I don't care what issues your kid has you still need to parent them

[Differentstarts]

I'm fuming just had a massive argument with my now ex friend because she won't parent her kid. I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth you still need to parent them. I was at my friends this afternoon with my kids 7 and 4 and her kids 9 and 5. Our eldest kids where sat together nicely watching a film and youngest 2 where playing. Her 5 year old suddenly decides she wants to watch telly and picks the remote control up and changes the channel. My friends response was to the eldest 2 just let her otherwise she will kick off you can watch the rest later. Her eldest just accepted this he's clearly use to it. However I'm not accepting that so I took the remote and put the film back on so with that screaming and tears
Her eldest was agreeing with his mum and saying it's OK I don't mind Which was also annoying me. Then my friend started having a go at me how iv upset her daughter and how the kids didn't even mind watching it later. I struggle with anger issues so at this point I'm losing my shit at her (I know I shouldn't have) and I got my kids and left. I'm still fuming. I know I should of just left straight away but come on what is wrong with people

Yabu. If the eldest 2 where happy to watch it later you should of gone along with it
Yanbu she needs to discipline her daughter

The kid is a brat but I don't have a personal issue with her my issue is with her mum

I posted because I thought people would agree with me that parents need to parent and not give into their kids every whim while screwing over their other children. But I didn't think about the fact that mumsnet is full of gentle parents

So it's ok for you to describe a 5 year old as a brat, but you reject the idea that you and your appalling behaviour is anything other than justified and perfectly acceptable? Ooookkkk then.

I think that whatever your reasoning for your actions, you most probably greatly distressed that poor little boy, and I really hope he isn't blaming himself for your actions, as children so often do.

You speak about the fact you think she's teaching her child to behave badly.

Today you lost your shit in front of your children and hers and while you say you don't remember exactly what you did / said, you admit that it usually always includes shouting, sweating and threatening.

What do you think that is teaching your children about how to deal with conflict or perceived unfairness?

People do agree with you, parents do need to parent. So many people have told you she was in the wrong.

But you're not addressing that you were out of order and angry and probably threatening and no doubt intimidating, to children. You're so obnoxious.

It's not gentle parenting we're keeping in mind that you've mentioned potentially a nd sens 5 year old and you've said you have bpd and anger management issues.

I agree that the kid sounds like a really irritating, annoying child who I wouldn't tolerate either but you had the option of saying grab ya coats let's fuck off and you don't seem to be too fussed that you behaved aggressively disproportionately what exactly did you say to the ex friend?

I honestly don't remember I never do. I remember taking the remote and my friend saying just give her it back you've upset her now and I said are you taking the piss their watching a film and then it's a blur after that

Jesus you don't have to be a proponent of 'gentle parenting' to know that losing your shit, shouting, swearing and making threats in front of four young kids is bang out of fucking order.

So you may of even threatened violence? Do you know people mutually?

For context I also possibly have BPD (was diagnosed and then I am not diagnosed autistic but I still relate to a lot of the criteria and sometimes wonder if I had both).

You have basically black and white thought processed this situation. Behaved with poor impulse control and with pool emotional regulation in a house that you were a guest in with a child that is not your child, and potentially from what you said here went into a rage. Also you are devaluing your friend alot in this thread. There's a lot of borderline behaviour being exhibited in this thread.

What ever that kid did changing the channel you have massively over reacted here and behaved badly. Meant with kindness I think you need to reflect on this situation as if really comes across like this is a BPD situation opposed to anything massively wrong with your friends parenting decisions. You said you have been in therapy a long time with your BPD. Honestly it's recognising these situations for what they are once they have happened and taking responsibility for that that's helped me no end. Id advise doing the same here.

I can't believe that you're still justifying behaving like that in someone else's house, even if her child's behaviour was awful, and saying that the other person should apologise to you. You freely admit that when you're angry and aggressive you can't even remember what you do. That may well be something you can't help but it's not something you can do in other people's houses with children around. If you become that angry, you leave.

I don't live in the UK.

Cool. Everyone on this thread is judging YOU.

Well if you ever decide to move here you will be able to get a job in the crisis team you would fit right in

Of course she was unreasonable to tell another parent how to manage her ND 5 year olds behaviour in her own home. Perhaps that parent knows that changing it back will cause that kid to have a meltdown and then her ‘friend’ will also fly off the handle and threaten her cos her kid is crying.
its not about obeying a 5 yo but picking your battles. Maybe she’s exhausted at the end of a tough school holiday and she can’t face another episode with her kid. And that’s her prerogative in her own house!

Yeah we have mutual friends

You'll soon find out what you said then lol

Not everyone 42% of people agree with me

99%

42% agree with me

Not in the comments they don't. The comments don't reflect the voting.

WOW😱..horrific. I'm scared for your children. I hope social services are involved.

I wonder if people voted based on the OP, without realising that you shouted and swore at the kid.