To be annoyed with DP over cancelled holiday

[libertybonds]

This has been a horrible year.

We can't have a normal summer holiday for various reasons, but DP and I agreed to take a special long weekend abroad in September. I got it all booked up a few days ago after a lengthy discussion over several weeks.

Today he told me that he forgot he had an immovable work commitment on the Thursday so we have to cancel??? He wants to rebook in the UK due to the shorter travel times.

He says he is sorry and disappointed, but he has form for calendar incompetence.

I'm extremely angry.

YABU: Give him a break and suck it up, travel in the UK

YANBU: What a knob

There’s no such thing as an important team building exercise.

And you really want him as your other parent to your child/ren?

If you do go either alone or with a friend or the best option someone suggested, going and have him join you after his work commitment, it might focus his brain on paying attention to all his commitments.

If he misses out on the trip he will know that you aren’t going to continue to allow his incompetence spoil things for you. If he as to organise himself to follow on he might appreciate the work that goes into organising trips.

The thing is he isn’t really incompetent with scheduling or he’d be messing up work commitments too. He just can’t be arsed to be as competent when it comes to you.

I’d be a lot more pissed off about that. If that’s going to continue would he at least give you access to his work calendar so you can check it for him before you make any plans. But when does that become you being his secretary/ mummy?

Aww, his got his 2 mummies to arrange everything because he's a very, very important little man and can't do it himself.

Calendar incompetence😂

As in he can't read/understand them?

So did he misread or not check?

He seriously needs to step up and get better with 'practical matters'and organisation. It can be learnt.

I have 2 DSes with ADHD and dyspraxia. Both have huge problems with executive function. But I am not accepting that. I am teaching them (they are 10 and 12). I refuse to send 2 young men into the world who can't organise themselves. Its not easy for them, I accept that. They need tools so I am teaching them.

There are many posts on here from women who are disorganized ASKING FOR HELP. What has your DP done to improve himself?

Right...to you.

What if it's really important to your boss who has the ability to promote you or not, boost your career or not?

He's really hopeless with practical matters and I kind of have to organise everything/remind him of stuff.

This will infuriate you if you have a baby.

If you DO have a child with him you know it will just get worse don't you?
If he is able not to fuck up at work he is able not to fuck up at home

Ignore the people calling your DH a kno . I did this once and we rebooked. I had just forgot about an important thing I had coming up. Obviously if I had posted on Mumsnet, everyone would be telling my DH to leave me over a mistake. Actually, I doubt they would’ve…

I find that so depressing..............

The key difference is you did it ONCE. OPs DP is apparently often useful with practical things and organisation. She frequently has to remind him. This is exhausting and unfair between 2 adults.

The overreaction is depressing. People make mistakes.

I mean, I lose stuff all the time.

All the time.

Keys. Bank card. Once went out and left the front door wide open (ok, not once). I'm a nightmare.

My DH is occasionally driven to despair but it's really not a LTB, oh my god we can't have kids together type situation.

And yes I'm much more organised at work. I don't know why that's true, but it is.

<awaits hundreds of women saying my husband should leave me and not reward my incompetence by keeping my passport in a safe>

I think many people are piling on because it's a man. If the sexes were reversed, this would be a very different thread.

Yes so much @Hateam

I mean men as a sex are shit in lots of ways. As individuals they're allowed to make genuine mistakes.

Exactly. Once or twice is a mistake. Beyond that it's a choice for most people.

OK. Fair enough.

Sorry @ionlyneedthesilence but @betterangels says you're doing it deliberately.

Your poor husband.

Yeah I'm a shit

Likely not. I guess I don't understand how people can cope with these things at work but not at home where presumably others are also inconvenienced, like in the workplace.

It would annoy me. But oh well.

He really is a kind, sincere, and well-meaning person. He's in an extremely intellectual career and is reasonably successful because he is intelligent and thoughtful.

Tbh, though, I think that his lack of organisation has probably held him back: this is a personality thing, not a dickish misogyny thing.

I'm factoring this type of thing in as I consider the baby question, but he's not a bad person and he doesn't take advantage of me.

My DP is like this, genuinely useless with a calendar (and does mess up his own stuff and work stuff as well as family stuff). The problem is that I do end up having to work around it otherwise me and the kids are the ones negatively impacted and then it gets worse because I guess he does know I will sort it out. I don't have a solution but yes I would go on a holiday without him if he had messed up despite me double checking dates with him and I am trying to do much less solving of the problem for him. Good luck

So you’re calling us all sexist based on nothing but your imagination? Lovely.

Ummm, it's called offering a different point of view.

If MN was just a roll call of everyone who agreed with the first response to the OP it'd be pretty fucking dull.

In fairness my son got a job in a different department by chatting to the big boss at a work bbq so I can see why social events could be important for networking but still, if he’s otherwise competent and valued in his role he’ll be fine without going kayaking with the accounts team.