I don't care what issues your kid has you still need to parent them

[Differentstarts]

I'm fuming just had a massive argument with my now ex friend because she won't parent her kid. I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth you still need to parent them. I was at my friends this afternoon with my kids 7 and 4 and her kids 9 and 5. Our eldest kids where sat together nicely watching a film and youngest 2 where playing. Her 5 year old suddenly decides she wants to watch telly and picks the remote control up and changes the channel. My friends response was to the eldest 2 just let her otherwise she will kick off you can watch the rest later. Her eldest just accepted this he's clearly use to it. However I'm not accepting that so I took the remote and put the film back on so with that screaming and tears
Her eldest was agreeing with his mum and saying it's OK I don't mind Which was also annoying me. Then my friend started having a go at me how iv upset her daughter and how the kids didn't even mind watching it later. I struggle with anger issues so at this point I'm losing my shit at her (I know I shouldn't have) and I got my kids and left. I'm still fuming. I know I should of just left straight away but come on what is wrong with people

Yabu. If the eldest 2 where happy to watch it later you should of gone along with it
Yanbu she needs to discipline her daughter

She's not in charge of mistreating my kid just because it's her house

Hahahaha incredible

Your response confirms what I said in the post; you have a complete lack of insight/understanding.

Absolutely this. If you don't have an ND child you have no idea of their reality.

Angry, shouting person = no friend of mine. Angry, shouty person in my own home= damaging to my children.

I can’t imagine anyone I know doing this. I think you were a very rude guest to think that it was your decision to make.

I thought the kid was going to have hit someone or done something terrible. Maybe your friend thought that in order for all of you to enjoy a nice day together this was the easiest solution? She may have handled the situation differently without guests there.

Why was it your choice to make?

Sorry but your post stinks of someone privileged to have NT children and therefore doesn’t have ND adding a massive layer of complexity to the already extremely tough job that is parenting.

So does your attitude stink towards people who identify as a different sex by the sounds of it.

YABU. Your friend was probably just peace keeping. Sounds like you’re the one in the wrong here.

I don’t think you’re wrong, I to feel very sorry for compliant older siblings having to roll over/have their Lego broken/colouring ruined by younger (tantrumimh) siblings. Mum gets a quiet life while eldest suffers. I don’t think your way of handling it was ideal op but I stand by what you intended

Mistreating? Really? Then make an excuse and leave.

But how do they learn to regulate if they are not taught?

Do we just let them get away with whatever until 18 and then say, hey you are an adult - regulate yourself

I have bpd

You were at her house? And you kicked off at her in her own home? If so, that's awful behaviour - and far less acceptable than taking a call about which battles to fight over dividing up screen time

Don't you see the irony that you said you "lost your shit" and have anger issues but you're not allowing a child (who has additional needs?) to do the same?

Have we actually established that the child is ND?

If she hasn't then I don't blame you, her daughter sounds like a pain in the neck. She will struggle if her mum doesn't parent her properly soon.

Even if she has, I'm not sure letting her get away with murder is the answer!

And do you think people should make allowances for your bad behaviour because of your diagnosed condition? Does it justify your children having to witness your rage outbursts?
How did your parents parent you?

Well they also won’t grow up with much of an example of how to behave in other people’s homes either 🤷🏽‍♀️

It's their house so their rules
You can't assume that your friend "isn't parenting" - sometimes you have to pick your battles and sometimes the comfort of visiting guests isn't the top priority eg if you know that a tantrum trigger now will mean none of the fanily sleeps tonight.
It wasn't your call.
If it was your house, you wouldbe reasonable to say "in this house the rule us that the film is allowed to finish before we watch something else. You'll have to wait." And your friend has the option to go home if that's the best decision at that point.

You were correct to leave. You should have done so earlier, before the yelling.

This explains everything.

Wasn't 'parented' and didn't 'parent' my DCs. As far as I am concerned, 'parent is a noun not a verb. Somehow, we all survived and developed enough situational awareness to become successful adults.

Bpd isn't your former friends issue how dare you judge a 5 year old with extra needs when you have your own!!

"She's not in charge of mistreating my kid just because it's her house"

And how could you have handled this differently op, so that your own unregulated emotions were managed better, thus modelling the sort of behaviour you'd prefer to see in your friend's daughter. As we all know, children enact what they see?

How could you have handled this situation differently do you think?

You are right OP. Currently 58% say YABU - no wonder the country / world is going down the drain.

If have no issue with how the child acted my issue is how the mum handled it or more to the point didn't

You are crazy - she was keeping the peace as she had guests. Not about not parenting - 5 year olds can be a nightmare whether they are ND or not.

@Frenzi do you have an ND child?

She doesn't have a diagnosis