Does your Dh play with your dc after work & at weekends?

[Goinglocodowninacapulco]

Just curious to see how it is for others…

Dh arrives home 5.30/6 pm, often heads to the toilet for ages or sits down on his phone. Dd often asks him to play with him, he’ll usually say he just got back from work or he’s sitting down at the moment. It’s been very hot at the moment and Dd is usually in the pool at the end of the day (kids pool, but v large and deep, can fit adults in) she always excitedly asks him if he wants to come in with her and his response ‘Not today, I’m sorry, another day’ and proceeds to either go inside with his phone or has to sit outside watching her if I decide to go upstairs, almost forcing him to. I just feel so sad for her, he’ll sometimes play at the weekend after a fair amount of asking, he’ll never be the one to ask her if she wants to play or to independently take her out somewhere, if I try to say something to him, he puts it on me and says I could go in the pool…I’m with Dd all day and always doing fun activities with her and I enjoy it

*To play with her, not him

Do you work?

What kind of job does he have?
Does he have a difficult commute?

If all you do is play with DD all day whilst he works you both may have a different perspective on what enjoyment is

Book a day at the weekend he can take her out.

@tearsandtiaras I work but in the evenings and Saturday morning. Dd is normally at school, so is off for the holidays with me

He’s a bit shit really..

@tearsandtiaras 15 minute drive home

Physical job, yes it’s true, but it’s the same every day and at weekends

So if he has her in the evening whilst you work maybe he wants a bit of down time before he takes over?

@tearsandtiaras Its only two evenings and currently none as it’s teaching and the children are having a break

Dh is in a very stressful job, when he gets home he really is the best. Every evening he makes sure he gives each child at least 30min of undivided attention.
It's really sad how your dh brushes her off and that's not acceptable.

Honestly when I get home from ten hours working and commuting, I want to sit down for a breather before I pretend to be a dalek or whatever. I definitely don't want to go in a paddling pool either.

Surely he can take a breather, play with her and then relax after again?

I am so glad Dh never felt this way, che ame home, got changed, spent time with the children which is why he has an incredible close relationship with them now as adults. Phones can be looked at later, nothing is that urgent it needs to be looked at, I bet he is just doom scrolling.

I remember being on all fours at the bottom of the stairs waiting for a child to cling to me like a monkey to be taken upstairs and I remember thinking one day they won't ask to do this anymore, their childhood is short, spend time with them because they will remember all the times you said no. Dh's Dad never played with him, came home and read the paper, and so Dh was absolutely determined he would never say no to his children.

Okay, if I was having her for the evening shift after a full day of work I would be even more keen to take a break in between.

Yes quite- also she is school age so old enough to understand.

A dedicated few hours at the weekend could make up for 30 mins a day.

Perhaps he could read her a bed time story?

If my partner was off all summer as a teacher i would expect them to pick up the child care slack.

I work full time, its shit atm working/
Commuting in the heat, extra tiring

My husband does play with the kids of an evening/weekend. He'll kick a ball around in the garden with them or "be the monster" whilst they run around like loonies etc

I'm eternally greatful to him because I honestly couldn't think.of anything worse than playing games with the kids after work. I usually do the cooking, sort tomorrow's clothes then help with homework/ stories etc

@WorkCleanRepeat Do they ask him or does he initiate it? How long for normally?

This.
🙄

I've been on annual leave today and my husband at work. He got home about an hour ago and I have just had a bath and am chilling upstairs and I can hear the three of them playing football in the garden.

He had a bit of a sit when he got home but the children were eating their tea.

I'd be asking him why when he doesn't get to see her all day he doesn't want to spend time with her daughter. And point out the number of weeks til she's an adult.

My DH has a very stressful job and yes, he plays with them when he’s not at work. Because he loves them and wants to spend time with them. I think he’d think there was no point having children if he didn’t play with them and spend quality time with them.

Mine does. They're crashing round in the living room as I speak. He probably would rather sit down first but they'll be in bed in half an hour and he'll sit down then. For all his faults he wouldn't disappoint them like that, your poor DD.

Honestly I think parents like this that can’t be bothered are just a bit shit. It’s just sad. You might be tired, you might not be in the mood but you just have to lump it don’t you? Because your child is excited to see you and play with you and tell you about whatever nonsense it is. You ‘want a break’ - tough tits. You’re a parent. But that’s just my 2p as personally I wouldn’t put up with some shit about being too tired. Would turn me right off.

I find it so hard to go from working and commuting to childcare. I need a bit of time to myself first (I don't usually get it but really struggle to engage with my daughter in a positive way without it).

I also work full time in a stressful job and play with my kids when I get home, by the way. Because they haven’t seen me all day, and there isn’t a huge amount of time between getting home and bed time.

I married a man who wanted to be an engaged father so yes, he plays with the children when he is home from work. If he’s not playing with them and they are awake then he will be doing a chore of some sort.