To be annoyed with DP over cancelled holiday

[libertybonds]

This has been a horrible year.

We can't have a normal summer holiday for various reasons, but DP and I agreed to take a special long weekend abroad in September. I got it all booked up a few days ago after a lengthy discussion over several weeks.

Today he told me that he forgot he had an immovable work commitment on the Thursday so we have to cancel??? He wants to rebook in the UK due to the shorter travel times.

He says he is sorry and disappointed, but he has form for calendar incompetence.

I'm extremely angry.

YABU: Give him a break and suck it up, travel in the UK

YANBU: What a knob

This. I wouldn’t normally recommend ‘punishing’ your partner in a relationship, or behaving childishly. But this really should be a natural consequence for him. The op goes on holiday when and how they were supposed to, he can sort himself out given it’s his silly and unnecessary mistake that fucked it up. And I wouldn’t be helping him with planning and booking extra flights

"He says he is sorry and disappointed, but he has form for calendar incompetence."

Regardless of how sorry he is and how disappointed he is - there has to be consequences for his actions/inactions. He has to feel those consequences, not you.

So I would second you going ahead on the planned holiday and he can follow on. Yes, he misses some of his holiday. Tough - consequences for his "calendar incompetence". There is no hope of him ever improving if he does not get to experience the consequences of fucking up. And this absolutely WAS a fuck-up on his part.

If I made a genuine mistake the last thing I'd expect my husband to do is drop me and go with someone else!

Can't you change dates together?

@libertybonds I suspect the work commitment has just appeared today! why else would he suddenly have remembered it? Sorry but I would consider getting rid of him if he is putting everything else before you, and that is before you have family! what the hell will he be like if you have family and he wants to escape for a day or two?

Maybe, but this was the perfect time to go

My DH has a busy schedule so I always ask his diary manager to double check the dates he’s given me before booking. Then I put it in his diary and call the diary manager to re-confirm and have her accept the invite while I’m on the phone. Then we book.

It’s not infallible but it helps.

He is a very caring partner and very present for me and my child (which is not his child). He genuinely messed up.

I'm amazed your husband has any admin assistance in this day and age. In my organisation, only super high level people have this.

Unfortunately I have to rely on DP to organise his schedule.

It's a genuine mistake, the replies on here about rewarding incompetence and stuff are just shitty. You're partners right? Shit happens, work around it.

Dies he do "calendar incompetence" (i.e. the kind of double booking where he scheduled two important meetings or events forvthe same time slot) at work? Or is it just domestic dates that he is blind to?

Does he have a PA at work, as well as at home?

This would be annoying but forgivable in my family. No one's perfect. Treat him as you want to be treated when you mess up.

even if it is a genuine mistake why should someone else miss out? A workaround is OP going on her own. I would absolutely send my partner off on holiday alone or with a friend if I fucked up last minute, or I’d cancel the work commitment. Last year I booked my partner a once in a lifetime holiday for both of us, but when we got to the airport his passport was nearly out of date and he wasn’t allowed to board. I went without him, he encouraged it!

But she doesn't need to miss out. It can be rescheduled.

A lot of women on here talking about this man like he's a naughty puppy or something. It's unpleasant to read.

I don't think this issue typically impacts him at work due to the nature of his job

Could you just move it one day?

Yes, he initially suggested this and I shot it down. But then I reconsidered but he doesn't want to go for such a short time.

@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness

But we can't push the whole thing back a day. Would have to be shorter

I’d go abroad without him and go away in the uk with him.

So many threads about pathetic, incompetent men making their partners lives chaos.

OP definitely go on your own and he can follow. He needs some reprisal for his thoughtlessness and you do not deserve to put more work into this.

Stop making excuses for the useless twat. Maybe a nice £9.99 wall calendar. He’s not prioritising you or your child is he

I bet he's very competent at planning his time at work tho

Absolutely

This.

I'm no male apologist, but I sincerely doubt it.

Presuming he is lovely and caring, as you say then there are some of us who are proportionately shit at calendar and organisation stuff. I am a professional who is regarded as highly competent but everyone would also recognise that I am also the person who loses the laptops, gets locked out of my own building, turns up a week/hour early or late… I try really hard but I still mess up- for me, my nearest and dearest and just generally. I double booked my own birthday this year - without recognising that it was my own birthday. So I would cut him some slack. I adore my husband’s refusal to find me as irritating as I do.