Does your Dh play with your dc after work & at weekends?

[Goinglocodowninacapulco]

Just curious to see how it is for others…

Dh arrives home 5.30/6 pm, often heads to the toilet for ages or sits down on his phone. Dd often asks him to play with him, he’ll usually say he just got back from work or he’s sitting down at the moment. It’s been very hot at the moment and Dd is usually in the pool at the end of the day (kids pool, but v large and deep, can fit adults in) she always excitedly asks him if he wants to come in with her and his response ‘Not today, I’m sorry, another day’ and proceeds to either go inside with his phone or has to sit outside watching her if I decide to go upstairs, almost forcing him to. I just feel so sad for her, he’ll sometimes play at the weekend after a fair amount of asking, he’ll never be the one to ask her if she wants to play or to independently take her out somewhere, if I try to say something to him, he puts it on me and says I could go in the pool…I’m with Dd all day and always doing fun activities with her and I enjoy it

Ugh. How absolutely shit. My dh comes home from a physically gruelling day and never says to the kids he's too tired or he needs to check his phone. He gets up, and I can see he's knackered, and kicks a football or plays bat and ball as it's his children. He's a fantastic father and they know it. Shame on the dad that says he's too tired.

I find this sad tbh. I have loads of memories of playing with my parents. I enjoy playing with my kids too and so do they.

I can only hope you don’t have children because this is so sad. The thought of children in a family where the parents don’t think they should ever engage in any play with them is utterly depressing.

Is survival the goal? I’m sorry no one played with you as a kid. I love playing with my children. They are kids, it’s how I bond with them and teach them things. It’s how I make them feel loved and attended to.

What terms? Me (working parent) and my partner (currently SAHD) both ‘serve our households’ we literally don’t have time for anything else 😂

At least it’s not just my house with the huge evening to do list! If one of us is running around playing with the kids while the other sits on their arse when dinner needs doing, kids room needs set up, wash needs hung up, bath needs sorting etc then they are taking the other one for a ride really!

First thing DH does when he gets in or finishes work is greet DS and give him some attention. He also looks after DS Saturday mornings so I can go to parkrun with a friend. I do more of the childcare than him but he has an extra day of work and tends to do gardening or DIY while I'm looking after DS some of the time.

Exactly - I personally don’t quibble about who’s doing what, I know for a fact we are both ‘serving our household’ (that’s a good term, I think I’ll use it from now on as it captures the situation nicely). Neither of us is ‘on our phone’ or hiding in the toilet 🙄

Dh is a pilot. Yesterday he flew four sectors - Amsterdam and Paris. When he got home he had a shower and then sat outside to watch the kids whilst I finished dinner.

We did buy the world’s most comfortable garden furniture to avoid the temptation of crashing out on the sofa. I wouldn’t expect him to get in a paddling pool after a long day.

Play this to your DH

DH comes in, he commutes an hour either way and it's a pretty stressful and sometimes quite physical job, DD runs and him and he plays for 5 minutes then goes to get changed. He has 10 mins to himself (sometimes he'll take the dog out for a wee for some fresh air) and then he's with her all evening.

Weekends he is basically her climbing frame.

He loves how much she wants to play with him and he just wants to make her happy.

My husband barely gets in the door before my 4 year old jumps on him to tell him all about his day. The 18 month old stands with his arms in the air. DH basically gets his shoes off and goes straight into talking/ playing with his sons whilst I cook. We then all eat together. DH does bath while I clean up after dinner, both of us get the boys ready for bed. I get eldest to bed whilst DH plays with youngest. Then I do youngest bed and DH tidies the living room after the mess we make during the day 😅. Then we sit together for a bit before bed. Our evenings are 50/50 I'd say. But with DH playing with the kids more as he's not seen them all day.
Weekends are mostly spent together. Family days out or tag teaming to give each other rests if need be.

I am sorry OP, it sounds hard. I would be very upset if my DH brushed our DC off (I would be fuming).

DH interacts right away when he hasn’t seen DC all day. He is like a toddler himself when he gets down on the floor with DC and is silly and fun. We always do the bedtime routine together.

They do often ask him. If he's not long in from work he will ask them for half an hour whilst he has a rest or a coffee.

I'd say he probably spends about an hour on a weeknight out in the garden doing something that the kids chose and then either boardgames or stories after bath time.

Weekends we tend to do more family activities but if we're at home he'll often head to the park with them or the forest to climb trees etc

I wish we lived near enough to a forest to climb trees, that sounds awesome, like some wholesome Enid Blyton style existence.

We make do with our apple tree in the garden for climbing.

We actually live on a main road full of traffic and sirens day and night 🤣

but we are lucky enough to have lots of countryside and nature reserves quite close by.

Yup, he comes in and she follows him to the bedroom and chats to him while he gets changed and I get dinner on the table. He helped clear up and then they play/ hang out together until bath/bed time which we share (he does story time) but he always sits with her until she falls asleep because I don’t have the patience.

I’m sure there are days when he would love to just lock himself in the bathroom but he just gets on with it and tbh he really does love spending time with her even though he’s relieved when she’s fallen asleep.

Also happy to take her out, recently suggested they may need a bit more one on one time as she’s had a really busy patch at work.

I would say I’m the exact opposite and have been known to sneak off to do my own thing when no-ones looking but if Dd asks me to play I always say yes unless I really have to do something else.

What kind of things did they play with you?
None of my friends talk of their parents playing with them either.
They looked after us - playing was for children.

Is it part of being a parent if you take a large view? Historically and across the world rather than just in the west at this moment in time? I don't think it's universal.

Because they're adults and adults do adult things.

That's really sad. Yes he does play with our DD. Every night.

An ‘adult’ thing for me is playing with the children I chose to birth. I do this because they enjoy it, and because I enjoy it. Do you have children? Did you never do rough and tumble type play with a toddler? Play board games with an older child? Get involved in a role play type game? Does only doing ‘adult’ things mean you wouldn’t sit and draw with a child, do crafts with them?
My children are always seeking me out to play with them, did yours just not bother because they knew you wouldn’t do it? Or did they ask you to play and you said no?
All the things I mention above are the things that make having children fun, for me. Otherwise you’re just tending to their basic needs, aren’t you? Chores, basically.

I think the phone is the problem. He’s addicted.
Lots of people do this now. They’re missing life.

DH plays with them more than I do on weekends but after school usually no. He is a teacher though so has probably had enough by the end of the day! When he was a house painter he played with them more daily.

I’d tell your husband that your daughter has told you she is sad he doesn’t play with her much . ( yes she hasn’t said it- but he’s not going to ask her) guilt trip him into doing it. If he still doesn’t play, then he’s a massive cock!