Blocked on Insta

[Tiramisu78]

So not terribly proud of this but here goes...
Am a bit of a dreaded controlling, helicopter mum but have had to try to tone it down to give DD more independence and autonomy as she's over 18 now.
She is now 19 and has started going out with a 26 year old. I'm a bit uneasy about the age gap amongst other things. Anyway the guy's insta is public (related to his career - don't want to say much more as a bit outing.) I have therefore been doing the obvious helicopter mum thing and stalling the account to try to get a sense of his past life (in terms of number of girlfriends etc.)
The bugger had now gone and blocked me!!! Obviously none of this can be openly spoken about as I'd have to admit my role in the stalking to DD and she'd go ballistic. However I'm feeling really annoyed. He is here a lot and is quite prepared to take our hospitality knowing what he's done. I'm not sure if I'm pissed because I've been outmanoeuvred or just at the lack of respect and rudeness. Just make your account private if you're that bothered!
What do you think? Am I in the wrong or has he got something to hide??

Of course I'd never look at someone's wallet or phone but a public social media account is a bit different - it is public! I kind of get that it's not my call who DD dates whilst, looking at social media accounts as part of recruitment, is the company's decision. Just trying to get a sense of a bigger picture. There are a number of potential red flags which I can't really mention here as the profession he is in is extremely niche.

And if it was you starting a relationship (professional or otherwise) with him then that would make sense. But it’s not your relationship, it’s your daughter’s.

I kind of get that it's not my call who DD dates

You kind of get this? Kind of???

Jesus.

I am 6 years older than my DH - what's the issue? It's not like he is 20 and she is 13

I got together with my boyfriend when I was 18 he was 26, almost 30 years later still married and have 6 kids.

My DD is a very young 19. I agree that 7-8 years is not a huge age gap but at 19-26 their different life experience is very different. She has only basically been to school. He left school 8 years ago.

No. There is 12 years between me and my dh. We have a great relationship because let's face it - guys are more immature, so the age gap works well for us.

Leave your adult daughter alone, to live her life and mistakes otherwise you will be very lonely.

My DD was told by a friend that she couldn't bring him to a party at the weekend as his mum wasn't happy about a 26 year old man she didn't know being there with a bunch of 18 and 19 year olds so it's not just me!! Maybe I just know a lot of other weird people!

Obsessing over your daughters relationships is unhealthy for you and damaging to your relationship with your daughter.

It's not helicopter parenting, it's controlling and manipulating.

What if you had found something on his account that may have been concerning? From the way you write you'd be positively salivating and rubbing your thighs up and down with glee before reporting back to your daughter.

Step back and find some hobbies and interests of your own.

No, because they’re adults. Stop infantilising your daughter. It’s creepy. She’s a grown woman, not a little girl.

It's a wonder kids can dress themselves with attitudes such as this
Just like the Catherine Tate skit with the posh woman and her kids - scared of anything outside their 4 walls

She’s only a ‘young 19’ because of your ‘helicopter parenting’ which seems to involve treating your adult daughter like a child.

Shit...I stalk people all the time, can they tell when you've looked then ?

I have a 19yo DD and I can totally understand why you'd look at his Instagram @Tiramisu78. I bet he also has a flash car my money is on him being a footballer

TBH there's not a lot you can do, apart from keep welcoming the boyfriend to your house and pretend you really like him.

You're not exactly right but definitely on the right lines!

OP, if you don't back off then you'll be back on here in a year's time, asking why your DD doesn't want to come home and why she's keeping you at arm's length and telling you nothing about her life.

Fine to be worried, not fine to cyber stalk her boyfriend and justify it because social media checks are normal for you as part of recruitment screening!!

The more you push, the further she'll retreat. It also paints her into a corner because if she does have any concerns or wants advice, you're likely to be the last person she comes to.

Someone on MN recently posted one of the best bits of advice (apologies to the OP concerned, I cannot remember their name)
You are the welcoming committee, not the selection committee

Haha. I know. I wasn't actually planning to do anything with what I found out. Just the idea that to be forewarned is to be prepared!

@Tiramisu78 I think if you posted in a different topic, not AIBU, and said you'd looked at your DDs BFs public Instagram account and had some concerns about him and their relationship you'd get some very different replies.

You see your issue here is that you think you have some input into the screening process for your daughter’s boyfriends. You don’t. It’s absolutely none of your business.

I met my husband when I was 19 and he was about to turn 26. Ideal age gap for us and has never caused any issues at all.

When someone who I don’t follow watches my
instagram stories, I don’t get told who they are. I only see the names of the people who I follow / follow me, then it’ll say +98 instagram users, but doesn’t specify who they are.

I go against the grain here, I don’t think it’s wrong that you’ve looked at his instagram page a few times to learn more about him.

The age gap - I can’t say much as I married someone with the same age gap, at the same age as your daughter (20+ years ago, I know times
change).

Of course he is aware that anyone can view his Instagram. That’s why he’s blocked you. I would have blocked you too, in his position. Why should he have to think “But what will my girlfriend’s weird mum think?” every time he shares a story with his mates?

Ultimately, he is not a job applicant. He is an adult who happens to be dating another adult who happens to be your daughter. It is weird that you are obsessing over this.

I would add that it’s equally likely that it was actually your daughter who told him to block you. I would have asked him to block you, if you were my mum. She just wants to have a normal adult relationship that isn’t being monitored by her parents.

If she's been watching his stories for example, it tells you who's viewed them.

You sound jealous of your own daughter.
If you carry on op she will cut you off in the end and go no contact.

She’ll be ‘very young’ because you infantilise her. This is so problematic and toxic.