To hate travelling in the car with my DH and to refuse to travel with him anywhere again?

[flowergirl24]

Just on our way back from holiday. My DH has been winding me up so much by his driving. He thinks he’s a good driver. He really isn’t. He’s constantly trying to overtake other vehicles, he drives too fast and too erratically. I have 3DC in the back and I hate the way he drives. He pulls out in front of others, beeps them and is aggressive. He doesn’t stop when the children need a wee unless I’m really persuasive. When I get back, I’d like to tell him that I don’t ever want to go in a vehicle with him again.

If I drive, he’ll constantly tell me to pull out now, go or to speed up. I hate it. Also, I bought his car. Would like to take it off him tbh.

Why do you need this awful man in your life? Why can’t he buy his own car?

@flowergirl24 is the car in your name??? you can certainly stop him driving your car. just take him off your insurance!!

I was married to one of these creatures. Honestly, I held off on divorce because the thought of him road tripping with the kids to Europe during ‘his’ holiday time with them absolutely terrified me. He ran over my mother’s foot once, nearly hit our child backing out the drive, despite sensors, and would tear off with the back passenger door open- kids were strapped in but too small to pull the door shut. They’re all big and grown now but he was a real asshole when they were little. I’d be running behind the car and shouting at him to stop (so that I could get into the passenger seat for our ‘family day out’- hell on wheels in every sense). Really twisted fucker. Tip of the iceberg is an understatement.

He won’t listen to you. Absolutely take over the driving! That’s where you start for now. How old are the kids, OP? It’s horribly stressful living with bullies.

Does he have to drive for work? What is it going to do to his and your lifestyle if he ends up losing his job because he gets banned?
However overwhelmingly the most important thing is, of course, the safety aspect. Unless he agrees to change (unlikely) how can you continue like this? I get your concern that, if you split, he would then be driving the DC without you; I don’t know much about them but I’ve heard of a prohibited steps order - could one be used to stop him driving the DC?
I’m also another person thinking that his bullying would not be confined to his driving style and you and the DC will be much happier in the long run without him.

That's abusive, my Dad used to do it.

You aren’t stopping him now.

It's illegal unless you are telling someone you are there e.g. someone is about to hit you.
Generally kids can hold on till next service station or whatever (and you don't want to be stopping on a verge etc). But I wouldn't ask to stop, I'd say 'stop at the next service station' - with rider, 'otherwise I'll wet my knickers and you can clean the seat, thanks'.
Have never had a DH act in this way (despite ex being a rubbish driver). This man sounds like a complete twerp.

You seem to have saddled yourself and your children with an arsehole. You need to get rid of him.

Why did you ever get into a car with him again??

My sister complains of her husband in similar terms. Otherwise he's a mild mannered gent but something changes when he's behind the wheel.

Did he drive like that in a second hand cheaper car like yours?

What didn’t he buy his own car?

Surely both cars are family cars. Tell him you are driving ‘his’ half the time.

Is there a male relative he would listen to? You shouldn’t have to think about that but often twatty male drivers are the twatty sort of men who will listen to men but not women. It’s all part of problem.

After my DH did 110 down the motorway in a battered old Saab with me and DS in it I have refused to ever get in a car with him again. YANBU.

Also men using aggressive driving as a weapon is a form of abuse that does not get spoken about enough

I literally have the same. My father was the same. I can’t stand it and on the whole refuse to get in a car with him unless it’s my car and I’m driving.

Not letting the children use a bathroom is horrific. Cruel even.

There's honestly nothing worse than a full bladder on a long journey.

You are putting yourself and your children in danger by driving with him, you are being irresponsible by allowing him to drive any of you.

I know someone who drives like this - it matches his personality. Seems nice enough at first but underneath is a narcissistic bully who has to be king of his castle. Bit like a nastier flavour of Ronnie Pickering, and his wife looked like she had been through that experience before.

Plan to leave. If you take the car then he won't be able to drive your children. Speak to women's aid.

Absolutely this.
It's terrifying and disgusting.

https://www.thepersonalgrowthproject.com/blog/the-abuser-in-the-car
Scaring you by his driving is a form of abuse.

Sadly it won't only be his life on the line, how about all the other drivers and passengers on the road?

Then you need to plan your exit strategy.
And I’d record him in the car so he can’t claim he has the children.
My father was like this when driving and when my mother was driving. I can remember her driving into the back of a car, luckily at low speed, because he was trying to blast the horn while she was driving. DH and I went in the car with our dc once with my father driving and both said never again as soon as we got home.

And if she separates from him and he gets court ordered contact how exactly does she stop him driving them?

Snd what is she supposed to do, half way home on a journey where he won’t stop? Hurl herself and her kids out on to the verge? What sport should the car be travelling to escape your accusation of irresponsible? Would 30 mph be ok?

She bought it and he drives it like a total shit, I don’t think it’s abusive or controlling to take it off him tbh. He can get his own car if he wants to drive like a 17 year old boy racer 🤷‍♀️

Is there a dash cam in the car? maybe fit one (need a bit of a smoke and mirror story why - in case of accident & it makes insurance easier to sort etc) and then you have evidence of it should you need it.

He doesn't care about his children in the car, anyone else isn't going to factor into any argument he'll hear.