to think you don't leave your kids in a shop unattended?

[Misthios]

You;d have thought it obvious but clearly not. DD has a summer job working in a shop in a large shopping mall. The name/brand of the shop is unimportant but it's the sort of place which primarily sells stock appealing to under 10s. Sort of like Claire's Accessories / Build A Bear but not - independent place. Anyway, DD has said that at least once a shift she comes across small children who have been left in the shop while the adult they are with goes to the loo, or into the clothes shop next door Or children who come in saying "mum says she'll be here in a minute" and 20 minutes later they are still there.

These are 5/6/7/8 year olds. DD was quite shocked and asked me if this was normal - whether I'd ever left her or her brother in a shop when I went to the loo or elsewhere. I said it wouldn't have ever occurred to me - if I needed the loo when I was out shopping, they would come too. The only time would be somewhere like soft play if there was someone I vaguely recognised from school who I'd ask to keep an eye open for 2 minutes while I grabbed a coffee or whatever.

Why do parents think this is OK? I'm not a paedophile lurking around every corner parent who worries about every scenario but DD's employer is not running a creche, and it would be so easy for a 6 year old to wander off, hurt themselves, or just get upset wondering why mum/dad wasn't back yet.

Madness. Don't imagine anyone will admit to dumping their child in a shop but would be really interested to hear the rationale if anyone will own up to having done it.

There needs to be a sign on the door which says "No unattended children allowed to remain in the shop. Be advised, they will be told to leave"

8 year old I would think would be fine to browse for a bit- at that age my mum used to drop me and my best friend off at the shopping centre for a couple of hours. Agree that 5 is a bit young though

You really think a sign is going to stop it happening? DD reports that the children are generally well-behaved and don't cause them too much of an issue. But again, they're not running a creche.

I'm a little confused by your OP - are the parents expecting the shop assistants to look after them? Or are they just leaving perfecrtly well behaved children for a few minutes?

I wouldn't 5 or 6 but certainly, from when DD was about 8 she would sometimes go ahead of me into a shop or stay in one shop while I popped to the next one.

I mean I guess I'm assuming some kind of general community spirit in that, in the unlikely event someone tried to snatch her, if she screamed, people would help. But I certainly don't expect anyone to look after her. MOre importantly, I expect her to behave appropriately and politely which, as far as I am aware, she always does/has. For the same reason, neither SIL nor any of the rest of us would ever leave my nephew alone in a shop and he's 8 - he's got a while to go before he would be trustworthy enough not to leave/destroy the place/make inappropriate noise.

I can absolutely see why people would do this. They know their own child too. There are very many children who from even 3 up would stay where they were put if you tell them to. Some won't of course but you know your child. They're quite safe, cameras etc about. And more fun for them than being dragged to the loo by their parent. I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying I can see why people do it.

Obviously they are not expecting shop assistants to provide childcare, it's a shop not a nursery.

But I still don't think it's appropriate to leave 5 or 6 years olds on their own in a shop for an indeterminate period, without supervision from the adult who they came to the mall with, however well-behaved they are. Parents/Adults are not in earshot or watching distance, they are in another shop, doing their own thing.

But nobody asked them to look after the children so I don't understand your point. I was allowed to go to the shops by myself from the age of 6. Popped down for a bottle of milk and a loaf of bread on a regular basis and didn't think twice about it.
My friend regularly sends her kids (5 and 7) to the cafe three doors down to get hot chocolates. They are perfectly sensible kids and are getting appropriate independence in a controlled-risk environment (i.e. we can see the entire route out of the window and the cafe owner knows them).

My friend regularly sends her kids (5 and 7) to the cafe three doors down to get hot chocolates.

Well in that case they are customers, aren't they? Your friend isn't sending her kids to the cafe to stand around while she goes to Tesco, is she? Shops aren't a "holding area" for children.

I am no longer sure if you object to children being left unsupervised or just the fact they are not "customers". Decide please.

I wouldn't but my dh said he remembers standing in the game aisle while his mum done a weekly shop. Think it was quite normal back in the day.

SO really, what you think is that it's not safe for children to be left alone.

Which is fine if that's how you feel. But no one is asking or expecting anyone in the shop to look after their child based on your own posts so I think you need to accept that everyone has different degrees of what they consider acceptable risk.

Exactly OP. As if any normal person would ignore a child who has hurt themselves. Which is what these parents are relying on.

I'm guessing these children aren't been made to stand still next to the pots and pans section, but rather are enthralled by the toys or whatever, and would infinitely rather look and make up stories about the toys than go to stand outside a toilet door whilst their mother has a shit. Their mother would also be very well aware if they were capable or not, and it seems they all have been.

I’m not really sure what your aibu is - the fact that they have no adult with them or that they aren’t buying anything. If the later, lots of people browse shops and don’t buy anything. If the former, I think age 7 or 8 seems fine to me. Assuming they behave and your op doesn’t mention general bad behaviour. And unless you have younger children most teenagers would not he easily be able to judge age difference between 5-8 year olds so not convinced the children left are actually as young as 5…

But nobody asked them to look after the children so I don't understand your point

I don't think it is difficult to understand. If there was an unattended 5 year old in a shop I was working in, I would be on edge until their parent came, and watching to make sure they didn't wander off with a strange man or something.

I bet if I started a thread saying "AIBU to leave my 6 year old in Claire's/Build A Bear/Flying Tiger while I browse the bargains in TK Maxx", every poster would be desperate to say how irresponsible I was, how the child would be abducted/injured and how I should probably be reported to social services. 🙄

It's not OK to take small children to a large, busy shopping centre and just leave them in a shop while you go off to do your own thing. The staff are not there to mind your kids for you, but you know that most people are decent humans and wouldn't just stand there while a child pulls a display over on themselves or is dragged off by a stranger so you are banking on someone else stepping in. It's not OK to leave your kids when they don't know where you are and when you're coming back, and without any way of measuring "10 minutes" or whatever.

And yes, shops are there to sell things to people with the funds to buy the goods - they aren't there to act as some sort of soft play / museum / childcare for parents.

I think ages are hard to tell. My youngest dd was mistaken for an 8/9yo recently. She is 12 (13 next week) but was a premature twin. Her identical twin is a bit bigger but still looks younger than about to go into year 9 at secondary.

DD is training as a primary teacher - she is pretty good at estimating the age of kids.

James Bulger was left unattended

I’d have left my DS at 10 to look at Lego while I was in the shop next door. He knows how to behave and is much more interested in looking at Lego than the clothes next door. No one needs to babysit him.

Are you serious? Jamie Bulger was on CCTV it didn't save him from awful torture and death at the hands of those children.

James Bulger was 2, not 8. I'm not sure it's good taste to bring that up, but that's just me.

A year 3 or 4 child (7 or 8) is capable of staying out in a shop for a few minutes and calling for help if necessary.

Personally i don't see the issue.

5yo in one shop and parent in shop next door. Lots of 5yo are mature enough to do this - some absolutely not 😂

They probably have phones nowadays!

If the unattended child is causing an issue then call the shopping centre security. But based on what I've witnessed in shopping centres this holiday it isn't necessarily the unaccompanied kids causing mayhem!

I betting the same posters would be saying how childcare isn't safe because you just can't trust people but no car seat or leave them in the car perfectly fine.

Shops are for browsing in. The whole intention of a shop is to hang around in it looking 😂