To be suspicious about DH

[JustMissNobody]

i can’t sleep and been going out of my mind all day wondering what the hell is going on and what to do. DH announced he was taking a week off on Friday out of the blue, he’s self employed. No mention of intentions of doing so prior to this. And then followed this with he thinks he’ll go away for a few days or a week. I was dumbstruck.

firstly because this is so far out of character to just take time off without mentioning anything prior and I’ve asked about us going away so many times just for even a couple of days if he can’t take a week off and he’s consistently told me he can’t because of work, or other commitments. His other commitments have also been miraculously dealt with too. So from telling me on Friday afternoon, he’s booked a holiday leaving Sunday morning for 5 days, and all this as apparently been dealt with with no pre planning.

its so not like him and going away solo? I never dreamed in a million years he’d be someone that could do that, he’s not a very social person, doesn’t go out drinking etc. I asked him if he was going with someone and he totally went off the deep end. He went upstairs about 2.30 this afternoon packing for his trip and he’s been sat in the bedroom ever since and refusing to speak to me. I’m now in the spare room because he’s still got a face on with me and ignoring me. WTAF?

Excellent, in that case enjoy your spa break! You’re right, your name is on the rent book and you have every right to reenter the home you pay the rent for. Call 999 if you feel threatened by him.

Really good to hear you're being proactive about this, OP. You deserve so much better.

I agree with the above - I'd be cautious about sharing much (if anything) with your DD in the coming days, sad to say.

I’ve tried something along those lines before they won’t give any information or issue anything due to DP laws 🙄😂

They can’t post paper statements to the house?

So sorry OP. This sounds so stressful and you don’t deserve this. Your DH is so irresponsible, he could me up hurt, have a medical episode and you’d be none the wiser.

if you’re able to maybe book a spa break for a couple of days to distract and treat yourself.

Apparently I can apply for a divorce online on the .gov website 🤔

What if he died or was critically ill, how would you get all his financial information

You mentioned another DC, OP. Do they know about all this? Would they support you?

Sorry you're having to go through such crap. 😞

You’re right, they’ll just send verification codes to his phone and he’ll know he’s being investigated.

How awful op. He sounds like a selfish arsehole

Not without speaking directly to the account holder. Secretary or PA in my case didn’t cover it haha

Make an appointment with a solicitor op.

You need one with him.

@JustMissNobody You seem to be thinking more positively now… you sound as though you have found your fight, good for you, as others have all advised, you firstly need to get some legal advice and hide any assets as he sounds as though he has been planning these actions well ahead by obtaining a passport and silencing phone around you. I think you sound like a level headed lovely patient woman who totally deserves to be treated at the very least with respect.. whatever his reasoning for dropping this tsunami of stress on you ….. he has not for 1 second thought about your MH, he sounds like he has mentally, financially and now emotionally totally disregarded your feelings and stuck the V’s up to any of his wedding vows… i noticed you said you have very few friends and family for support… i would love to have a friend like you. i am up for any support you may need and would really like to know the outcome to all this, so please keep us posted… sending hugs and support and friendship if wanted? 🙂

Glad you’re getting to grips with it all. He sounds awful and he’s done quite the job on your DD if she thinks this is okay. See a solicitor asap and get the ball rolling on the divorce. What an utter dick.

I'd change the locks before he gets back and tell your dd that if she lets him in, she can pack her bags too.

Well done for making the decision to leave him. Don't let him have any power over you anymore. Take back all your strength and your inner fire!

I didn’t even know he was that techie 😮 seems there’s really not much I do know about him or he just plays dumb for my benefit!

And whatever story he spins the hardest bit is realising that they are not your friend and you can’t trust them at all. The years don’t matter he’s clearly always been looking out for himself.

I doubt she could do that, her h has taught his daughter to be cruel to his wife.

This is incredibly abusive.

Unfortunately op will have to fall out with her daughter before it get's any better, only when op is totally free from this man can their relationship get back to be anything like normal.

The thing is op, if you do manage to escape and end the union I would bet my bottom dollar he would no longer be interested in your daughter because she serves no purpose then, which is to harm you.

What a cockwomble and your daughter probably knows more then she’s letting on fingers crossed you get some answers on Friday but I’m doubtful you will

Questions op.

Are you still intimate with him and has he ever been physically abusive towards you, or shown signs that he could be capable of being so.

Has he ever frightened you ?

Just go. Don't tell your DD. Just disappear. You don't owe her an explanation.

I wouldn’t even know where to begin. He has a private pension that he’s been paying into for yrs that I’ve only just recently found out about. I have no idea where he keeps any paperwork. Hes self employed, home based so doesn’t have an office elsewhere so I know it’s not kept at another premises. It must be here somewhere I just have no idea where. All mine/family/important docs are kept in a file box that everyone knows about and where it is if it’s ever needed. I just don’t understand him at all. Everything is just starting to blow my mind about what the hell life have I been living 🤷‍♀️

OP sorry if i’ve missed something, and I know all the signs point to an affair - but do you actually know that for sure? Only because of course he’s going to ask for evidence when you confront him so he can try and get out of it first! Again, sorry if i’ve missed this part of the thread! x

Where does he work? Does he have an office? Could you get info from there?

Sorry - cross post 🤦‍♀️