To hate travelling in the car with my DH and to refuse to travel with him anywhere again?

[flowergirl24]

Just on our way back from holiday. My DH has been winding me up so much by his driving. He thinks he’s a good driver. He really isn’t. He’s constantly trying to overtake other vehicles, he drives too fast and too erratically. I have 3DC in the back and I hate the way he drives. He pulls out in front of others, beeps them and is aggressive. He doesn’t stop when the children need a wee unless I’m really persuasive. When I get back, I’d like to tell him that I don’t ever want to go in a vehicle with him again.

If I drive, he’ll constantly tell me to pull out now, go or to speed up. I hate it. Also, I bought his car. Would like to take it off him tbh.

But the whole ‘I bought the car so want to take it away because until he behaves’ unreasonable.

Yes, I agree with that and I realise that’s true. However, it feels like a huge smack in the face when I bought him the car and let him drive it while I have a much cheaper second hand car. He then behaves like this. It makes me want to sell his car and buy a better one for me.

He sounds awful. I think it says a lot about not just his driving, but him as a person. I really would not want my children thinking this is normal.

Well there is clearly a lot going on here?

If he’s a bully then make a plan to leave

Don’t use his driving as an excuse - they are his kids and he will drive them anyway, assuming he can afford a car - so perhaps sell this one now.

This thread isn't about his driving and you hating it is it?

It's about something bigger and more wrong with your marriage.

Reflect on that.

My ex husband was a terrifying driver. He was also hugely arrogant and there was no talking to him. He frightened several people who had been passengers with him and was infamous amongst everybody who knew him.
Eventually I refused to travel with him if he was driving. If I drove he criticised me all the time for being too slow, not overtaking etc but at least I could control speed. Mostly I would take my own car and meet him somewhere. Once he insisted on driving my car and when reversing refused to heed my warning that he was about to hit something, went on to hit it damaging my car and then told me it was my fault for distracting him.

Thankfully I don’t have to accommodate his behaviour any more. How he hasn’t killed someone or himself I don’t know.
He has only had two lots of speeding tickets but that is pure luck.
Prioritise the safety of yourself and your children over your husband’s ego.

It sounds like you've got bigger problems than the driving.

I would swap cars. Or sell both cars and have a family car and a small car. He can drive the small car by himself and you drive the family car.

Or better still, get rid of him altogether.

No he's abusive

Then his driving is the least of your problems. Could he be doing it to frighten you or show you who’s in charge?

Can you tell us a bit more about his general behaviour? I originally said he sounded like a plonker but I think the driving could be symptomatic of a more serious pattern of behaviours.

It's absolutely not unreasonable to take away the car.

Sell it and use the money to get around via Uber and public transport.

You have to prioritize your children's safety. And mental health.

You had three children with this arsehole, I can't help but wonder why.

He will kill someone one day with that type of driving. He needs to go for more driving lessons and anger management lessons. If he refuses then leave. Your life and your DC should not be put at risk.

You need to have a very straight talk with him about his driving and your concerns about safety but it sounds like he is not going to take any of it on board. He sounds incredibly arrogant. It is a real worry about the children. You can put your foot down and not travel with him and you can express your concerns about the children travelling with him, but I don't see how you can stop him from taking them places. Very worrying.

The driving is not the issue, as has been clearly pointed out by others.

Obviously you are at your wits end and worn down by this bully bastard.

By the sound of it he likely criticises you in all aspects of life, thinks he knows it all and coerces/bullies you into doing things you don't want to.

Think hard about what the issues are - try and get a perspective by speaking to a friend. It’s likely his long term arsey-ness has skewed your perception of what normal behaviour is.

Good luck OP x

Agree. My dad used to do this, to us and to my mum as well. Really shitty behaviour on top of eveyrthing else.

So… I think. You need to plan leaving him. Your children will thank you for it.

Why did you buy him a car that’s better than your own? Do you earn more than him?

Honestly put your foot down and say he can’t drive the children and consider your entire relationship. If he won’t stop I would get my phone out and record him and tell him you are recording and send it to yourself. The police and social services would be interested. Please don’t put yourself in danger by doing this though - better to leave and be alive than stay and be dead.

My father did this all of my childhood. I grew up shaking to get in the car. He loved and enjoyed seeing my mother and us - screaming to stop or that he was going to kill us. It was part of all of the control.

He would literally do stuff like brake hard or be 2 inches off a bumper.

As an adult it has taken me a long time to trust another driver and my DP with everything.

HRTFT. I put YABU because the first time he behaved like that, risking, not only yours, but your DC's lives you should have never got in a car with him again. LTB if you have to. I can't imagine it's the only area of your lives he's a prick in.

Yes but at the moment you are complicite, If he stil does it afterwards you can telll the kids that you dont think he's a good driver.
However, (and I don't think this is the case), My dad had the issue driving of really being anxious and not liking driving but was brought up to believe that women area driven by men, As I say I don't think this is the case here.

Absolutely don't put up with this. My DH used to have the attitude of 'I'm driving and I'll do it how I like' until I threatened to open my passenger door if he didn't slow down. He knows me well enough to know I'd do it, so he changed his fucking attitude. I will not be treated like a hostage when someone is driving dangerously.

Are you the registered keeper of the car, with your name on the documentation?
if it's over three years old you could always SORN it.... (make a statutory off-road notification) .
It would then be illegal to drive it. And sell it at your leisure seeing as you own another, albeit 'lesser' car.

Next time OP, you drive. Tie him up, put a nappy on him (you wont be stopping if he needs to go) and stick him him the boot (joking of course😇)

💯 this !Don't take risks with your darling children!

My abusive ex refused to stop at services before because i needed the toilet. Drove right past them and laughed at me.

He was a dick. your husband is a dick. How can you stand by while he treats your children that way?

Why did you buy him a car when you must've already known what his driving was like ?