To ask parents of toddlers (or who have had toddlers!)

[settlethisforme]

Is it absolutely imperative that you are at home, for several hours, over the middle of the day, for their naptime? I have the toddler stage yet to come and I just presumed - maybe naively - that it would be possible to continue on with naps in the pram if we happen to be out at that time, and if we’re at home, great. I think I would find it stressful and limiting to clockwatch though.

A relative with a 20 month old insists they can’t make plans between 11-2 anyday, that’s inclusive of family meals and events. Recently it would have worked better for everyone else so I asked if there was any way they could make it at that time and they immediately became very defensive and said I will know what it’s like very soon.

AIBU to think it doesn’t have to be so prescriptive? They don’t seem very happy with the arrangement and complain they never have enough time to do anything. As it happens this relative is a SAHM anyway and I will be at work by then so I presume in a childcare setting anything goes, some days they might sleep more and some less at that age.

Mine if they did have a couple of hours sleep during the day, they would be still running around at 9 or 10pm

Mine had all her naps in the pram, often beginning on our way home from whatever we'd been doing that morning. Later on, she would only go off when being pushed in the pram/pushchair, but that was easily managed. Much easier than only sleeping in her cot!
Kids are all different (at 6 months mine had a single 3 hour nap, which is not what the books say), although I think it does also depend on what you do - a lot of third/subsequent children seem to adapt fine to napping on the school run.

Another parent with one DC who napped brilliantly but only in his cot, and another DC who was far more flexible about where and for how long they napped. From ages 1-3 my cot only napping DC was a nightmare if he missed his nap, needing constant attention as grizzly and unhappy. Taking him to a family event would not have worked. My other DC loved family events and behaved beautifully at them in general.

For us it wasn’t with either child. They were flexible with nap times so didn’t have to sleep exactly at a certain hour. Also they slept in the pram or car so we never limited our activities based on naps.

We had to be very selective indeed about events that clashed with nap time. Family lunch or day out involving driving - could sometimes get away with it as child would nap in the car on the way to/from. We'd pay for it though especially with a late nap as they wouldn't settle at bedtime. So we might miss out on some events. Wouldn't expect every event to be arranged according to our schedule; but would very much appreciate it if people were accommodating when possible.

I’m like your relative OP, have been with all of my kids and I LOVE it. I love naptime, I love having to be home, whether I use the time to chill or get stuff done. I love the structure of going out in the morning, coming home for naptime, then having afternoon plans.

I also could never be arsed walking my kids around in the pushchair to get them to sleep - if we’re out, they power through and are awake. Too much light, noise, restlessness for them to sleep out and about and I’m not gonna force it (I for one don’t sleep well in the light/noise, maybe it’s genetic. Or just human). If your kid sleeps out and about then cool.

Im gonna miss naptime - youngest kid is 2 so it’s closing in! - and will probably still schedule in a ‘lunch break’ for everyone😄

Mine napped wherever. However, I got very defensive about not driving any distance at certain times of the day (danger nap) and about not going to food places unless I knew what acceptable foods were available. And, I would defend your relative's right to get protective about that bit of the day because toddlers are WORK and that woman needs all the support she can get. I have been 'irrational' about various things as the mother of small children and that's my (and any other mother's) perogative. I say that as someone who was very laidback about arrangements pre-kids, and as someone who is returning to that state as my kids grow. I will always give parents plenty of slack now.

Both of mine would only nap in dark room in cot from around 9 months .... except for verrrrry rare times they just flaked out for 15mins in pram (e.g., on holiday abroad). They were just too sensitive to things around them to drop off, and got FOMO (eventually ending in massively cranky toddler for a whole day, plus a sh*t bedtime/night). So we generally made plans that had lunch and nap at home - I didn't feel it was too disruptive to be honest. Both my boys made such a mess when eating that I was unlikely to be out dining in cafes and stuff for their lunch aged 1-18months anyway - far easier to do it at home where I had a proper high-chair and no worries about the mess!

Both stopped napping abruptly at 2 (literally day after their 2nd birthday with my first!) and just before 2. So its not like I lived years and years of my life chained to the house.

Both slept through the night from very early on, and I was happy to sacrifice lunches out of the house for a 7-7:30 night time sleep and no cranky baby!

It's partly a choice and partly the personality of your child.
I didn't want to be tied to the house in the middle of the day, so I don't take my child home for naps. We have always done carrier naps, pram naps, car naps, so she's used to it now and even if it occasionally ends up in a meltdown when we haven't been able to get her to sleep due to stimulation when out & about - it's personally worth it to us to have the flexibility in general.

As pp said, depends on the child. One of mine only slept in her cot and was a nightmare if she missed her nap (we still did it occasionally if we needed to be somewhere) the other fell asleep as soon as he was put in his car seat so we knew wherever we went he would catch 40 winks. So while I think some people can tie themselves to naps and routines when it's not always strictly necessary, others really need to adhere to them for their own sanity.

DS slept anywhere - cot, pram, cat, sling, buggy
DD slept nowhere - literally she didn't sleep for more than 2.5 hours at all until she was 3, and didn't nap for more than 30 mins ever. Massive FOMO.

Some toddlers do need this I think. I never was bound by a set time toddler nap, but was also back at work long before this age.

I think it’s fine but I don’t think whole large groups should have to work around it - you have to accept you’ll miss a few things if you’re tired to a nap schedule. Plus obviously there can be conflicting nap schedules in the group.

Some kids will only sleep in their beds. That doesn’t mean you have to accommodate that (you can skip naps etc) but a lot of parents won’t want to deal with the fallout of that. You won’t know how your child is or how you want to respond to it until you’re in that position so I wouldn’t worry about it. Even if you do end up feeling you have to be home for naps, it doesn’t last forever.

Each to their own in how they parent. If my children needed a doze they dozed. I'm not making it up. I'm not comparing myself to anyone. I'm simply saying how I couldn't have coped being trapped to times like this, it wasn't for me or my kids.

Some parents will be more flexible but it might mean they have a very cranky toddler who probably won't sleep at bedtime either. Depends on the importance and depends on the child

If you have one please send them my way!

Fortunately not any more, she's six now. I feel your pain though, terrible sleepers are torture.

That’s so great for you, some kids don’t respond well to “learn from the get go”, they just outright ignore it. Or you’re better than the rest of us!! round of applause

We generally do the opposite (have done with two kids) and go out for naps, they either sleep in the car on the way there/back or in the buggy at some point. Then bedtime moves about depending on when and how long they napped for. We are all pretty adaptable. Also its nice when you're at soft play and it gets very quiet over lunchtime as lots of other people have dashed home to do the nap!

Idiot. We can all have opinions, why is mine any less than yours?

Be careful saying positive things like this, someone might hand you a round of applause because apparently not being stuck to times means we are trying to say we are better than everyone else.

I think everyone has their own take on this, and it will likely depend on your own parenting style, temperament of the child and their sleeping needs etc. My first was a "good sleeper" and would nap in the car, pram or cot from young but if we had no need to be out when she was still around 2 we'd stay in for her naps (usually so I could get on with jobs). I also think it might be something that's less possible with subsequent kids..I'm pregnant with my second and imagine their naps will likely be less consistent than my first as life is busier and there is a juggle with both kids needs.

Mine all napped on the go, and I childminded and every one of the minded kids over the years napped on the go too. I think if it's something they are used to they will nap if they need it.

I found the people who insisted on a strict routine and that their child had to nap in their cot and nowhere else were the ones who ended up more restricted like that.

Mine wouldn't nap in their cot, on me or in the pram walking somewhere only, so we could be very flexible (but I never got any jobs done at home while he napped unless we went for a walk and I managed to get back up the front steps into the house without waking him up).

All kids and families are different, but if you impose a very strict napping setup with it always being in the same room with white noise and blackout curtains then moving away from it will be hard.

It depends on the toddler! My DS dropped his nap at 18 months anyway (wouldn't go to sleep till 10pm that night if he had even sniff of sleep in the daytime!). My DD napped really well till 3 but would have a shorter sleep in the pushchair if we were out. It was a bit touch and go how she'd be later if she only had a short nap though. So, I would and did go out and about but it wasn't ideal. It was also lovely to have that 2 hour period at home to recharge and get bits done while she was napping.