to think you don't leave your kids in a shop unattended?

[Misthios]

You;d have thought it obvious but clearly not. DD has a summer job working in a shop in a large shopping mall. The name/brand of the shop is unimportant but it's the sort of place which primarily sells stock appealing to under 10s. Sort of like Claire's Accessories / Build A Bear but not - independent place. Anyway, DD has said that at least once a shift she comes across small children who have been left in the shop while the adult they are with goes to the loo, or into the clothes shop next door Or children who come in saying "mum says she'll be here in a minute" and 20 minutes later they are still there.

These are 5/6/7/8 year olds. DD was quite shocked and asked me if this was normal - whether I'd ever left her or her brother in a shop when I went to the loo or elsewhere. I said it wouldn't have ever occurred to me - if I needed the loo when I was out shopping, they would come too. The only time would be somewhere like soft play if there was someone I vaguely recognised from school who I'd ask to keep an eye open for 2 minutes while I grabbed a coffee or whatever.

Why do parents think this is OK? I'm not a paedophile lurking around every corner parent who worries about every scenario but DD's employer is not running a creche, and it would be so easy for a 6 year old to wander off, hurt themselves, or just get upset wondering why mum/dad wasn't back yet.

Madness. Don't imagine anyone will admit to dumping their child in a shop but would be really interested to hear the rationale if anyone will own up to having done it.

I agree with PP - 5/6 no way, 9/10 yes, 7/8 probably depends on the child, the shop, the neighbourhood, the time of day etc.

That said, I will leave my DS age 6 in the children's section at the back of a large Waterstones while I browse in other parts of the bookstore. All the same shop though and he knows where I am. Wouldn't go off to the upstairs leaving him downstairs.

Most of the posters say it’s just fine but nine out of ten readers ( when I looked) agree with you OP.

Draw your own conclusions.

8 year olds yes. I let mine look for 5 or 10 minutes but they were very reliable.

From about age 6 my grannie left me in the Harrods toy department while she shopped. It was the done thing 50 odd years ago.

I will confess my kids hang out in the toy aisle at Tesco. I get big shop delivered so normally just bits and bobs once a month or so. There always seems to be someone’s birthday coming up or they can choose a toy or magazine if they want to spend their pocket money. My youngest are 9 yo twins and generally older brother with a phone is with them. Strict orders not to leave the store. It doesn’t feel like risky behaviour tbh.

I think it started when younger two were 8 so that probably minimum for me.

I'm a bit on the fence- I think 5/6 is too young but DS1 who is 10 asked yesterday to go and look in the 'geeky shop' in our local shopping centre (sells things like HP and Star Wars figurines, band T-shirts etc) instead of waiting with me and DS2 while DS2 tried on new school shoes, and I said yes without a second thought. Of course he might have hurt himself and needed the shop assistant's help but equally an adult might faint or something in a shop and need help? DS2 is 7 and I also let them both go ahead of me into the bookshop to browse the other week instead of waiting in a long queue to return something elsewhere. I know they won't mess around, and will only go where they're supposed to, and I knew even with the queue I'd catch up in 15 minutes max, so it feels like a bit of fairly safe freedom and independence to allow? Saying that though I don't think I'd have let DS2 go on his own yet...

Yep I've let mine do this too - I was desperate for the loo and at 10 and 7 they're much too old to come into the ladies with me, and tbh I thought they'd be safer and better occupied looking at stuff in the toy aisle in full view of other shoppers than hanging about in the hinterland around the loos.

As a child I was left in Waterstones for prolonged periods. I would grab a book and get stuck in. My mother would purchase the book when she returned.

As a mother myself, I would never ever do this. I was very affected by the James Bulger case and also Madeline McCann as a young adult and so I have a significant (probably irrational) fear of my children being left unattended. There was also the case more recently when two teenage girls took a 2 year old from Primark in Newcastle in 2016.

Personally I am worried about older children duping my child into going somewhere with them. The Newcastle case queried whether the teenagers were taking the child to a man who was grooming them for this purpose. This is exactly what I would be worried about. For me it’s not worth the risk.

My children can start to walk to school age 10 with their friends.

Surely a shopping mall has a security team and a system for radioing lost children? Could your DD ask her manager or approach the security team directly for help on what to do?

Takes me back to my days in Claire’s. Mums would leave the kids in the shop to go and do a full shop in the supermarket next door. Kids would wreak the shop parents come back and wouldn’t even buy a hair clip 🙄

Also just to add, I am aware that James Bulger was not left unattended, and neither was the Newcastle child. I don’t blame the parents at all in these situations. I am simply saying that these events left me with a fear of other people.

Sounds perfectly fine to me, anything under 8 is abit too young plus, I'm a super worrier! My dh said he used to be left there at 4 but it was the 80s .... saying that he's nice and quiet when interested in something, so I leave him near some man cave gadgets when I go clothes shopping and he's generally still there 4 hours later 😂

Exactly this

Also I work in a library we wouldn't allow children under 10 unaccompanied

Of course he might have hurt himself and needed the shop assistant's help but equally an adult might faint or something in a shop and need help?

I think this is also really true. I ran across the road to help a teenager a couple of weeks ago who I saw fall and sprain her ankle as she was crossing a road. A few months ago the school called an ambulance for a slightly older woman who collapsed outside the school (not a parent/carer). Just last week someone posted on our local facebook group in an attempt to find and thank a couple who found and helped the poster's elderly father who has dementia. Surely as a society we all look out for each other when rare and unusual things occur? So being upset that a child is left alone and might then need help if something bad happens is irrational as that's true for all of us.

Being annoyed if children are being left alone and are wrecking the place - totally fine.

If they are well behaved and not causing an issue what is the problem?

I used to volunteer at the library and we had this happen quite often! Parents would just go to the shopping centre next door and sneakily drop their kids off with us. I feel so sorry for these children. Most of them were surprisingly well behaved but also desperate for adult attention.

That being said my 6 year old often asks if she can play in the children's corner in the local supermarket and I usually let her. The exit is blocked by the checkouts and the supermarket is small enough that she can find me.

Is this really what you're going to spend today doing OP?

I would let an 8 -10 year old browse while I was next door but not any child younger than that. Even the best behaved 5 year old in the world can't be relied upon to stay where you put them and not wander off with a 'friendly' adult or other child!
And it's also true that shops aren't places for kids to play - they are for people to shop. It's not right to rely on random adults and shop workers to look out for them, even though most people would of course.

With my library example I do think there's a big difference between kids that are just left there and kids that are left there with their library card and the intention to checkout books.

It's a small nuance but it makes a big difference.

I have noticed this as well.

I don't think it's normal OP - and I was letting my DC go to the town with mates at 11 and half getting there and back themselves.

I was on a thread other day and many parents of teens or even adult kids were being tracked by apps - so maybe well behaved kids with phone with tracking apps are let out of sight more than they were a decade ago.

For me, the age I'd be comfortable with would be the age that I could a) trust the child to behave fairly well and b) be confident the child would be able to handle a fairly simple situation. Eg, child hurts themselves somehow, do they know my phone number so that an adult can call me or are they confident enough to sit quietly until I arrive or come to find me. DD and DS both proved they had the ability to manage a "crisis" in small ways which then encouraged us to allow them to have more independence. for example, when she was about 7, dd and DH accidentally got separated after the school run. All the other families had gone. DD had two obvious choices - go into the cafe near the school (which is practically an extension of the school and is a community hub) or go back to school. Either would have been a good choice but she went back to school, rang the bell to be let in and they called DH for her. She was very upset, but she managed to do the sensible thing and get help. I started to feel a lot more comfortable with letting her have a bit more independence after that.

I would let my 8 year old browse in one shop while I was at the shop next door but I would go no further and she would know where I was. Also it would be for max ten mins. She’s very confident though and would be more than happy to approach a member of staff if she had a problem. Younger than 8 I think would be too young, especially 5 year olds.

You would just leave them in the street alone then instead?

That’s interesting it’s over 8 where I am. My local library is in a community campus which does nursery- secondary. Lots of kids hang out there after school till parents collect or after school activity starts.

You are not obliged to check out books to use a library! Sitting and reading in the library is equally valid.

Yes I do get that. That's not what these kids were doing though.

I think parents can go in and find a book together with the kids and find a space for them to read. That is not what was happening though, kids would be dropped off at the door whilst the parents went to a completely different building.