Kids allowed to roam all over visiting house ?

[LizzeyBenett]

So just an observation but it really annoyed me and honestly I was surprised . We recently had our first baby and as a result have had a lot of visitors friends and family and of course people Have brought their kids along that's all fine . But any children that have been in my home recently have literally been allowed to roam around the house by their parents with not an eye batted . Two of them wandered off up stairs to our bedroom again parents didn't see anything wrong with it another was let come in and out the front door multiple times and knock on it in repeatedly in process while the baby was trying to sleep in the next room and another came into the living room and switched on everything they could touch . Is this normal ? AIBU ? I just can't imagine letting my kids roam around someone's house I'm visiting touch whatever they want and make as much noise as they want ? Surely parents have to have some control and manners on their kids ?

'Free rein' is out of the question.

It's fine to play, but not take the piss and go in an adult's bedroom.

I'll happily bring toys downstairs for them to play with, but there's no need for the children to make themselves at home.
It's disrespectful, and i will always give them an age appropriate telling off.

@Gowlett we were always told to stay out of bedrooms except the bedrooms of the children we are playing with, and usually the "good sitting room" if they had one wherever we were visiting. I've never been given free rein in any house.

PurpleDiva22, awh the “good sitting room”. I loved it.
Many a happy hour spent playing with my Granny’s ornaments. I knew they were special & never broke them.
I think that children are far more sensible than we think!

Congratulations on your baby OP 😊

In answer to your question no it’s not normal to allow kids to run feral through somebody else’s house.

See also kids running around restaurants crashing into waiters with plates of hot food and kids being utter PITA on aeroplanes and any other public space.

There are generally 2 types of child raising-one where you instil manners and boundaries. And the other 😉

Jesus. This thread really brings it home that some people have weird approaches to manners when it involves their own children.

It is not ok to let your precious little darlings roam all over my home and look through drawers and make a total mess of my things.

I'm interested in this point of view. Is it that children get free rein to go into any room but that's because they're trusted not to actually go through peoples stuff? Or break things? Is it that you expect to surface tidy/put stuff away into drawers when you know there's children coming because you know they won't touch things that aren't there's?

Or is it that it's actually fine for children to access anything?

I'm struggling to understand how anyone is ok with having to get your house into a state where there's absolutely nothing you wouldn't want pulled out and thrown downstairs? What about sex toys? Sexy underwear? Old underwear? Any underwear at all! Jewellery? Sentimental inherited things? Ornaments? Make up? Children's teeth? (I don't keep my children's body parts but I know lots of people do!) Notebooks? Letters? Pictures? Tampons being pulled out and thrown downstairs?

I'm just baffled by people not needing anywhere in their home that they'd want private and safe from a load of friends' children, especially when we are not just talking about a sneaky bounce on the bed but about 14 year olds going through drawers under the bed etc and parents grabbing things off sides for children to give to children?

We bought dog gates for our dogs when they were puppies. We keep them for BIL & SIL's feral DC.

Sadly OP, although very definitely not normal. It isn't unusual and you will meet plenty of spirited children and lazy parents. Congratulations on your own new born.

No, not normal at all. Children will visit my other children’s rooms now obviously, but my room and offices remain off limits. Kids normally know this without being told

It's not OK for parents to let children wander around other people's homes. I have a good friend who had an awful childhood and as a result struggled to know what normal parenting was. I kept the stair gate on a lot longer than I would just to deter her DC from roaming my house, but it worked for other DC too. Even though they could have opened it if they wanted to, visiting DC didn't.

When my eldest was about three we looked at a lot of show homes, and he suddenly thought it was OK to wander freely around other people's houses. I was a little nervous he might suddenly declare the garden far too small and say the choice of tiles were horrid.

I’m so heartened by this thread!

Every time Dc come to our house they expect to run riot through the house, upstairs, downstairs, everywhere. I was beginning to think it was just me who had an issue as the parents seem to expect to have a good gander as well . They usually try the “ I’ll just run up and check on them.” Sometimes I say don’t worry I’ll go but normally I just give in as I’d got to the point I thought it was a “me” problem and I was unduly uptight.

I wouldn't allow it and I wouldn't allow visiting children free rein either. I always 'showed them around' when they arrived, even if they'd been before, mainly on the pretext of reminding a small child where the bathroom is. "This is DC1's room, this is DC2's room. The bathroom is here. That is my bedroom and you are not allowed in there."

It is exceptionally rude for people to let their kids roam around your house and touch your private belongings, they are shitty parents

It is like when people visit you, they expect YOU to babysit their kids whilst they smash your shit up You either babysit or your house is being wrecked. No fuck that

Yes they are curious creatures but they need to know boundaries too.

Kids need to learn to be comfortable with not being entertained all the time. It is not healthy expectation to demand entertainment or behave terribly

I once had a friend whose kids used to do this. I put my handbag on the floor in my own home, she would think nothing of sitting watching her kid rifle through it - throwing personal items all over the floor - and drag an expensive bag round the floor whilst i was in the next room making tea.

I walked back in to the room and my sanitary products and mediation were all over the floor and her child sitting under my table with my bag in one hand, and a chocolate in the other hand, and then child had a massive tantrum when i tried to remove it, and the mum said 'oh shes alright' and laughed it off. I was furious so i took my bag back and let the kid scream its head off. Her other slightly older child was in my bedroom going through my perfume cupboard and spraying my expensive perfume all over herself. Told her i was going out so sadly she would have to leave

I stopped them visiting, no way would I have them round again, they were awful parents and the kids behaviour was unbearable to be around

Don't put your baby on its own for naps. Baby needs the noise to reduce risk of cot death.

The Lullaby Trust has up to date guidance on safe sleep including day time sleep.

I agree with the above. Yes, it’s out of order but I would say that YOU let them wander around your house. Of course, you have a baby (which means you can be physically stuck) and they’re your friends and you were being polite, but it’s your house. You can be breezily firm with children usually without pissing off the parents - ‘no, not in there, darling!’ . But absolutely you shouldn’t have to in an ideal world. Congratulations on your baby.

Why all the exclamations marks? It's not a given that children are going to go through your house you know, as the homeowner you should set boundaries not just roll your eyes.

I had someone who did this. They pulled some medication out of my handbag and my friend actually told me off - she said I shouldn’t have left medication within reach of
children - it was in my bag because I needed to carry it with me! I said no offence but they shouldn’t be in my bag…!

It happens ALL the time. I’ve stopped inviting some people round. I say to my DH what is it about our house that makes people NEVER want to leave 😂😂 when I say “pop round” I think two hours is about right.

We have a lot of land and play equipment and kids love visiting. But it puts me off having people because they always overstay and it eats into my day!

This is not normal.

Sorry but it is not normal for other peoples kids to be playing in another adult couples bedroom and under the bed.

How would you feel if your child came down the stairs with some adult toys in their hand? Or took some medication that they shouldn't?

An adult couples bedroom is their private space. Most kids do not even behave like this in their own parents bedroom. It is not a playground

and this comment 'knew keeping an eye on them was pointless!' - you probably shouldn't have kids.

Ds would not have been allowed to do this.

But one of the interesting things about raising a child is seeing how many people do things so differently and there's such a spectrum.

I've had kids jumping on my sofa and parents praising them for good jumping - errrr no!!!

What you need to learn to do is make it clear what you will allow in your house.
If you are likely to start having lots of visitors with children now you have a newborn I'd start now with baby proofing and buy a load of stair gates!!!!

Also have stuff for them to do and get it out so you can redirect to suitable activities

Congratulations btw

We were the family with the big garden with play equipment as well.

I loved my children having friends over but I bluntly (but in a friendly tone) kick them out when it’s time to feed people. Otherwise I was going broke feeding 3 or 4 extra kids multiple times a week

New baby . No no visitors other then close family who make you tea and meals .
Take your baby and go and visit friends .
Benefit you make no tea and friends children misbehave in their own home .

I did the viewings for a house I was renting years ago and I wes appalled by the kids of the families who viewed. I know that it’s different as everyone is allowed to view the whole house but the kids would tear through the place, pick things up and throw them, go under beds, open drawers, pull clothes off drying racks and hide them, steal food - it was endless and the parents would just do that “oh dear..: kids eh?” thing that made me want to slap them!

So no I don’t think it’s abnormal at all but it’s absolutely wrong. So many lazy parents these days though.

You just have to stand at the bottom and call them down. I always brief them “not up the stairs”. Kids take instructions better from adults who aren’t their parent, generally!

The expense is a big element people don’t consider. I shop to a meal plan. So if I’m catering for generally two more kids plus one more adult it gets expensive. Especially as the invites often aren’t returned! I love having people but it gets tiring.

That's piss poor parenting!