To hate travelling in the car with my DH and to refuse to travel with him anywhere again?

[flowergirl24]

Just on our way back from holiday. My DH has been winding me up so much by his driving. He thinks he’s a good driver. He really isn’t. He’s constantly trying to overtake other vehicles, he drives too fast and too erratically. I have 3DC in the back and I hate the way he drives. He pulls out in front of others, beeps them and is aggressive. He doesn’t stop when the children need a wee unless I’m really persuasive. When I get back, I’d like to tell him that I don’t ever want to go in a vehicle with him again.

If I drive, he’ll constantly tell me to pull out now, go or to speed up. I hate it. Also, I bought his car. Would like to take it off him tbh.

Not that all bad drivers are abusers. But every abuser I have met (which is a lot because of work) drives like this.

Have a dash cam fitted, one he can't take out, or better still when his insurance is due for renewal, get one with a discount based on continued use of the dash cam. The you can evidence his stupidity!

For me , the fact he won't stop to let the kids wee is outrageous and its mental/physical cruelty. I would record him on my phone for when I divorce him as you know he is a bully and whilst as an adult it is your choice whether or not to accept it, bullying and putting children at risk is non negotiable - it needs to stop. Their welfare is paramount and he is an unfit parent - sorry strong words I know, but you need to protect your children. You know this, you know its not right and if you need validation for your train of thought, you have it from multiple responses here.

In this situation the man is bullied his wife into buying him the car and is using it to abuse her. What I wrote then doesn’t stand since the OP’s update.

As a general point, I would see it as a form of control. If a man took away his wife’s car because he didn’t like how she drove it, is that OK or is that controlling, isolating and financially abusive? It’s enforcing an inequality on the lower earner which is antithesis of “equal contribution” and partnership in a marriage.

Taking away the car is a high earner’s flex and using “their” money as a means of demeaning their partner and asserting their authority.

Take him off the insurance and never allow him to drive your car again, and then divorce him. Think about the example this twat is making for your kids.

Did you even read her post? "he drives too fast and too erratically. I have 3DC in the back and I hate the way he drives. He pulls out in front of others, beeps them and is aggressive."

"To hate travelling in the car with my DH and to refuse to travel with him anywhere again?"
So no, I don't expect her to hurl herself and her kids onto the verge. I'm answering the question she asked and saying she is not being unreasonable to not want to travel with him in the future, travelling with him would be the unreasonable choice. Not sure exactly what your problem is, but how about you read OPs post before coming at me with your ill informed comments.

Take both cars. You drive with the kids and tell him that you'll meet him wherever it is you're going..

Line up your ducks. Start planning. I know you are worried about the DC, but is he likely to want them a lot? Lots of dads are easily bored and if you don’t make a fuss they tend to gradually stop bothering.

To be fair, when the scales fall from our eyes, when we see something that crystallises everything that’s wrong, that final straw, it’s never what you think it will be.

@flowergirl24 you know what you need to do.

Don't go in the car if he's driving.

When you drive inform him that silence is golden but duct tape is silver.

Report him for dangerous driving. If he drinks and drives give him some beer, ask him to get something and rat him out.

Then divorce him as no one wants to be stuck with a bully.

Well done for doing this!

I was collect evidence of this, eg filming him/ putting an app on your phone to record when he drives but also film yourself in the passenger seat that day .

Then when you leave him you'll have some evidence to apply for a specifics issues order that he doesn't drive your children without a black box or similar as he is unsafe.

My ex was similar and I have no proof so can't stop him driving our baby and I am always terrified he will crash and hurt him but I can't do anything about it.

When you drive inform him that silence is golden but duct tape is silver

genius @TeaGinandFags

My dad wouldn't stop if we were hungry or needed a wee when we were on long journeys unless it suited him. Even when we were in our late teens going to university open days. I remember my brother passed out once from hunger. He and my mum would also threaten to make us get out and walk and sometimes did put my brother out. It was awful and I would never do that to my children. My mum complained to me that my brother put her out to walk once and tbh, that was her reaping what she sowed.

Sell it. Buy a better one for you. He can buy his own fucking car.

He's a bully you say, but is he abusive n other ways too? I bet he is.

If she was driving dangerously with her children in the car, I’d say that would be ok if he took it away

Who owns the car ? If you own it stop him driving it! But also question why you are with a bully who puts your children at risk and doesn't meet their needs?

YANBU. My husband is like this. I told him yesterday… “if you ever crash this vehicle with us in it by doing your dickhead driving, I will divorce you in a heartbeat and fucking destroy everything we have worked to build.” That seemed to do the trick. I won’t tolerate him putting out lives at risk because he is impatient but constantly running late himself. I will now remind him of this every time he’s an idiot on the road; that his cargo is the most precious thing in the world and he needs to chill his beans.

and it’s not an empty threat, he KNOWS I’m 100% serious about this. I will destroy him and walk away from our marriage and everything we have achieved and built together and it will crumble around him like a sandcastle under a child’s foot.

Leave him and take the car.

who pays the insurance? Are you on it? I’d get him a black box policy and let him be voided so he can’t get insured again 🙊

lol

Can't you insist that when you drive together, you drive?

Hi,

Look into « road rage » and literally how to bring it up in case of divorce. How to make sure he isn’t allowed… of course you can’t force him but if there is a restriction then you will have a leg to stand on.

good luck 🌺

Aggressive driving is standard in aggressive men. Get this one binned.

"But the problem is, I will never be able to stop him driving the children will I? If we split up, he’ll be even worse with the children."

OP, I totally understand why you're saying this. People leaping to LTB are obviously correct but clearly you feel your mental health will be worse leaving the children with him for periods without you. I totally respect your desire to protect them even at a cost to your own happiness. But do leave him as soon as they are old enough to manage time with him without you. Don't lose your whole life to a bully. They will see him for what he is in time.

You told her she was being irresponsible!