I don't care what issues your kid has you still need to parent them

[Differentstarts]

I'm fuming just had a massive argument with my now ex friend because she won't parent her kid. I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth you still need to parent them. I was at my friends this afternoon with my kids 7 and 4 and her kids 9 and 5. Our eldest kids where sat together nicely watching a film and youngest 2 where playing. Her 5 year old suddenly decides she wants to watch telly and picks the remote control up and changes the channel. My friends response was to the eldest 2 just let her otherwise she will kick off you can watch the rest later. Her eldest just accepted this he's clearly use to it. However I'm not accepting that so I took the remote and put the film back on so with that screaming and tears
Her eldest was agreeing with his mum and saying it's OK I don't mind Which was also annoying me. Then my friend started having a go at me how iv upset her daughter and how the kids didn't even mind watching it later. I struggle with anger issues so at this point I'm losing my shit at her (I know I shouldn't have) and I got my kids and left. I'm still fuming. I know I should of just left straight away but come on what is wrong with people

Yabu. If the eldest 2 where happy to watch it later you should of gone along with it
Yanbu she needs to discipline her daughter

@Puffalicious in the STEPPS program that is recommended for BPD, there is a section on 'filters' - we all see the world through our own filters, but in BPD these filters are disproportionately negative, and cover abandonment, mistrust, shame etc and one is 'entitlement'. When people with BPD experience the world the the entitlement filter, which is a sense of off the scale personal injustice, which can come across as arrogant but is really a maladaptive coping strategy.

You know what's also common. People with bpd getting into relationships with narcissists.

Oh and don't apologise!! she'll likely only accept due to finding you very scarey mary and will be constantly waiting for the next explosion! Block her/unfriend on social media don't Subject her and her young children to anymore outbursts. You'll be the talk of the town tonight!

I doubt it narcissistic people usually want somebody they can show off about!

I work for the NHS and I don’t believe that people with BPD are narcissistic at all but emotionally volatile for sure. That’s why it is currently called EUPD.
I have huge empathy for people with your condition and I had pleasure of working with people who got it under control and they are, on a whole, amazing human beings. However, even though I have this view I cannot find it in me to justify your behaviour. Seeing a person with EUPD “losing their shit” is a disturbing experience for an adult, never mind a child.
The parenting strategies your fiend uses may be questionable but, for most people, it is not the end of the world to have their film interrupted. More importantly, your outburst achieved nothing. Your friend will continue to parent the way she does because your… feedback…. was not conducive to her changing her mind.
I am sure the only outcome of this exchange is 4 very scared children and your friend thinking you are a bit nuts. Which is really an unfortunate outcome for people with your diagnosis. This is why you are finding people in the NHS holding negative views about BPD/EUPD. It is scary and emotionally exhausting trying to work and reason with someone who is distressed, angry, threatening, swearing and doesn’t have effective strategies to regulate their mood. Even if we intellectually understand that it is 1000 times worse for you.

It's a fact Google it

Logically I can't see somebody being all smug and superior than then going for somebody who's constantly enraged surely they'd want an ego stroke not a wailing match lol. My sons father is both bpd and an absolute narcissistic ( he openly admits it to ) anyway therapy didn't work for him either! What else have you tried?

Therapy for bpd is very varied in the UK. Unfortunately where I live dbt or Stepps or anything for that matter doesn't exist so iv had trauma therapy, emotional regulation and mindfulness and that's about it my years under mh services have mainly consisted of my cpn checking I'm alive and taking my meds and the crisis team stepping in and out when needed.

I also wonder how accurate OP's perception of her friend , her parenting and the DD's behaviour are , given her responses on this thread.

She seems to jump to conclusions and see only what she wants to see.

Her behaviour is a symptom of her condition. Inexcusable though.

What I wrote is exactly what happened

You were at her house so her rules.

You handled it badly OTOH I do agree that parents need to parent which is often sadly lacking but this wasn't the time or the place to kick off.

Iv blocked her on everything and I won't be apologising if she wants to apologise to me I will listen

If you've blocked her on everything, how can she apologise if she wanted to?

It sounds horrible and I wish you nothing but luck! Medication can be effective! But combined with the best diet/exercise/,supplements/essential oils/relaxation techniques and support networks you'll be more in control! Fish oils for example are great for mental health disorders. You should try eveeeeeerything. I know somebody with a panic disorder who went down the breathing techniques and aromatherapy routine and it worked for them when Medication didn't.

I suspect hell will freeze over first. She probably doesn't want anyone with such poorly regulated behaviour anywhere near her children.

She knows where I live

She'll think you're absolutely insane she won't be knocking 😂😂

I can see your point, OP.... but you were a guest in your friend's house. It is not up to guests to discipline the host's children. And I bet anything that your friend let her possibly ND DD get away with changing the channel because you were there and she wanted a calm environment for her DD and yourself. If her DD had kicked off and had a meltdown, I bet you would be still posting on here but about that instead.
It could be different when you are not there, but like a few PP have said, with ND children you have to play the long game. There are probably times that your friend is a little more strict.

I used to meet a friend in a cafe, and she would let her small boy go up to other tables and basically be a pain in the arse. I had to bite my tongue, as she was my friend... but inside I was judging her parenting.

BTW, I have a BPD diagnosis too. Some of the comments about people with BPD on this thread are shocking and really are tarring us all with the same brush.

🤣🤣 probably not

I'm really surprised at 58% of you thinking she was being unreasonable. The 5yr old must be obeyed?

Nobody thinks that. They just think losing your shit in front of four kids probably isn't the best way of handling the situation.

so you threatened someone, in front of children, because they changed the tv channel and you didn’t like it? And you want people to agree that YANBU? Seems entirely reasonable, crack on…

If you didn’t like it, all you had to do was calmly leave fgs. Not the disgusting display you put on.

I think OP's overreaction skewed the votes. People are probably voting on that more than the kid or her mum.

The comments about people with bpd on this thread are mainly from people who work in mh or the nhs I'm pretty use to this sort of crap from medical professionals. I just let it go in one ear and out the other