Does your Dh play with your dc after work & at weekends?

[Goinglocodowninacapulco]

Just curious to see how it is for others…

Dh arrives home 5.30/6 pm, often heads to the toilet for ages or sits down on his phone. Dd often asks him to play with him, he’ll usually say he just got back from work or he’s sitting down at the moment. It’s been very hot at the moment and Dd is usually in the pool at the end of the day (kids pool, but v large and deep, can fit adults in) she always excitedly asks him if he wants to come in with her and his response ‘Not today, I’m sorry, another day’ and proceeds to either go inside with his phone or has to sit outside watching her if I decide to go upstairs, almost forcing him to. I just feel so sad for her, he’ll sometimes play at the weekend after a fair amount of asking, he’ll never be the one to ask her if she wants to play or to independently take her out somewhere, if I try to say something to him, he puts it on me and says I could go in the pool…I’m with Dd all day and always doing fun activities with her and I enjoy it

As well as playing with your parents building trust - nowadays the need for parental entertainment is higher because kids are less likely to have other children to play with.

Previous generations were far more likely to have siblings and to play out with other children for large parts of the day. That was how most children occupied themselves. Not sitting on their own in a house with adults who wouldn’t interact.

Gosh, all kinds of things!

DM - card games, board games, helped me do craft activities like painting, card making, play dough, craft sets, sat and did drawing with me, role play games like cafes and hairdressers, pushed me on the swings or went on one next to me, rounders, badminton, told me made up stories...and thats just some that I can actually remember off the top of my head so I'm sure there's loads more.

DF - rough and tumble play, football, pushed me on the swings, badminton, told me made up stories, board games, games on games consoles, word games/puzzles, and again I'm sure there's plenty more.

I have less memories of playing with my DF than my DM, which makes sense as he worked FT throughout my childhood including some travel away. Whereas my DM either worked/studied PT or was a SAHM for various points. But I definitely have plenty of lovely memories of playing with them both.

I think playing with children is part of 'looking after' them. Play is how children learn and it also builds and strengthens relationships.

Pushing a child on the swings isn't playing. I also wouldn't include card and board games, which adults also do.

DH comes home and will play with his son immediately. Although DS's bedtime is about 8pm at the moment so by the time he gets home its only about 2 hours. And we have to eat dinner during that time. He tells me to take a rest, its daddy's turn. I hope this continues.

I had a dad who i always wanted to play with but he never really played with me or if he did he just sat there and watched me play. Its frustrating and eventually you stop asking. Maybe your husband can suggest a less physical activity like "daddys tired from work so i don't want to go in the pool but we can read a book if you want"

They’re still playing! You play card games, and you play board games. Adults and children.
What about all the rest of it?

We both work f/t and finish at the same time.
Both of us try to spend some time each evening with the kids, before and after dinner.
but there are also days when we struggle and just need downtime so we ask the kids to entertain themselves or each other.

If he's a bricklayer or something very physical it makes a big difference maybe he's knackered!

@tearsandtiaras But then OP's job obviously means she can then be around and do more for their child etc.
I wouldn't call it off and slacking at home. It's free childcare then isn't it. As the Dp would have more to worry about if they had to drop and collect child from holiday clubs and pay for it, if they were both out working full time.

My hubby has always been children orientated, playing, chasing, hide & seek, colouring.
I'm the boring one. Tho I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing etc

Many mums work full time in stressful tiring jobs and I'll bet you very few opt out of childcare duties when they get home. Even if you don't want to, it's a basic of being a bloody parent.

@Babbahabba 👏

How does it affect your incredibly strict outlook on life when adults play football, or play tennis?

I work and DH is SAHD- my job is v stressful and spills into home life ( on call, long hours, deadlines etc )

I adore Dd6 and love being with her but honestly sometimes i just can't 'play'. I can do an activity, read a story, watch a film , colour in etc but i simply don't have the resources for 'play' in an un-structured way that requires creativity

Maybe get him to buy some activity packs/ arts and craft stuff / colouring to take the pressure off?

My DH worked long hours - out the door 7am and not back til after 8. But on weekends he always took the kids off for the morning for a swim at the gym. And later always read to them. We tried to do a family outing for one part of the weekend too, which was child friendly obviously. He dyed when they were small, but they remember these times.
Ask him if he's ever heard of the Harry Chapin song The Cat's in the Cradle.

Excuse autocorrect: died

Perhaps arrange with your dh that an hour after he gets home, he has dd.
If he's just walked inthe door and expected to become Mr Tumble its not surprising he is struggling.
Teach your dd to say hello and have a cuddle, tell him about her day- 15 mins- then he has a bit of downtime.

Have you chatted to your dh and see what works for you both? And dd?