To be annoyed with DP over cancelled holiday

[libertybonds]

This has been a horrible year.

We can't have a normal summer holiday for various reasons, but DP and I agreed to take a special long weekend abroad in September. I got it all booked up a few days ago after a lengthy discussion over several weeks.

Today he told me that he forgot he had an immovable work commitment on the Thursday so we have to cancel??? He wants to rebook in the UK due to the shorter travel times.

He says he is sorry and disappointed, but he has form for calendar incompetence.

I'm extremely angry.

YABU: Give him a break and suck it up, travel in the UK

YANBU: What a knob

Yet he's utterly incompetent when it comes to spending time with you?

Would you expect them to carry on indulging you if you repeatedly (and selectively) made such mistakes?

Just to point out that he will almost certainly continue with his diary incompetence for the rest of your lives together, especially as you already do the bulk of the planning. Consider this before you have a baby with him. Imagine if this was a family holiday that he'd fucked up.

I know.

Is he an adult or 6 years old? This is what psychologists call "learned helplessness."

He's relying on you to sort things out. Hand it ALL over to him:
cancellations
re-booking

And he takes the financial hit from his personal money.

The bottom line is that he didn’t care enough about going away with you to bother checking his calendar. You can tie yourself in knots making excuses for him, saying how great he is, how considerate, how much he loves you and your child, but that is what it comes down to. It didn’t matter enough for him to bother checking, and now he wants it to be your problem.

Obviously you’d be insane to have a child with him. He is showing you who he is; believe him.

He's really hopeless with practical matters and I kind of have to organise everything/remind him of stuff.

No, no, no, ! @libertybonds He's an adult. Let him fail - he'll learn quickly enough, if it's important enough.

And as others have said, don't marry him (sexually transmitted debt & money mismanagement) and certainly don't have DC with him.

Wait till you see him change - contrary to popular opinion, it is possible to change & learn better life habits.

lol "important team building exercise" is such a contradiction in terms.

no team building exercise has ever been important in the history of humanity.

Go without him.

This will ensure he's not calendar incompetent again!

But if you messed up it wouldn't be your husband dropping you! He'd just be going as planned!

He has two. A diary manager and a PA. Unfortunately the PA also has access to his diary and puts stuff in without checking with the diary manager or even looking at what’s already booked. It’s a bit of a tug of war between them 🙄

One of the most recent examples…a two day conference in Europe in the middle of a week we had planned to be in another part of Europe. Then the rescheduled week is being cut short to accommodate a speaking engagement they forgot to actually put in the diary.

So I feel your pain.

With a DC to consider it seems unwise to date - and consider having a DC with - a man who won’t organise stuff and does things like this that impact negatively on you.

How much would it cost you to cancel entirely? It not a lot I’d do that. Or again if costs not too much see if you have a friend with time / money / desire to join you If costs of cancelling or changing names are high I’d go alone and he can pay his half.

If he is unwilling to organise a flight to join you on Friday that’s poor IMO. I wouldn’t switch to a UK break.

That's a terrible principle to bring into a marriage.

@Hateam if the op constantly fits in with him and loses out on opportunities is that a good thing? Why should she be told to cancel and rearrange it to suit him?

I'm not saying to do it from a place of resentment or hostility. More to continue to enjoy her life and if he wants to be a part of that he needs to step up.

There are two types of men I would avoid like the plague and try to educate my daughter to avoid. (Obviously not the violent, abusive, truly appalling men)

They are the apparantly nice, kind men who (a) need "fixing" in some way.This is not a partner's job-get yourself fixed then try dating again- or (b) who have reached adulthood while remaining incompetent about basic stuff. It means they have had the slack picked up for them by others-and will always expect that to happen for them.

I say again, that's a terrible principle to bring into a marriage.

Unless you want to spend the rest of you life managing this man's diary then it's time to have a massive rethink.

And FGS don't have a child with him.

Who does this for him at work?

Did he lie and say he’d checked his calendar when he hadn’t, or did you just not discuss it?

No, you shouldn’t have to remind him. But I can’t imagine booking a holiday without everyone involved confirming they’ve checked the dates are ok.

go without him
do that every time he displays calendar incompetence

don't have a child with him

as terrible as "oops, i have calendar incompetence so the person i marry will have to do all the admin and occasionally have their holidays fucked up because of ditzy ol' me!"?

Does he genuinely have "calendar incompetence" or could he just not be arsed to check?

Just realise that if you do have a child with this man it absolutely will be you doing all of the grunt work. He will love the child no doubt but it will be you doing all the work and eventually you will resent him because of it.

If building a team is more important than building a relationship with you then you have your long term answer, don't you?

I would be LIVID about this. A rare and much looked forward to holiday being scuppered by an overlooked team building exercise? Really?? That's messed up!