Random stranger sat on my table at a dinner and tribute act show

[Prontehpronto]

Hi, I went to a dinner and ABBA tribute act tonight on my own (family out of town and no one else to go with). I was having a lovely time, a stranger asked if he could take the extra chair,I said yes cos I thought he was going to pick it up and take it, he proceeded to sit down! He asked why I was on my own,I said hubby was away and I thought I'd enjoy a show, he started telling me about his divorce etc, he was older, 62, seemed not weird and just overly friendly father like figure, but when the shoe carried on he didn't move!!! I said aren't your friends going to miss you, he was like its fine!! I ignored him and turned away, I'm pissed cos he didn't go away and plus I had paid extra for VIP tickets at a table at the front. His friend cane to give him a drink, I thought bloody hell no way,told him not to put the drink down on my table and can you go back with your friends. Bloody ruined my night abit, why did he do that, and how should I have handled it. He prob was harmless but he shouldn't have approached a lone female I don't think and then not gone away!!!

I used to travel on my own for work a lot. I didn't always want room service and so eat out (and on days off had a drink- yes a woman on her own). I developed a very hard Paddington stare and a way of saying no insert whatever ridiculous demand was being made of me that emanated contempt and I still got blokes who couldn't take a hint. I'm older now and go away solo for walking/wild swimming adventures/pub lunches and I am so bored of having to justify my solo existence/act as a temporary salve to some blokes social incompetence. Go away I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to make polite chit chat because you see that as a green light to talk shit at me for 45 min, I don't need to 'cheer up love', I don't need directions or advice and you don't need to know my marital status/whereabouts of my husband or his views on my solo trip. It's really really annoying. This time is so precious to me and I hate that it gets interrupted by this shit. It's also crap for all the normal men whom you could have a polite 10 min exchange with because now I don't want to talk to any of the fuckers. How can you be so socially inept? If a woman wants to chat she'll make eye, contact smile at you, make further eye contact and (shocking I know) may even approach you. If not leave her the fuck alone.

Suggested response to "is this seat taken?"
"You are welcome to take it away to your table"

Men are perfectly capable of socialising with each other. Not every single human interaction should be based on sexual attraction.

That's exactly what I was thinking!

But OP assumed that he was taking the seat away so she didn't have a pre prepared response.
I hate this idea that we as women are responsible for repelling these creeps. Surely the onus should be on them not to approach, or I get the whole keeping the species argument so be ready to back off without being insulted or commenting negatively if the woman is not interested.

Yes OP it was your VIP seat, not you. Don't flatter yourself that this much older man chuntering on about his saddo divorce is trying it on with you. He just wants a comfier seat to watch an Abba tribute band.

Seriously were some of you born in a cabbage patch, that you can't recognise the oldest chat up approach in the book.

I do agree. Was just pondering a clearer way of communicating "go away and leave me alone" for future use.
He absolutely should have taken the hint and gone.

Given age of the man, he came of age in the 80s…. Women were not supplicant handmaidens then!! So not a ‘ generational thing’ so much as an entitled prick trying it on thing. There are tossers like that at all ages. I see it coming in boy children I meet too to be honest!

But it shouldn't be!!

They also were told to go away if not wanted.

I wish all 'blame it on the generation' posts were banned!

He was of the punk/new romantics generation not something from the 50s

'Chivalrous'? 😂

Bizarre, isn't it?

I can't tell if it's genuine naivety or internalised misogyny prompting them to make excuses for the 'poor man'.

OP you handled it well and YANBU to be pissed off. I'm so tired of this shit too.

Deleted because I can’t read!

Thank you @shuggles for illustrating beautifully what me and many other posters were getting at. And proving us right. The nosey intrusive pushy MAN sat with the OP, because he intending on hitting on her. If it was just a case of 'a human talking to another human,' (as a poster said last night!) he would have sat down with the lone MAN who was near the OP.

But he didn't DID he? He sat next to a woman who he suspected would be more compliant and weak, and who he could hopefully get to shag later.

How wrong he was!

To have the confidence of a mediocre man would be a wonderful thing. This man was self-centred and ignorant. I doubt he was saving you from being alone. He may have convinced himself he was doing you a favour with his unsparkling company.

Good for you for telling him to take his drink back to his own table.

Going out alone is not strange. I go out when I'm working away, for the dinner and occasionally to the cinema. I take a Kindle out with me when I go for dinner, mostly to deter other people. I leave by a reasonable time because drunk men can be bothersome. I am a very ordinary, middle aged woman.

A lot of women in my company, including colleagues in very senior roles, have sandwiches or room service because they do not feel safe going out to dinner alone.

rookiemere · Today 11:15

Yes yes OP it was your VIP seat, not you. Don't flatter yourself that this much older man chuntering on about his saddo divorce is trying it on with you. He just wants a comfier seat to watch an Abba tribute band.

Seriously were some of you born in a cabbage patch, that you can't recognise the oldest chat up approach in the book.

This made me titter.

And yes the man old enough to be the OP's dad, in his head is still 39, and actually thought the attractive younger woman would fall for his patter.

LMFAO! 😆

What's odd about it? I often go to things on my own.

That's it. The vitriol has come out in some posters posts (incl mine) because the majority of women are just sick to the back teeth of men thinking they can just do what the fuck they want, hit on any woman they like, and that women should stop anything they're doing, and talk to them. Also, many men think that women owe them their attention and a conversation, along with deep gratitude if a MAN shows them a teeny tiny fraction of attention!

I don't want the attention of men, (particularly men I don't know,) I don't need it, and I hate it. I often pretend I am speaking to someone on my phone when I am out for a walk and I see a man approaching in the distance, so I don't have to be talked at by him for 10 minutes.

Exactly @Zow and I find it even more annoying when it happens now as I am in my 50s and surely at the stage where I can have a conversation with someone without it descending into a sexual come on. Due to my age and average level of attractiveness I can only assume it's because they try it on with everyone that they can.

It's difficult because it makes me wary of making conversation with a man if I happen to be on my own, and as I say mid 50s I thought I would be beyond worrying about that - although I am much better at spotting the signals and closing it down very quickly- and the majority of men are not like this.

Very ageist statement.Not all men of that age are like that.Junior boomers and brought up as feminists.You will find men of all ages behaving like that.

No the comments are absolutely not sociopathic. I have had far too many incidents in my lifetime, of random men feeling entitled to my time and attention and corralling me into unwelcome conversations, to be anything but cynical now. Happy to chat to anyone in public places if inclined, but I follow my gut feeling when something is 'off' and I don't care if I seem rude.

The idea that he was being 'chivalrous' makes me scoff as well. IME chivalry is often paper thin and some of these men can get very angry once you make it clear you are not interested and are not going to say and do what they want you too. Because there is absolutely no genuine respect for women underpinning that 'chivalry'.

One of the wonderful things about being older is being mostly ignored by these types now and being (hooray!) invisible.

But OP told him she was married so...

Completely agree.

😂 I hope and pray this is a joke post! 😆

It's not polite to invite yourself onto someone else's table

It's not polite to keep talking when the OP turned her back to him and made it clear she wasn't interested in communicating

It's not polite to continue to intrude by insisting she get up and dance.

It's irritating and rude