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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you're single and childless what do you do at the weekend?

331 replies

Britishsummertime22 · 18/08/2024 15:51

Finding weekends tough.

OP posts:
floatingislands · 19/08/2024 14:51

Lopity · 19/08/2024 14:39

I don't understand why you are continuing with this ridiculous attack. I said "exactly" referring to the fact that you don't know why I'm on this thread and don't know my personal circumstances.

I don't know why you keep bringing up domestic violence when it's completely irrelevant.

Please can you just leave me alone and we can get back to the helpful discussion of what people who are alone can do at weekends.

I am not attacking you, nor is anything I have posted "ridiculous".

I would deeply appreciate it if you would leave me alone, also. It's not as if I have been posting into a void, just refuting your mad claims. HTH.

daliesque · 19/08/2024 15:07

Do we need to hijack the thread with a debate about the safety of dog walkers?

When you're single and have a dog, you have to walk the dog on your own because, like with everything else, there's no one else to do it for or with you.

I'm not single now. I was in my 30's so I can talk about what I did at weekends then, but it's hardly relevant to single women jn their 40's and 50's. Besides, like every one in a relationship my memories of that time tend to be through rose tinted specs if he's being annoying, or more realistic (hard, lonely and despairing of a future relationship) if he's being adorable.

I don't understand the mindset whereby women who are married and have children think that they can possibly understand what it is like to be single and childless long term - ie past 30.

CobaltQueen · 19/08/2024 15:36

That really sums up how I feel @Bananachocs . Relationships, especially a bad one can be more lonely than actually being alone. It's when you have nobody to do the simple stuff with, like as someone said, chatting over a glass of wine, deep chats and a hug. Doesn't have to be a romantic partner in the least. And yes as a single and childless woman I do get sick of being told to join a club. I know realistically it's the only way of meeting new people but it's not as simplistic as that and doesn't solve the immediate feeling of aching loneliness.

BettyBardMacDonald · 19/08/2024 15:36

I was in my 30's so I can talk about what I did at weekends then, but it's hardly relevant to single women jn their 40's and 50's.

Am I alone in finding this rather offensive?

EBearhug · 19/08/2024 15:54

BettyBardMacDonald · 19/08/2024 15:36

I was in my 30's so I can talk about what I did at weekends then, but it's hardly relevant to single women jn their 40's and 50's.

Am I alone in finding this rather offensive?

Not that offensive, but what I did when single in my 30s isn't so different from what I did when single in my 40s and now 50s, so more puzzling. What has restricted me at different times is how much spare cash I have, more than my age.

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 19/08/2024 16:59

BettyBardMacDonald · 19/08/2024 15:36

I was in my 30's so I can talk about what I did at weekends then, but it's hardly relevant to single women jn their 40's and 50's.

Am I alone in finding this rather offensive?

I think any offensiveness is balanced by this bit, which is very reasonable.

Besides, like every one in a relationship my memories of that time tend to be through rose tinted specs if he's being annoying, or more realistic (hard, lonely and despairing of a future relationship) if he's being adorable.

I don't understand the mindset whereby women who are married and have children think that they can possibly understand what it is like to be single and childless long term.

HollaHolla · 19/08/2024 17:09

I'm in my 40s, and single, and (sadly) childless.
This weekend, it went like this:
Saturday:
Exercise class - AM
Home for shower, hair mask, pamper.
Met my Mum and went to a local festival in the afternoon, and had some street food there.

Sunday:
Bit of a lie in...
Brunch with a close friend
Wandered IKEA together
Home for dinner, laundry, etc.
Read my book until bedtime.

Not an entirely typical weekend, but I might otherwise go swimming, see other friends, go for a cycle, etc.
There's lots to do to keep yourself busy, happy and fulfilled. I hope that you find some comfort and happiness in the way forward.

Bellyblueboy · 19/08/2024 17:12

BettyBardMacDonald · 19/08/2024 15:36

I was in my 30's so I can talk about what I did at weekends then, but it's hardly relevant to single women jn their 40's and 50's.

Am I alone in finding this rather offensive?

I don’t find it offensive.

Lots of people here have been remembering their single pre children days with fondness. In the same way as I look back on my early twenties. Everybody was in the same boat - lots of people to socialise with - lots of fun group activities. An expectation it was a temporary time and who knew what the future might hold.

it bites differently when you are older - all those friends are in couples and have kids. You are older so (for some at least) your expectations for weekends broaden. And this is it - life stretches out infront of you - weekend after weekend.

this thread has reinforced a lot for me - and highlighted that a lot of people are in the same boat - and some people just can’t understand.

Bananachocs · 19/08/2024 17:30

CobaltQueen · 19/08/2024 15:36

That really sums up how I feel @Bananachocs . Relationships, especially a bad one can be more lonely than actually being alone. It's when you have nobody to do the simple stuff with, like as someone said, chatting over a glass of wine, deep chats and a hug. Doesn't have to be a romantic partner in the least. And yes as a single and childless woman I do get sick of being told to join a club. I know realistically it's the only way of meeting new people but it's not as simplistic as that and doesn't solve the immediate feeling of aching loneliness.

Yes definitely, I heard someone say something like when you’re single you realise no-one is there to witness the ordinary moments , and the every day ups and downs that make life so special.

I don’t miss my ex as such, and I was the one who ended it but I miss his hugs and having someone to watch movies with every weekend.

And yes as a single and childless woman I do get sick of being told to join a club

I’ve attended some meet ups in the past like book and brunch clubs, and I didn’t make any friends. Maybe I would’ve if I’d continued, but it’s quite hard to go back when you don’t find a friendly face you click with or someone you exchange numbers with the first time. I ended up feeling even more lonely!

Thursdaygirl · 19/08/2024 17:45

I’ve attended some meet ups in the past like book and brunch clubs, and I didn’t make any friends. Maybe I would’ve if I’d continued, but it’s quite hard to go back when you don’t find a friendly face you click with or someone you exchange numbers with the first time. I ended up feeling even more lonely!

I get this - I’ve been to places that don’t feel friendly and it’s far worse than being home alone! But plenty of groups feel good, right from the start.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2024 17:59

EBearhug · 18/08/2024 20:16

I'm in my 50s, and it's getting easier to meet up with friends who had children, because most of those kids are now off doing their own things, work and uni, or at least can be left alone at home. So stage of life does make a difference.

Yes, the thirties were harder.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2024 18:02

Coastalcreeksider · 19/08/2024 09:44

Friends with kids often mean you don't have much contact as they are busy with home lives.

I've found though it's when friends become grandparents it has become even harder to meet up if you are single with no kids.

I see my friends who are grandparents hardly at all these days as they do so much child minding especially during school holidays. They're constantly on call to help out often at very short notice and sometimes have to cancel the chance of us meeting up or going out somewhere. Hey ho! 🙁

Oh no :(

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2024 18:06

EBearhug · 19/08/2024 15:54

Not that offensive, but what I did when single in my 30s isn't so different from what I did when single in my 40s and now 50s, so more puzzling. What has restricted me at different times is how much spare cash I have, more than my age.

Personally in my late 40s I can't go out as much as I did in my 30s. I think that's quite normal.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/08/2024 18:07

Thursdaygirl · 19/08/2024 17:45

I’ve attended some meet ups in the past like book and brunch clubs, and I didn’t make any friends. Maybe I would’ve if I’d continued, but it’s quite hard to go back when you don’t find a friendly face you click with or someone you exchange numbers with the first time. I ended up feeling even more lonely!

I get this - I’ve been to places that don’t feel friendly and it’s far worse than being home alone! But plenty of groups feel good, right from the start.

I was in a group for almost ten years where it took me a whole year to feel comfortable!

FeelingLost86 · 19/08/2024 18:15

Recently single and childless
This is early days for me but I went to bingo the weekend
Even went to the cinema on my own

I found it very tough as all still new, so I cried a lot.
But I used to go to bingo a lot Sundays before I met my partner... well, ex partner

MsChampagne · 19/08/2024 18:32

I'm neither single or childless but I bloody wish I was sometimes!

In between working as I was before stay at home full time mothering chapter began, I was:

• reading
• writing
• making jewellery
• cooking and baking,
• inviting friends for lunch or going round theirs for dinner
• investing time and money in self-pampering
• travelling
• and when I had time, sleeping!

My advice? Biased and very unpopular - live your life single and childless. You'll be happier.

Bellyblueboy · 19/08/2024 18:35

Aw @MsChampagne you haven’t read the full thread sure you haven’t!

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 19/08/2024 18:55

Bellyblueboy · 19/08/2024 18:35

Aw @MsChampagne you haven’t read the full thread sure you haven’t!

No, she hasn’t.

Threetrees745 · 19/08/2024 19:02

People that have recommended travel or city breaks... would you honestly do that on your own? I think that would make me feel worse and remind me of all the couples on romantic breaks and families on nice holidays... meanwhile people recommending you go traipse round Berlin yourself with no one to talk to, you may as well save your money and just stay home.
That's how I felt at that time in my life anyway.

Thursdaygirl · 19/08/2024 19:08

MsChampagne · 19/08/2024 18:32

I'm neither single or childless but I bloody wish I was sometimes!

In between working as I was before stay at home full time mothering chapter began, I was:

• reading
• writing
• making jewellery
• cooking and baking,
• inviting friends for lunch or going round theirs for dinner
• investing time and money in self-pampering
• travelling
• and when I had time, sleeping!

My advice? Biased and very unpopular - live your life single and childless. You'll be happier.

A rather tone-deaf response

Thursdaygirl · 19/08/2024 19:10

Threetrees745 · 19/08/2024 19:02

People that have recommended travel or city breaks... would you honestly do that on your own? I think that would make me feel worse and remind me of all the couples on romantic breaks and families on nice holidays... meanwhile people recommending you go traipse round Berlin yourself with no one to talk to, you may as well save your money and just stay home.
That's how I felt at that time in my life anyway.

No, I would never have done that on my own. I don’t know anyone that would!

EBearhug · 19/08/2024 19:10

People that have recommended travel or city breaks... would you honestly do that on your own?

I've travelled half the world alone. I joined a trip crossing Africa, but I didn't know anyone before we met in Nairobi. I've done lots of European trips. I like a city break by myself- I do just what I want.

If I didn't travel alone, I would never have been anywhere.

largeeyes · 19/08/2024 19:12

People that have recommended travel or city breaks... would you honestly do that on your own?

Yes, I have done. It was either that or not go anywhere and why should I have missed out just because I hadn't yet met a partner?

Auburngal · 19/08/2024 19:14

My ‘weekend’ is Thursday and Friday. I go to the gym, go out for the day or part day (at least once a month), do grocery shopping, litter pick as part of my litter group, read, play computer games, catch up on tv etc. Then cook a meal

Threetrees745 · 19/08/2024 19:15

largeeyes · 19/08/2024 19:12

People that have recommended travel or city breaks... would you honestly do that on your own?

Yes, I have done. It was either that or not go anywhere and why should I have missed out just because I hadn't yet met a partner?

That's interesting. Did you enjoy it? I love travelling but I would feel sad and self conscious on my own.