To ask parents of toddlers (or who have had toddlers!)

[settlethisforme]

Is it absolutely imperative that you are at home, for several hours, over the middle of the day, for their naptime? I have the toddler stage yet to come and I just presumed - maybe naively - that it would be possible to continue on with naps in the pram if we happen to be out at that time, and if we’re at home, great. I think I would find it stressful and limiting to clockwatch though.

A relative with a 20 month old insists they can’t make plans between 11-2 anyday, that’s inclusive of family meals and events. Recently it would have worked better for everyone else so I asked if there was any way they could make it at that time and they immediately became very defensive and said I will know what it’s like very soon.

AIBU to think it doesn’t have to be so prescriptive? They don’t seem very happy with the arrangement and complain they never have enough time to do anything. As it happens this relative is a SAHM anyway and I will be at work by then so I presume in a childcare setting anything goes, some days they might sleep more and some less at that age.

Mine napped where and when they needed to. I like to think this is because of my free wheeling, laid back hippy parenting style. But I suspect it might have been because of the children I got dealt and the fact that I was happy to feed them to sleep for years.

Mine and my GC and children I've minded have been flexible. I don't know if not just going place to place in a car and relying on public transport, from birth, makes a difference. If you had the typical age gap, two years, it would mean that your other child couldn't attend nursery. Or that you could do much at all. I'd often get back home with any children I had, if I wanted a sit down, some people value the time to do housework. Childcare works better if it is needs led and flexible.

This first response as all you need to know.
MyDD slept nowhere except on her cot or a moving vehicle. If she didn’t nap then the day was difficult.
Many kids don’t need this but I was very anal about her naps for the short 18 months that she needed them. By the time she was 2 and a half we could do what we wanted.
I rarely felt that it was a huge issue or spoiled my day.

Depends on the child. My DS will usually sleep in the pram while we’re out and about or in the car, but we have had times he’s due his nap and there is so much going on (such as if we’re out in town or in a restaurant) and he won’t go off and is getting overtired and hyper. In these cases we have had to excuse ourselves and go home, as if he won’t sleep it has a knock on effect on his bedtime sleep and he’ll be up all night - or have a danger nap at 5pm. We’ve also been round people’s houses before and put him down in their bedroom. We’ve found we have to be careful and plan long car journeys around his naps. He will zonk in the car after about 30 mins no matter what time of day it is, and if it’s a longer journey it can mean he over sleeps or sleeps at the wrong time of day, too early/late etc which really messes his routine. I’ve found this more challenging than getting him to nap out and about.

It honestly depends on your child. If you have one that won’t sleep anywhere but their bed or is woken by the slightest thing, then yeah I’d say you need to be at home for those couple of hours. I have friends whose children are like that. But also friends whose kids will sleep anywhere. The length of the nap does gradually get shorter too which helps. My 2.5 year old only naps for an 45 mins-1 hour a day now instead of 2, and we dropped down to that at around 20 months.

My DC is flexible and naps on the go in his pram/in the car but I think this is just luck.

I'll do pram naps for something like a day at the zoo but as he gets older find this is not as easy for a meal out. If the meal is right on nap time they're also then expected to sit and behave when overtired or just up and full of energy. As a baby I could just have put him in the pram and rocked him whilst eating lunch but it's not the same with a toddler.

I bring naps forward or do them in the car if we have a long enough drive but do factor in some time to play when we arrive. I've found going for meals out far less enjoyable between 15 months and 2 but DS is now just over 2 and is doing well sitting for an hour or so with distractions at the table and food.

We thought the same on a early morning dark outside 5 hour journey to Wales in the car. What 18 month old isn't going to fall asleep at some point right?
My one thats who. There and back.

Yes, one of my antenatal friends has a very easy baby for napping - will nap anywhere for a long time and sleeps through the night from the beginning (we all had to keep shtum and be supportive when she was knocked for six by a brief period of two short feeding wakes a night).

But she's the opposite of freewheeling hippy, she's very uptight in general, and was the last one to bring her baby out and about/won't go anywhere she thinks isn't clean or well-catered enough to her baby and whisks her away from get togethers at the least sign of discontentment.

So it infuriates me when people say "chilled mum, chilled baby"! The rest of us would kill to have a baby that compliant and restful.

Sometimes the older child has to be restricted. If it's a choice between staying home 12-2 or 4 hours of non stop screaming I choose the former. Not to say I never flexed but could only face it occasionally. First child totally different and could sleep anywhere

Depends on the child. I had one that would only sleep at home so days out or travel was a bloody nightmare, but then I had others that were more flexible. Undoubtably, if we could keep that routine nap in though, life was a lot better for everyone. They thrive on routine so I did try to stick to naptime as much as possible, mainly to give myself a break and chance to have a quiet lunch and a cuppa!

Mine is similar age and naps up to an hour a day usually around midday but if especially tired may nap mid-morning. The window of 11-2 is a sleep schedule I have seen online from various baby websites, but reality might be different to this, depends on the baby.

My children napped wherever and whenever up until our cut off time to make sure bedtime wasn't disturbed.

Neither of my children has ever had issues with sleep...and both had dropped the daytime nap before they were 2 years old (which was a different kind of exhausting!).

It does depend on the child, my first would sleep anywhere though we did try and make it boring so he would fall asleep quicker and my second was very much a cot napper. On a daily basis we tended to try and be on for naps but only when it worked and to be honest second child has to go with the flow a lot more as you can't pick up the eldest because the second one it sleeping!!! I find it challenging when people won't flex for a one off even if it's going to be an issue later sometimes you have to take the hit and not expect lots of others to be put out.

My first and third desperately needed their early afternoon nap well into their terrible twos.

It was a total PITA as we had to do the school run at 3pm, so for the third to get his two-hour nap we had to be home by about 12.45pm. I tried to fight it but it was easier just to go with it.

Turns out both of them have ADHD - no idea if that's related.

If I'd only ever had DD2, and not the others, I'd doubtless be with the parents saying 'Oh what's the big deal, just go with the flow? How hard can it be?'

I was adamant a toddlers nap time would not dictate my day but MY GOD i lived for them 2-3 hours. I just planned play dates around the nap. Of course sometimes being out and about couldn't be avoided but generally I would try and be at home over lunch time.

It's up to everyone how they work it. When my children were small I prioritised nap time as quite frankly I was shattered and it was the only break I got all day so I would much rather have had that in my own house than wandering about with a pram. Often I used it to nap too and catch up on sleep as one of my children was a VERY early riser. Best not to judge until you have been there yourself.

I used to do pram naps out and about when DD was a baby but I found it works less well once we were down to the single lunchtime nap as the nap needed to be at least 2 hr and she would often wake after 30-45 min in the pram and refuse to sleep again - cue grumpy whingy toddler for the rest of the day.

Lunches out are really awkward- there’s not enough time to nap before hand and if I try to postpone the nap until after lunch DD will be getting grumpy and tired and no one will enjoy lunch.

I’ve become much more of the home for nap time type but we did try the flexible approach on holiday recently - some days worked OK and others were just a disaster.

It’s definitely not imperative, use the pram if out and about. Generations of mums have been doing it including me, never been any harm.

I don't feel it has much to do with parenting style and has more to do with the temperament of the individual baby.
My son has always been a dreadful sleeper and I had to be quite militant about his nap routine when he was a baby. I didn't want to have to decline outings or lunches with family / friends, but I had to as my child would only sleep under very specific circumstances. If he didn't nap at the right time he wasn't just a huge grump, but then he wouldn't sleep at night either.
As it turns out, he's been diagnosed ASD and while he dropped his naps a very long time ago, we still have huge problems with sleep at nearly 5.

I do buggy naps my 2yo and she's barely had any cot naps. She likes the buggy to be kept moving though, she complains if I try to sit at a bench and won't be fooled by a Rockit or me pushing it back and forth! So I have a really good daily step count! She is my second and has always had to tag along when taking my eldest out to play or doing school runs, so we have never stayed at home much since the day she was born. She napped in a baby carrier for the first 9 months.

My first dc loved buggy naps too and would nap in the afternoons until she started school, so we kept the buggy at hand on trips out so she could have a nap. It meant she never had early bedtimes but we preferred it that way as it meant DH could spend a decent amount of time with her after work.

Never been the kind of person who has scheduled anything child wise except her bottle feeds as a baby. She can nap any time from 11-4 and her bedtime varies too. She won't nap at home so I usually take her out for a drive or she falls asleep in car/pushchair on way home from stuff.