Leaving baby with stranger

[sunshine240778474]

I took my 8 month old baby to her first swimming lesson today. Once we were out dried and dressed. I was bursting for a pee. None of the toilets had an area for me to put my baby down while I went to the toilet. I didn't have a pram with me.

An older lady who was at the swimming pool watching her grandchildren swim said she would hold her while I went to the toilet. I was a bit hesitant at first but then agreed because she looked nice.

Everything was fine.

Afterwards I felt terrible and so guilty that I left her with a stranger because she 'looked nice'

Was it wrong of me to leave her?
When I told my partner he made me feel worse.
Now I feel like a terrible mother.

I've had to do it - it is a risk but needs must sometimes, don't feel guilty xx

lol. Such a weird, unfunny response to a totally anodyne comment.

No. You cannot go through life assuming everyone wants to do you harm, it will drive you nuts.

She was a a pool with her kids, she is going to be perfectly safe.

She’s making the point you could have left your baby with a kind stranger when the opportunity arose, rather than Houdini’d it in the bathroom on principle

lol. Such a weird, unfunny response to a totally anodyne comment.

Yes, you keep away from the weirdos. 🙄 It wasn't supposed to be funny so it doesn't matter if it doesn't amuse you.

I can't agree that your comment was anodyne. I thought it was quite unkind. Well, very unkind.

Because without the trust that most people aren't out to do each other harm we start to see the breakdown of society. Some of the absolute paranoia that you see on here from some posters is what is wrong with the world today.

Precisely this. If you were to believe some of the posters on here the mother should literally have baby attached to her 24/7. It is such a shame that women are happy to make other women feel bad about their choices, we should be supporting each other. When mine were young we very much relied on the kindness of others for such circumstances.

@Muthaofcats
You have chosen to never ever be in a perfectly ordinary situation if you perceive any risk whatsoever. You would rather martyr yourself than accept the help of another person but that doesn't make the OP lackadaisical.

Perhaps I should make an anodyne comment that helicoptering children constantly is lackadaisical as they will be fearful and risk adverse.

Because without the trust that most people aren't out to do each other harm we start to see the breakdown of society. Some of the absolute paranoia that you see on here from some posters is what is wrong with the world today.

I agree. And they people wonder why their children have anxiety.

The vast majority of harmed children are harmed by people known to them. Usually family members.

I wouldn’t have but that doesn’t mean I’m right and you were wrong.

Do you feel all big and clever for making a mum of a young baby feel bad for no reason? People like you judging are the reason that so many mothers of young babies have such a difficult time.

I said as much in my post.

“Children are harmed daily because too many people are too trusting of those they know…”

Two possibilities:

1. 8 month old with a hideous tummy bug (which the rest of us catch) after covering her hand with toilet germs and sucking it
2. Granny and kids abducting baby

While obviously one HAD to happen I'd chose 1 in a heart beat, if a had to chose a situation where 1 was VERY likely and the risk of 2 was miniscule, I'd chose 2!

Was at the park with my kids a few days ago and a mom was really stuck - her kid had climbed up really high and refused to come down - I asked did she want me to hold her small baby while she got him and she was so grateful. She was a little upset after (maybe like you!) but I was there with my children so very unlikely to take off with another - it takes a village and sounds like you did a quick and appropriate risk assessment, we aren’t meant to parent in isolation. Hope you’re feeling a bit better now.

99.999999999% of the time nothing is going to happen. Its fine, shes fine. Couod you not have her on your lap? its what I always did with mine if I was out and about, because she was clingy and would scream the place down if I put her down.

Completely agree and have done the same on multiple occasions. Also recommend carrying a baby carrier, you can get fabric ones which fold up very small so could easily keep it in your swimming bag/changing bag in case of emergencies if you don’t wish to use it any other time

I’ve had this issue - I just held baby?! Yes it’s awkward pulling down/up clothes with one hand but that’s mum life!
sat baby on my lap whilst sat on the toilet.
heck I’ve even had to breastfeed while on the toilet before with a very sad baby post jabs!
my anxiety could never leave any of my children with a stranger!

Considering that mumsnetters tend to be an educated, professional demographic, there are a lot of people in this thread whose risk perception is incredibly poor.

A grandma looking after her own grandkids at the swimming pool: Where's she going to go? And how, with two little ones to wrangle as well as the baby she quite unbelievably wants to steal? As close to zero risk as it comes.

Driving to the pool? Way more dangerous.

I get where you are coming from in terms where your head is at. As parents we all have tendency to overanalyse every single decision we make. This will not be the last time you beat yourself up. My child fell off the changing mat, my child almost scooted into the road, they almost got hurt when the brakes failed on their bike… I can write the book on late night fretful churning about bad stuff that never actually happened. And I promise they are now well adjusted teenagers and I still find ways to stay up churning this stuff in my mind.

the fact is you had a responsible adult who was watching their own grandchildren. You didn’t just pass your child to a person in the street. If another mother needed the loo and you were there with your child would you yourself have said I’ll watch the baby for a second? No doubt you would and all would have been fine. Not everyone is out to hurt everyone else. All was ok and no doubt you might see the same lady again and maybe you can chat and ask her name and get to know her.

try not to overanalyse and move on. Every parent has these sort of moments of ‘what if’

Odd really when a lot of people let a stranger hold their baby yet the inlaws are not allowed to go near the baby.

Nah, I'm pretty normal. My inlaws are allowed around the kids, they met them within hours of their births. I've left the dc with "strangers" at the pool, I've kept an eye on many children for other mums. It's all good

For me the in law thing would be more about me not feeling in a fit state to receive guests. Surely by the time you're taking a baby out you're past that grim postpartum stage.

It takes a village to raise a child and you did what you needed to do. Better than laying baby on a toilet floor!!
We are supposed to teach children to seek out parents with children or uniformed staff if they get lost so asking a grandmother who you could see was supervising children was 100% the right choice.

Shocked at some of these responses, like most of us haven’t had to juggle going to bathroom or taking swimming costume off while holding crying baby, it can be done. The worst thing about this is accepting an offer from someone who asked, that’s exactly how kids go missing and how predators work. Yes it’s low
likelihood but it’s an unnecessary risk. If you know a child who has gone missing you’d look at this completely differently, babies in particular because they can shout out help! We’ve just had an amber alert where I am in Canada for a child taken by a 65 yr old female- anyone can be an abductor! Needless risk