To ask parents of toddlers (or who have had toddlers!)

[settlethisforme]

Is it absolutely imperative that you are at home, for several hours, over the middle of the day, for their naptime? I have the toddler stage yet to come and I just presumed - maybe naively - that it would be possible to continue on with naps in the pram if we happen to be out at that time, and if we’re at home, great. I think I would find it stressful and limiting to clockwatch though.

A relative with a 20 month old insists they can’t make plans between 11-2 anyday, that’s inclusive of family meals and events. Recently it would have worked better for everyone else so I asked if there was any way they could make it at that time and they immediately became very defensive and said I will know what it’s like very soon.

AIBU to think it doesn’t have to be so prescriptive? They don’t seem very happy with the arrangement and complain they never have enough time to do anything. As it happens this relative is a SAHM anyway and I will be at work by then so I presume in a childcare setting anything goes, some days they might sleep more and some less at that age.

Mine only napped at home. I didn’t mind, time goes so fast, let them sleep. Lunches out can wait.

When we used nursery my child was only one that wouldn’t sleep, I felt very guilty as at that time they would sleep 2 hours at home after lunch.

Oh goody for you that your child is so flexible and nap anywhere. Not everyone is like that .We also block out 11-2 at home.
My dd (21m) is sleep trained. In her cot. It also means that from 11:30-1:30/2 I am guaranteed 2-2.5hrs to myself. I would take that over plans with anyone.
Also means at 7:30 she's placed in her cot and puts herself to sleep. And then at 7:30 I have the entire night for myself again.
On the very rare occasion that we had to be out, it was an utter nightmare. The entire day and night was off and we woke up exhausted.

It depends on the child, I would love to have a toddler that sleeps in a pushchair but he hasn't done so since he was 10 months old. If he ever falls asleep somewhere that is not his bed, he will sleep 45 min top vs 2.5-3h normally (and gosh isn't he grumpy when he doesn't sleep enough!).

One of my friends has a toddler the same age who naps in the pushchair, and that's so much easier for them.

My first child would nap anywhere. My second child only naps in a cot at home. I didn’t expect it because we were so used to naps in the car and pushchair with DD1 but DD2 won’t fall asleep in those circumstances and gets very stressed. I would change our routine for an occasional special event but not on a regular basis.

It's not just the day that they might be flexing their plans for - they could have a toddler who then proceeds to be an absolute nightmare in the evening / night / next day if they are overtired.

As a PP said parenting a toddler is really hard (the hardest IMO) and those couple of hours silence are golden.

Another to repeat that it depends on the child. My first laughed at routine and would nod off in the sling, on the floor, in the buggy or car. She turned one at the start of lockdown so we had nothing to do and she just did what she fancied.

My second found his own routine pretty early and the second nap can flex or be dropped if no option but he likes set- ish times for both and it’s not a barrel of laughs if it gets messed with.

See what you get, people just tend to do what works and messing with it can throw the rest of the day and nighttime sleep.

It depends on your kid. Mine was a terrible sleeper from day 1 and naps are really only possible in the car, or in her cot. She will stay awake as humanly possible if in her buggy for fear of missing out. Her nursery moans that she’s always the last child to fall asleep.

Meanwhile her similarly aged cousin goes down without a fuss and would sleep through a tornado.

We have had all the sleep training advice at great expense but just like adults, not all kids sleep exactly the same way. She’s an absolute doddle otherwise and we feel quite smug when she’s a delight to take out to “nice” places, even though we know it’s just her personality and not our superior parenting in any way shape or form!

This was our experience too! DC1 could could be transferred from e.g. car seat to cot or pram without waking as well. DC2 was extremely picky about nap locations and couldn't be touched or moved at all once asleep.

I used to just suck up the inevitable evening of overtired horror for an occasional family lunch or other event, but I agree, not regularly.

Depends on the child. One of mine really needed a good nap post lunch as if she missed a nap she’d become an angry over tired mess and just got more and more overstimulated and wired. I could go and meet people for an early lunch at 11.45/12 and then get her to sleep in the car afterwards but I’d have never chosen to meet people at 1 for example. It wouldn’t have been fun for anyone.

Yes my older DC was a nightmare with sleep and if naptime got mucked up it was awful - tantrums, not going to sleep for hours in the evening etc

If that's her routine then that's her routine. My kids grew up in the Gina Ford era and if you followed her your day was scheduled like a military operation! I was pretty relaxed during the day, but was strict with the bedtime routine.

I guess it depends on the child? I have a friend who has a DC that refuses to sleep in the car seat or pram so she tries to stick to nap time at home wherever possible.

If I have day time plans I’m a bit more relaxed, my DC might have a shorter nap or on occasions completely miss his nap but he can cope with that. He is 18 mo

It's also a combination of character and sleep pattern. At 20 months old, during lunchtime hours, without nap, indoor whilst adults are having a meal: my son would have been an absolute nightmare. Grumpy, tired, running around trying to climb/grab everything ("lights! Lights!!!")

We stopped taking him to restaurants around that age because it wasn't manageable. Only now at 2.7 is it starting to get better.

No way I could have ever been so stuck to times like this! Even if mine were asleep and I needed to go out they still got taken out. They learned from the get go to nap in the car/pram if needed. As long as they had a nap a day I wasn't bothered about where it was or specifically what time. As long as it wasn't late as that would affect their sleep at night. Mine were both great sleepers right through the night from 10-12 weeks old.

It’s also a very short period of time in your parenting journey. If someone feels like for 2 years they have to be quite rigid then it won’t last forever. It is much easier for adults to flex than it is for a 18m old. I’ve got much less patience for adults who get frustrated that a 2 year old can’t always manage a 2 hour lunch at 1pm than the parents of said child who are trying to manage them.

It depends, as everyone has said. Until you've had to look after a toddler that's missed their nap, you have no idea how hideous it is. It messes up your entire day and likely that night and the next day too.

Mine would only nap in the pram if I kept moving - which was fine, but no way could I have taken him to a restaurant.

Oh god this thread is reminding me of the time I tried to do that thing where you set off for your holiday at toddler bedtime and they just go to sleep in the car, and then you transfer them to the airport hotel still asleep and then set off for your early-morning flight with everyone well rested and ready to go.

He screamed all the way to the airport, and then screamed for two hours at the hotel until he finally dropped off from exhaustion.

For my two toddlers I find that outside is so stimulating if it's somewhere they're having a good time/lots of other children etc then why would they want to get in the pushchair and miss out....

Pushchair naps out and about, even with a snoozeshade and portable white noise, are harder to come by than a nap in the car or a pushchair nap in our quiet local area. So I also avoid making plans between 11.30 and 2 unless I can be sure they'll sleep in the car on the way there and back. Obviously would make an exception for full day trips or special occasions.

If I don't time naps right I end up with toddlers not napping until absolutely shattered at 3 or even 4pm then not going to bed until 10pm, 11pm if it's gone tits up. As they're up at 6 and one feeds overnight that's me fucked.

I've been lucky both my children slept pretty much anywhere and I didn't change my plans to suit their naps once they got to toddler age. Now with my youngest DC just turned 3 the naps are really only for about half an hour in the car when I'm driving somewhere. I do try and time it for after lunch and before 1pm so it doesn't impact bedtime.

I appreciate though that some people have kids that really need routine naps at a set time in a set place. Mine sleep in their cot, their buggy or the car without issue. I think it's finding what suits your child best.

Some people have a strict schedule and some don't. Depends on the parents and the child. I have a 1.5 year old and she naps sometime in the afternoon, usually in the buggy, usually for around 20-30mins.

All three of mine aside from being newborns have never napped in the pram/buggy. If there are people around they want to be up. Even now in the 6 weeks holidays it's rare for my 2 year old to have a nap because his big brothers are in the house.

All mine either before 2 or at 2 have pretty much given up naps unless I contact/breastfed napped. (Plus breastfeeding a toddler who wants to look around and do gymnastics because people are about just doesnt work)They needed the right timings and environment. But they absolutely still needed to nap. So we had to adjust bedtimes or just deal with a very grumpy toddler. There's no way I'd prefer to deal with a tantrumming toddler out or with friends over the comfort of home.

Even now my 6 year old (with sen so extra reasons we stick to routine )can not stay up later past his bedtime (6pm)we pay the price for it for a week after. Sleep and routine just isn't worth breaking.

My two year old is currently getting up from 4am because he is missing that naptime. My other two have got up from 5am always no matter what time they go to bed. No sniff
of a lay in here.

Some children are just nobheads for sleep. Sleep and naptimes can absolutely be that parents moment of sanity. So whilst will there be a person in the world who is just being difficult yes probably but most likely more parents are just trying to survive and don't want to pay the price for one day's disrupted routine. I am laid back and go with the flow with most of my life but this isn't a area I can be. My children will remind me of that the moment we deviate.

I marvel at toddlers asleep in buggies. It's something so foreign to me.

I do wish more people with different children would be more compassionate. I'm not trying to fun suck or party poop but especially at a event where my children might have also had sugar. It's most imperative they don't stay up too late or get even more overtired. Other adults that don't have to deal with said children can't reasonably ask my children to go past their limits that's not fair.

I have never once mastered this. Only tried it twice mind you and both times had screaming babies and toddlers so ended up stopping at hotels on the way instead. Nightmare! Mind simply want boob and bed at bedtime.

My next door neighbours do it all the time! Bastards.

AIBU to think it doesn’t have to be so prescriptive?

Yes, YABU. You've said she isn't happy with it. People with strict sleeping routines rarely became parents thinking "oh gosh, I can't wait to run my day around nap time".
Children who don't sleep well are torture. I barely kept my grip on sanity when mine didn't sleep, and if a strict daytime nap routine would have helped then you'd have had to prise it from my cold dead hands.

I didn't necessarily have to be in the house. DS would nap in the car best. But you don't plan activities at nap time. Do you think you'd go out for a meal at a toddlers nap time and they'd just nap in the pram? No. The toddler will be overtired, grouchy, the parents won't be able to eat, it will be stressful. Then the toddler will nap on the way home. Hours too late and now won't go to bed and again will be overtired and grouchy.

I'm not putting up with a day of an overtired grouchy toddler just becuase Aunt Joan would prefer an early lunch. But I more than happily just won't go to things that don't work for us.