To ask parents of toddlers (or who have had toddlers!)

[settlethisforme]

Is it absolutely imperative that you are at home, for several hours, over the middle of the day, for their naptime? I have the toddler stage yet to come and I just presumed - maybe naively - that it would be possible to continue on with naps in the pram if we happen to be out at that time, and if we’re at home, great. I think I would find it stressful and limiting to clockwatch though.

A relative with a 20 month old insists they can’t make plans between 11-2 anyday, that’s inclusive of family meals and events. Recently it would have worked better for everyone else so I asked if there was any way they could make it at that time and they immediately became very defensive and said I will know what it’s like very soon.

AIBU to think it doesn’t have to be so prescriptive? They don’t seem very happy with the arrangement and complain they never have enough time to do anything. As it happens this relative is a SAHM anyway and I will be at work by then so I presume in a childcare setting anything goes, some days they might sleep more and some less at that age.

it’s often not a case of parents being inflexible, it’s being realistic about what their dc can cope with and how good/badly behaved they will be out of routine, do you really think your meal would be nice with a screaming, tantrumming child at the table, or your family member not being at the table, but pushing a buggy up and down outside with a screaming child in it?

By next summer it’ll be completely different again. At the time it feels like forever but it’s such a short amount of time. Always best to be realistic about what kids can cope with.

Agree with all these posts saying it depends on the child. Dh was a SAHD. With DS, they did loads of of activities etc as DS wasn't a great napper so was better napping in car/pram on way to/from things. DD on the other hand LOVED napping but could only do it in her own room, in the dark and if she didn't nap, she was a total monster. At one point, she was going down at around 11 and having to be woken up at 245 to rush to do the school run for DS!

Will add, it also depends on the parent. some children might be able to be a bit flexible, but the disruption to the routine can be very difficult for the parent and/or if things are intense, that downtime is hugely important to the parent.

It depends really, ideally you would be home for their nap but mine both slept in their pushchairs if we were out. I never refused to do anything because of nap time personally because family events don't happen often.
Family meals can be tricky though because toddlers tend to want lunch quite early then nap and delaying lunch can often mean they get hangry or over tired then act up or don't eat properly- then adults want to sit and chat which is impossible really with a toddler.
It wound nice for some flexibility on both sides, like book lunch at 12.

Hahaha relative will soon learn when the rest crack on without her and start making plans for fun days out. Sounds like she has quite. a lot of time on her hands.

Mine napped for 2 hours in the morning and two hours in the afternoon. If they didn’t get their afternoon nap, they literally fell asleep in their high chair at dinner - and then woke up at midnight because they were hungry! Nightmare!

I found the more sleep they had, the better they slept!

They learned to sleep in the car and pram because they're good sleepers. Just like some are good eaters or talkers, some are good sleepers.

Others don't cope well with the slightest deviation from their sleep schedule. Most of us with poor sleepers would have loved to be more flexible and able to go out for lunch etc but you quickly learn when it's not worth it.

My oldest would sleep anywhere, 2nd wasn’t much of a sleeper anywhere (including home lol) my youngest is 2 and will never sleep anywhere except his cot and been like that from when he was weeks old. If he does fall asleep in buggy it is literally for about 10mins then ends up more crabbit so yeah i don’t like to venture out between 12-2

Ds was a great sleep and always slept in the pram (lovely Silver cross type) still or moving, during the day. I think it's normal and it's the people who insist putting their babies to nap in a cot only for naptime that have the issues.

Mine would nod off anywhere but it's better for them to be lying down properly for a proper nap imo.
However, DS could sleep on a clothesline.

The worst time was when they were dropping the second day-time nap, they'd be trying to nod off about 4.30pm and you'd be trying to keep them awake, otherwise they'd be full of energy until 10pm.
If we were out and they nodded off in the car coming home, I knew that would be it until our bedtime!

I do prefer that my toddler takes her nap at home so I know it's 1.5h and I can get sleep too/do housework but at 2y4m DD sometimes isn't tired for her nap until later so it would be waste to stay home just because of the nap. I try to get to shops/out etc after breakfast and then again do something after she wakes up from her nap. But if she takes her nap in the pushchair that's fine too but that isn't more than 40min which means she will be cranky later. If I was invited somewhere with other people I would not refuse because of 'nap time'.

Mine is now 4 but when he was this age we had to be home as he wouldn’t nap in the pram. If I had to be out then I would go on a drive on way home as he would also nod off in the car

Ds was a great sleep and always slept in the pram (lovely Silver cross type)

Yes, we had a Silver Cross, they slept in the garden in that.

I'm wondering what age toddler, though? At 20 months they still need one nap but it shouldn't be long before they drop that day-time sleep.

One of my sons was terrible and his naps coincided with a pick up at that time and he’d wake up cranky and sometimes hysterical. Another was lifted out asleep/ sleepy in the buggy/ slept wherever we were! With the first I wish I’d told people I couldn’t meet then, meeting anyone was a nightmare!!!

Depends on the child. But depends on the parent too. My boy dropped his naps early, but I was never really willing to give up social time for it so he either napped in the car / pram or he didn't nap. This led to him being a bit of a nightmare, but selfishly it was something I was willing to trade. Doing the same with my daughter. But I know lots of parents who are more rigid and to be fair their kids probably sleep better in their cots than mine do!

Ps 2 of my kids still napped at the age of three ( I remember because I worried they’d never stop and school would be a horror movie 😅😅😅)

All that means is they have different kids.

Not going out 11-2 isn't that restrictive in the grand scheme of things. And I say that as someone with a baby that naps well in lots of ways (although you currently have to stick to whatever you started with - walk, contact, cot, drive - strictly no transfers!).

There are lots of phases of babies and toddlers that are restrictive in different ways, and this is just one of them.

(Let's ignore the fact that being able to bail altogether or in part from interminably long family events is a perk of parenthood - there are plenty of hours before and after 11-2!)

Mine don't sleep well in their cots, never cot nap and I have tried everything over the years and it's nothing to do with what I do or don't do. We can only create the conditions for good sleep. That's the view of an expensive sleep consultant 😃

The only thing they do is drop naps late so I'm very thankful of this! At the moment both toddlers still have a good hour or two every day. My sanity saving moments!

Anyone else find a car nap begins to feel like wasted me time? Especially by 2.5 when you really need a break!

As many other posters have already said, it really depends on the temperament of your child. I had a nap refuser. Nap time would often involve more time and effort put in to getting her to go to sleep than she would stay asleep for. If she didn’t nap she was whingy and miserable all afternoon. So my day was very much restricted by this. It was a tough time. Lonely and exhausting. Friends had babies that would fall asleep anywhere and I expect they would have no understanding at all of what the reality was for me.

We were out most days naps worked around that

I have and have had a toddler 🥲 DS2 is 19 months. He was always an amazing pram sleeper, until he was about 12 months. Now he will only nap in the cot, between 11:30-13:30.

This is annoying but it doesn’t stop us going out per se, as he is a chilled little fella and will only start to crash at around tea time really and can usually last til bed time. If he’s really tired after no nap I’ll give him an early night (eg 6:30 instead of 7.)

I will say I’ll only do this eg once a week, so most days he does get his nap.

Do what you want to do. Mine slept in the car when we went out but I don’t think mine slept during the day when at home from 2 years old

Wherever I went they came along. I found it odd people not going out during the day because of nap times at that age

What you need is a child that will stay asleep when the car stops. Then you can simply park up in the driveway and get snacks

That's the only way my eldest would take a nap that wasn't on me in the hellish silent reflux days.

Anyone else find a car nap begins to feel like wasted me time? Especially by 2.5 when you really need a break!

My car is the most comfortable seat I have! I sort of like the lack of pressure to "do stuff" in a car.

I don't often need to do a car nap - only in a phase where I had a bad back and COVID. But I quite like the phase where you can do a nap on the way there and back between events.

When mine was a baby she was a fab sleeper and would happily sleep anywhere, especially in the pram etc. She is 21 months now and will only fall sleep in the cot or the car seat. She wouldn’t, and hasn’t for months and months, settle in a restaurant in the pram now, she would be too interested in what was going on and become overtired, cranky and ruin everyones meal. We usually do brunch/coffee instead if we fancy going out and then come home for nap time.