Kids allowed to roam all over visiting house ?

[LizzeyBenett]

So just an observation but it really annoyed me and honestly I was surprised . We recently had our first baby and as a result have had a lot of visitors friends and family and of course people Have brought their kids along that's all fine . But any children that have been in my home recently have literally been allowed to roam around the house by their parents with not an eye batted . Two of them wandered off up stairs to our bedroom again parents didn't see anything wrong with it another was let come in and out the front door multiple times and knock on it in repeatedly in process while the baby was trying to sleep in the next room and another came into the living room and switched on everything they could touch . Is this normal ? AIBU ? I just can't imagine letting my kids roam around someone's house I'm visiting touch whatever they want and make as much noise as they want ? Surely parents have to have some control and manners on their kids ?

No I wouldn't be letting my child do this. As it's your first child I would probably have a selection of his favourite toys in his bag and get him to sit nearby or encourage him to gently sing to baby.
If you had another child, I would typically think they would play happily together downstairs, only upstairs if your child was going up there to play in their room.

When my friends come with their kids I close my bedroom door and tell my child that they can play upstairs but must stay out of our bedroom.

I had one friend come over with their son he was climbing over my banister, over the back of the sofa and playing with the alexa. I couldn't believe it.

Kids are curious wee creatures.
It's how they learn.
I speak as someone with no children but I knew if a visit from family would involve little people, it was best all round to remove objects I might not want broken/defaced, to put child locks on cupboards containing child killing products then everyone can just chill.
Come back to your post in 5 years OP and see if you still feel the same😉

Congratulations on your new baby.

I wouldn't let my child do this and wouldn't be happy for it to be done in my house. Usually I have a "door is open" policy in that I leave the doors wide open of the rooms I don't mind them wandering into, and close the doors tight to the rooms I don't want them going into.

I had one set of (now ex) friends who not only allowed their kids to do this, but did it themselves too. They would wander the house, including the adults’ bedroom and pick up stuff (not toys) to give to the kids to play with with an excited “look what I’ve found”.

One of the multitude of reasons they’re now ex friends.

I wouldn't let DD do this but I also wouldn't let other people's kids do it in my house. If you know someone well enough for them to come and visit your new born you know them well enough to tell them to get out of your bedroom.

@Wingedharpy I’m 25 years down the line and I do not agree. It’s extremely bad manners not to parent your children when they are in someone else’s house. I would not have let mine wander like that.

This is what kids are like.
I personally tell mine to stop poking around but they still try and sneak a look anyway. When they last had friends over I found one kid rooting under my bed 🤣

No this isn't acceptable.

However why didn't you just say 'can you stay downstairs please?'

It's your house. You make the rules.

Totally disagree. I'm way more than 5 years down the road and I've never known any children (certainly not my own) who have ever behaved like this

I didn’t allow this and mine weren’t the sort to sit quietly for long but you have to do your best to entertain them and contain them!

You don’t need the extra work of clearing up after their kids when they’ve gone.

I remember a friends kids behaving like this and I was shocked. Jumping on our bed, opening wardrobes, up and down the stairs. The parents just sat there like wet blankets. Never invited back.

My 4 children would never do this because they have respect for other people, unfortunately a lot of parents wont say no to their little darlings nowadays

No,this is not normal. I would definitely not have let my DD do this when she was young. Sounds rather like my ex SIL,who, when I was still with my exH, would regularly turn up with her 3 young kids and let them run riot through my flat. Nowhere was out of bounds,as far as she was concerned.

No you tell them the house rules in front of parents when they arrive like if you’re hungry ask, don’ t help yourself. Only go in rooms with doors open, shoes off etc. you’d think they’d
know but I’m shocked at some kids just treating the place and fridge like their own

As mum to a 5 year old, I think its feral as fuck to let your kids wander around someone's home like that.

Not in a million years.

Do ask the parents to keep their children in sight - no one should be wandering around your home!

Anyone ignoring their child going in and out of a front door and knocking needs the visit finishing quickly - stand up and smile “It’s been great seeing you - thanks so much for coming. Let’s meet in the park soon”

Just no. They can go to the bathroom if trusted to clean it clean and not to roam around. You bring things to amuse them!

Depends on the age(s) of visiting child/ren for me.
I like a relaxed, happy vibe in my house and wouldn't want visiting parents to feel they had to jump up every 5 seconds to wrangle young kids back to their seats.

I do admit though, in order to discourage 1 youngster from heading up to the 3rd floor of my house (I was more concerned about him falling down very steep stairs rather than any damage to any objects), I told him we couldn"'t go up there as it belonged to the man next door and he got very angry if we went up there.
He gave me the look and said "I don't really believe you - but, ok".
Job done.

I would never have allowed my children to behave like that. When they had friends over, always told them they weren't allowed to play in my bedroom.

Your post reminds me of the time many years ago I went to visit some friends with DM. She made tbem an Easter cake and the kids took all the decorations off the cake. The parents laughed it off but DM and I were not impressed. However, those kids are now adults and absolutely lovely people.

We invited a friend's son over to play with DS when he was younger . We had bought as a Christmas present a thing where you can do karaoke on the TV with microphones and a guitar. This child broke the thing because he was not being careful. His Mum said - Oh accidents happen . Had it been me I would have offered to replace it. She just laughed and said her son had knocked some tiles off the roof of another families house including a little terracotta thing on the gable and said I just left quickly because I didn't want to pay for it.

I think manners can be taught. & if your child causes damage - offer to pay - the householders will probably say no - but the offer is good .

Why wouldn't she feel the same?! It's not normal to bring your kids to someone else's home and allow them to run riot, it's actually pig rude.

My favourite was when my SIL came over to our house. I'm currently pregnant but we hadn't any children then , just two dogs and she picked up my puppy's ball and told her toddler son he could keep it and bring it home. It was like because we hadn't any children yet that any toy was fair game. I promptly explained it was my dogs toy.

He was on the fucking roof??

No it’s not normal, I have two dc (7 and 2) and would not let them roam around someone’s house unsupervised. Mainly because it’s just rude!
I would have toys in my bag to keep them happy and expect them to stay in the room with me (unless you also had an older dc for my older dc to play with and then I would let them play together - in the garden, or Childs bedroom if allowed)
I also wouldn’t make the visit last for more than an hour or so, one because you have a baby and probably wouldn’t want visitors longer than that, and two because it wouldn’t be fair on my dc to have to be on best behaviour for too long without a run around outside or something.

to be fair kids are naturally high energy and will want to just run around the house, but it’s our job as parents to teach them manners.

It's not normal no, my two are now in primary and secondary school but I've never had any issues taking them out in public or friends homes.

I wouldn't let my son do this but the kids were probably bored. Babies are pretty boring. I would have brought something for him to do or play with.