were sitting right next to it and a lovely older lady offered to hold my baby whilst I took DS to the toilet (she overheard him asking) and I made a judgment call. All was OK and she really loved having a little cuddle with a baby!

This has happened to me I've both held my baby whilst I somehow pulled down my swimsuit with one hand and sat him sort of on my shoulder whilst I had a wee 🤦‍♀️ and also laid them on the gross floor which I only did once. I would definitely have left him with a grandparent, the risk is so so low its not worth thinking about. Tell your partner to fuck off.

I think you made a better decision than putting your baby on the toilet floor. A lady watching her grandchild swim wouldn't be able to leave the building in a hurry!
And actually most people are nice. I'd be chuffed to have a quick hold of a baby!
No harm done. Stop fretting and move on.
But yes think about how to manage in future swimming trips.

And what would he have done? Peed in the pool so the issue didn't arrive? Use his manly powers to hold his wee? Balanced her safely in one hand whilst removing a full body covering?

I've left my twins outside a loo in a shop with a woman in the past. Loo too small for buggy, couldn't have managed both, alt was to pee myself. Likelihood that a random woman I accosted wanted to steal twins?

It was probably the best option open to you at that time. And as others have said, it is very unlikely that someone watching their own grandchild would disappear with your child.

Don't beat yourself up about it.

It's fine.

You made the right choice.

I'd also be telling your partner that he can take her to her next lesson as he seems to be the baby swimming expert.

Sit on the toilet holding the child. Not ideal, not easy, but I'd rather that than a stranger take, drop or injure my baby

personally i would never leave my baby or child with a stranger, you dont know who they are, she could have had mental health issues and been deranged just not worth the risk. I would have carried my baby whilst i peed

I did the same when dd2 wad similar age and dd1 was bursting
When dd2 was handed back the woman thanked me for trusting her and said she didn't recall the last time she had held a baby and she had so enjoyed it. Made me feel a lot better

also had a woman ask to hold my friends infant before, she said yes and the woman started walking away with the baby, my friend had to literally wrestle her to the floor for her to give the baby back. The woman was squeezing the baby so hard so that she wouldn't let go that my friend took her to hospital and baby had a broken rib. police said she had Issues basically.

I was in a cafe yesterday with my DD and a mum at the next table had to take her elder child to the loo but also had a baby in the pram so was having to get her out the pram and it all looked like a big faff....i wanted to offer to watch the baby for her but i know a lot of people aren't comfortable with this so didn't offer

If near a park, I’d just find a bush to pee in like a dog 😂 I actually find that the easiest way as plenty of space in parks etc. and don’t have to wrangle baby in a tight womens toilet etc. I nearly always have the pushchair with me so baby can be strapped in whilst we are behind a bush with me peeing 😅

Yes I would have ,and wouldn’t have given it any headspace !

I think it’s fine. Sometimes you need to do things and put trust in others in order to be able to cope and whilst it’s good to be a bit cautious most people are good people.

Why couldn’t you just hold your child whilst you went to the loo?? I took my kids swimming solo and did this all the time without needing to put on floor.

The likelihood that a deranged grandmother was at the swimming baths with her grandchildren without any obvious issues seems quite low. This wasn't just a woman on the off the street, she'd managed to keep her grandkids safe without incident

I wouldn't have given this a second thought. Strangers have held my baby while at the pool with older dcs. The chance of someone wanting to abduct my child while simultaneously abandoning their own (still in the pool) were remarkably small

Oh my god you poor thing! I’ve been the friendly mother and am now the friendly grandmother who holds babies for frantic mothers who need a pee. The world has many more lively people than bad people. The gift of trust is what makes society possible. Please don’t regret reaching out and asking for help. I’m sure you made her day and created a tiny bit more joy and security in the world.