Trying to make dinner plans with friend, who is in the wrong?

[lolit]

My friend invited me to dinner and I responded suggesting a restaurant and told her I have a half-price voucher for this restaurant. She agreed.

Today is the day of the dinner, she messaged me ignoring the previous agreement and suggesting a different restaurant. I was annoyed about that, not just because she ignored our previous agreement, but because the reason I suggested this place is because I can't afford a full-priced meal right now. I didn't directly say that, but I figured with the cost of living it's implied to be honest.

Also, the restaurant she suggested is Indian and I just went to an Indian restaurant yesterday and don't want to eat the same food two days in a row (I know that might be weird, but I'm autistic if that matters). So I replied saying "I went to an Indian restaurant yesterday" again, thinking that the part that I don't want to have Indian food twice in a row is implied. But she didn't understand what I tried to say and just said "me too" 😂

My question is, is it unreasonable to think that both of my messages were pretty clear on what I meant if you just used common sense? Not everything needs to be spelled out.

YABU- You should have spelled it out, how is she supposed to know what you meant
YANBU- the opposite

Sorry but I think YABU. I wouldn’t assume that saying you have a voucher means that you can’t afford to pay full price. And I also wouldn’t assume that just because you ate Indian yesterday you might not want the same today. You needed to be clearer with what you were saying.

Text her:

Hi! I have a voucher for the original restaurant. Let’s go there and get some money off our dinner. It’s been a tight month for me with one thing and another. Do you mind?

Tbf imo if you can even consider eating out 2 days in a row you have a skewed idea of being skint.....

Send this. You have not been clear at all.

OP don't assume others will read between the lines and read your mind.

Just reiterate that you have already agreed on such and such restaurant and that you'd like to stick with the original plan, but you're happy to try her suggestion next time.

Why does anybody have to be 'in the wrong'?

Your replies would be clear enough for some people but obviously aren't for her. That doesn't make either of you 'wrong'.

Just tell her clearly that you can only manage the half price voucher place this month and if that doesn't suit you'll join her for an Indian another time.

Well the meal yesterday was free and I can only afford this one if it's half priced 😂

You are expecting your friend to mind read your intentions.
No one is wrong in what they want. Just miscommunication.

How do i get these free meals?

I think it’s always better, if you are not on the same page about something after a round of texting, to actually pick up the phone and speak. Easier to find a solution that suits you both that way.

I don’t know why not wanting to eat the same food is being autistic? If anything the same food would make more sense.

Agree with pp you can’t be skint if you’re eating out a few times. If you’d wanted to use your voucher why not say so and then book the restaurant if your friend agrees? Job done.

if she invited you for dinner, why did you suggest a restaurant?

id reply. 'Thought we'd agreed on x restaurant? I want to use my 50% off voucher before it runs out, so I'd rather stick to that plan. See you there at (agreed time) (ir whatever your plan was)

personally I think your messages were pretty clear, but some people are just not very perceptive

You’re being extremely unclear in your communication with her. You’re in the wrong

You haven’t been remotely clear! YABU.

Because why not? If she does not like the suggestion she can say it and we'll go somewhere else, no problem.

I didn't know if someone invites you to dinner you're not allowed to suggest a place, but it wouldn't be the first unspoken social rule I wasn't aware of 😂

Not everything needs to be spelled out.

In this case the specific things you wanted to communicate did need to be spelled out. I definitely wouldn't have assumed someone was on a budget just because they had a voucher for a certain place.

I think you needed to spell things out because those things aren't actually a big deal and trying to be all hinty-hinty about them is unnecessary. "I've got a voucher for Restaurant X, I'm on a budget so that's all I can afford" is a normal thing to say. "I had Indian last night, I don't fancy it two nights in a row" is also a normal thing to say. So if you don't say the second half of those sentences I wouldn't assume you were trying to convey them.

Why can’t you just be clear. Why write everything with something you think is implied?

She didn't like the suggestion and has suggested somewhere else. 🤷‍♀️

You lost me here:

"I suggested this place is because I can't afford a full-priced meal right now. I didn't directly say that, but I figured with the cost of living it's implied to be honest.

Also, the restaurant she suggested is Indian and I just went to an Indian restaurant yesterday"

I know youve since updated mumsnet that that was free but all you've actually told her is that you don't fancy Indian. Not that you can't afford it or that you don't want it twice. But it sounds like 2 different excuses.

Pick one reason. Tell the truth so she knows price is a factor more than preference.

Well she did. She suggested somewhere else and it’s implied surely she doesn’t like the first suggestion…..😄

Because why not? If she does not like the suggestion she can say it and we'll go somewhere else, no problem.

It follows that if you don’t like her suggestion you can say it and you’ll go somewhere else, no problem …