Does your Dh play with your dc after work & at weekends?

[Goinglocodowninacapulco]

Just curious to see how it is for others…

Dh arrives home 5.30/6 pm, often heads to the toilet for ages or sits down on his phone. Dd often asks him to play with him, he’ll usually say he just got back from work or he’s sitting down at the moment. It’s been very hot at the moment and Dd is usually in the pool at the end of the day (kids pool, but v large and deep, can fit adults in) she always excitedly asks him if he wants to come in with her and his response ‘Not today, I’m sorry, another day’ and proceeds to either go inside with his phone or has to sit outside watching her if I decide to go upstairs, almost forcing him to. I just feel so sad for her, he’ll sometimes play at the weekend after a fair amount of asking, he’ll never be the one to ask her if she wants to play or to independently take her out somewhere, if I try to say something to him, he puts it on me and says I could go in the pool…I’m with Dd all day and always doing fun activities with her and I enjoy it

Of course he does. He hasn’t seen them all day and wants to spend some time with them.

I work FT too and feel the same way. We have our relax time when they go to bed at 7.

Yes. DH is in his home office for 10.5 hrs a day and usually plays with DD when he emerges for dinner. They eat together (with me too) and he reads her books, chats to her, changes her nappy.. this might last 2 hrs. Then i brush her teeth and put her to bed. He might interact with her for 30 mins in the morning too whilst I'm getting things ready for the day, occasionally doing a nappy then.

At weekends he plays all the time except for a 2 hour break in the late afternoon when he eats and naps alone. I do all the food prep and play with her too, although less intensely because i am pregnant and tired and I don't have the 2 hr break.

i'm a SAHM if relevant.

Yes. Well, not when he gets back as he does 12 hour shifts but he comes up at bedtime to see them, listen to their day etc. On his days off he is all in, taking them out for the day, playing with them. He's actually spent more days with them than I have these holidays as I do 9-5 work. He is tired, I am tired but its part of having children!

We are fortunate that even though our eldest is 9 they are still ready for bed not long after 7 so we get a lot of evening time to relax.

If a man described his wife in these exact terms I would feel sorry for her and wonder if she had no wishes or needs beyond serving her household.

Course you need to engage with your kids after work. It's part of being a parent.

No he doesn't but he's fucking useless at anything except earning money. We could replace him with an ATM and it would take a while for any of us to notice.

But guess what... Turns out I can earn money too and I'm getting better and better at it. So soon he won't have any point at all.

I don't have DC but it was completely normal for my dad to play with me and spend time with me after work and at weekends.

He didn't really do imaginary play but we would go swimming or to somewhere like the local pick-your-own farm, or out on bikes or rollerblading, or just to the park. If we were at home he'd play board games or read to me etc.

He was a doctor and worked long days but I don't think it would ever occur to him to just "take a break" - he did that when I was in bed (and he was v. strict about bedtimes too )

You would feel sorry for someone who is involved in family life and is either cooking dinner, sorting the kid’s bath, cleaning from dinner or playing with their kids during the only 2 hours of the day they have with them?

Ot doesn't matter what job he does and how long his commute is, people asking this either don't have kids or they find neglect acceptable.

It would break my heart for my child if I saw them trying to play with their dad and he kept brushing them off, he's being a douche tbh. They come FIRST. His priorities are not right. Tell him it's not fair on DD and she's going to resent him for it one day.

That is very sad.

It’s not even about the two of you sharing jobs fairly, it’s about him having a relationship with his dd, which is always important.

I would feel sorry for someone who never allows themself one single moment of relaxation and is essentially a servant to others, yes. I think it is perfectly fine and healthy for a parent to say "I just got in the door and I will play with you in fifteen minutes after I have had a coffee" or "I will play two games of guess who, and then I am going for a run" etc.

Luckily I don't believe for a single moment that the husband in question is literally playing with the children or doing chores. Nobody does that.

The thing is, loads of people on this thread are saying ‘I need to chill out for 10 mins when I get home before playing with the kids’. Nothing the OP has said suggests that her husband is doing that, if that was the case I doubt there would be a problem. The OP seems to be saying that he barely plays with them at all.

Wanting to spend time with your children when you have a limited window does not make you a servant to them.

We choose to spend the relatively short window of time between work and bedtime with our children. Playing with them is enjoyable for us, I guess you see interacting with yours as a chore and that’s the difference.
There’s plenty of time for a run or do whatever either of us wants after they go
to bed.

People who profess to love their children more than others do are always so bitchy.

Did I say that?

People who claim parents who immediately spend time with their children are “slaves” because they don’t fuck off and have a coffee on their own first because they couldn’t imagine anything worse than spending time with their own children after being out at work are pretty bloody bitchy considering you’re the one pulling up comments that aren’t your own ✌️

When ours were little, he would come home, take them off me and be fully involved with bathtime, story time and any games they wanted to play. Their favourite was ‘wrestling in the dark’. Now they’re older it’s dinner time as a family and he reads them a story every night. Weekends are a combination of them helping him with jobs like cutting the grass, family time and other things like football in the garden. Often him and our younger boy will disappear to make something or play a board game, or I’ll find him eating his lunch watching YouTube with them both to spend a bit of time together. We split taking them to hobbies too so we’re both as involved as each other.

I don't remember any adult playing with me when I was a child and I survived. Kids need attention, yes, but why should adults play with children?

Because that's part of being a parent?

Talk about low standards

I agree with you @Izzymoon in the main tbh. Me and my DH can exercise, we can sit with a cup of tea and a bar of chocolate and watch Netflix and whatever else. We also do both have our own social lives. We just do most of that stuff when the kids are sleeping. That's our choice, we certainly don't feel that we are slaves...!

That’s heartbreaking ☹️ I’m the working parent in our house and I do everything I can with our kids in the evening (and obviously weekends)

My partner finishes at 5pm on weekdays and 6pm on a weekend. He usually comes in, has half an hour or so down time (once he's greeted the kids) and will then play with them until he helps me get them to bed.

I refer you to my earlier comment.

Yes but he gets home a bit late really DD is only 3

DP gets home 6pm and we all have dinner together, I get DD ready for bed while DP cleans up after dinner. DP reads to DD until she goes to sleep. Then he sits on the toilet for half an hour!

Days off he does play with her yeah. He did a treasure hunt for her the other day.

Why shouldn’t they?

Yes. He comes home and plays with our son. 45 min drive home. However when it isn't the summer hols DS is usually in bed before dad gets home so it's swings and roundabouts.