I don't care what issues your kid has you still need to parent them

[Differentstarts]

I'm fuming just had a massive argument with my now ex friend because she won't parent her kid. I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth you still need to parent them. I was at my friends this afternoon with my kids 7 and 4 and her kids 9 and 5. Our eldest kids where sat together nicely watching a film and youngest 2 where playing. Her 5 year old suddenly decides she wants to watch telly and picks the remote control up and changes the channel. My friends response was to the eldest 2 just let her otherwise she will kick off you can watch the rest later. Her eldest just accepted this he's clearly use to it. However I'm not accepting that so I took the remote and put the film back on so with that screaming and tears
Her eldest was agreeing with his mum and saying it's OK I don't mind Which was also annoying me. Then my friend started having a go at me how iv upset her daughter and how the kids didn't even mind watching it later. I struggle with anger issues so at this point I'm losing my shit at her (I know I shouldn't have) and I got my kids and left. I'm still fuming. I know I should of just left straight away but come on what is wrong with people

Yabu. If the eldest 2 where happy to watch it later you should of gone along with it
Yanbu she needs to discipline her daughter

I have heard shitty stuff from MH professionals too. There is so much stigma around the diagnosis. But that is a topic for another thread!

Well maybe she will think twice next time about treating her eldest child like shit infront of others

Yeah tbf It seemed fair game due to the comments about the child's potentially nd disorder.

I should doubt many people would want to associate with her and a badly behaved child like that either.

I certainly wouldn't want to visit a friend and put up with that

Well maybe she will think twice next time about treating her eldest child like shit infront of others

Jesus Christ - you think this is justification for shouting, swearing and MAKING THREATS?

I feel sorry for your kids frankly op. And I say that as someone else who's been diagnosed with EUPD. Carry on like this and social services will be involved, if they're not already.

Once again, OP is annoyed by something she also does and she can't see the irony in it. Lol

It’s you that needs to think twice tbh.

I will always stick up for anyone being treated unfairly and I'm not gonna apologise for that

My kids are a lot happier then hers

Well @Differentstarts when your kids start mimicking your absolutely unimpressive behaviour because that's the only way they know how to manage conflict, I hope you're prepared for the barrage of criticism your parenting will receive.

Yes but I expect most people would leave, not behave like that.

But op the punishment should fit the crime... 5 year olds do indeed do shit like that even without editional needs I'd argue that 5 year olds are the most annoying irritating irrational living creatures on earth. Now you may be thinking not mine? Well maybe just maybe they've witnessed you losing ya shit and have very quickly adjusted themselves! As someone with 10 nieces and nephews I can tell you 5 is a very challenging age!

Well yes lol . And refuse any other such invites

This isn't the main point of this post but the more I read MN, the more I realise there are so many people who are armchair psychologists and judgy fuckers of things they don't understand.

People are ableist as fuck with ADHD or other ND conditions on these boards. And now people are jumping onto OP because she mentioned she had BPD. As soon as I saw it, I knew the onslaught would come. And now it's turned the thread into what's wrong with people with BPD.

I bet you're the same people who posted be kind after Caroline Flack killed herself.

BPD people are not necessarily narcissistic at all, you cannot tar everyone with the same brush. It is true, they are much more vulnerable to abusive relationships. As are ND People. A lot of the time, they hurt themselves more than they do other people. They have had trauma, often as a child and BPD manifests as a result. Have some damn empathy. And no I don't have BPD. But I don't claim to fully understand a condition that I do not have. But I can empathise. It can't be easy to live with.

Now I'm not for one second suggesting the op handled it the best. I'm sorry OP I don't. I'm not saying you don't have a point about the little girl's manners and her mother's parenting. However, you had no right to change it over in someone else's house and then lose it as you say. Take responsibility for yourself. I have to with my condition and you do too. You can recognise the thoughts before the mist descends. I would recommend acceptance and commitment therapy. It's good for helping to recognise these things.

Once you've calmed down, have a really good think of your own actions. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but right now, it's good to reflect as you acted badly. I think you should apologise to your friend, even if you don't want to be friends again. You kicked off in her home in front of her children. You were very rude yourself!

I know it's hard getting a hold of your anger. I know with having ADHD, it's not easy. But you have to take responsibility for yourself and learn from it. Sometimes, it is you I'm afraid.

Good luck to you op.

I have nothing against the 5 year old or how they act. All Kids absolutely can be little shits at times. My problem is how my friend reacted and how her eldest child just accepted it.

Oh 100% I'd of been really irritated and wouid of calmly addressed why I was leaving never to return!

You are massively unreasonable.

Not your kid. Not your house. Not up to you. Not your place to step in and start parenting her child how you see fit over her head when noone was in danger of harm. You were a guest in her house. You are expressing black and white thinking about this and the language you use is quite aggressive about it. You are on the internet calling your friends kid a brat. You should apologise.

Has that little boy ever witnessed you kick off before, or your sister? Because I know, that as a kid, I would go to great lengths to avoid my sister having a meltdown.

Her kid is a brat and that's her mums fault for giving in to her all the time at the expense of her eldest son.

Op you are not going to get an apology from her, not because she hasn't learnt her lesson, but probably she's glad to be rid of you even if it's you that's blocked her. There's no danger of her coming to find you to issue a grovelling apology.

You had a tantrum yourself at her house and behaved far worse than her child did. Please don't justify it by saying you wouldn't have done if she'd parented her child properly, because even if she is in the wrong, you have to take responsibility for your own behaviour and not blame someone else.

To be honest, if I was her I'd be relieved to be an ex-friend of yours. You sound draining.

OP why did you post and ask people's opinions, we give them,mostly tell you that you were unreasonable, and you are not taking it in, its like hitting your head against a brick wall.

Her eldest does not mind though. They seemed ok to wait to finish their film later on. They also will not want to see their little sister have a meltdown.
It sounds like you have a strong sense of justice about things (I do too), and seeing things like this can be a trigger for strong emotions.

Make your mind up op on one hand you say you say you have nothing against the kid, and all kids can be annoying and in the next breath you're calling kid a brat! At least TRY to be consistent!

That's exactly what came to my mind when I saw this ☹️

I do, but I don't believe he didn't mind he was literally in the middle of a film that him and my daughter where excited to watch.I think he's just been taught what little sis wants she gets so he needs to step aside and let her have it. First it's films and toys what's next for the poor kid his dinner his birthday presents, his bedroom. It's not only that he's being treat completely unfairly but he's also being taught to be a pushover.