AIBU re DH

[Highnone]

having had a really difficult few weeks at work DH and I had a heart to heart and he agreed that he needed to pull his weight a bit more.
was promised a lovely evening tonight, my favourite drink ready and a nice dinner.
he has form for not listening to what I actually want and getting food etc that I don’t really like.
I explained clearly what I wanted (vodka, soda and lime)
home after work, he has bought lime and mint cordial and tonic water. I pointed out that this wasn’t what I wanted.
Big sigh, him pissed off and says I’m ungrateful. Big argument followed with me saying I’m sick of not being listened too
He has decided to go out and watch the kids play sport and left me to it. (This wasn’t the plan)
Amongst my sheer frustration I told him if he goes out I won’t be here when he gets back, said I was sick of it all.
I want to follow through on this but am
mindful I am ranging and full of emotion at the moment.

I feel like there's a massive backstory

If you issue ultimatums, you need to be prepared to follow through. Or what’s the point, he will know the next time it’s just words you don’t mean. Depends on what’s actually going on here I think..

Sounds frustrating.

However, stomping off isn't going to solve anything.

It'll just inconvenience you and probably worry the kids.

What is it with all these horrible, selfish men at the moment?

Why would anyone get food and drink they know their partner didn't like and then shout and sulk afterwards?

Pack a bag and spend the weekend elsewhere.

If you issue an ultimatum you have to follow through

Book yourself into the nearest Premier Inn for the night.

Order a vodka, lime and soda and whatever you want for dinner. Have a good sleep. He's got the kids and he failed to uphold his end of the bargain.

There isn’t a huge back story, it’s more just that I feel that DH doesn’t really make the effort. If this was reversed I would make sure everything was perfect. This just all feels so half hearted.
I am feeling very burnout at work and this week got to a point where I said I can’t do it anymore. I am by far the main breadwinner and have a far more stressful job.
as part of the conversation DH agreed that he would be a bit more caring, ie for me to come home tonight with some nice food and drink. A good example of what would go a long way to making me feel valued.
he has made me feel like I am totally unreasonable

So did he get himself things he liked?

Could it just be that you're a perfectionist and he isn't?

Why would you say that? She's just said: he has form for not listening to what I actually want and getting food etc that I don’t really like

No, he had everything that he needed.
Im not a perfectionist at all. But he clearly doesn’t bother with attention to detail when it comes to me

OP said 'if this was reversed I would make sure everything was perfect'.

When I say that I would make everything perfect, I mean I would make sure I listened to what he asked for and did it.

I’ve left the house, packed a bag. Not sure where I am going.

Local inn with accommodation?

Im sorry, that's shit. You just wanted to feel like he cares.

Yes that’s exactly it. I just wanted to feel like he noticed and cared.

Almost as if he does it on purpose

He has messaged me as home asking where I am. Says he is sorry

I need to follow through with this don’t I?

I’d love to stay away. But a) my daughter will be upset and b) can’t really afford it

Don’t be egged on by random keyboard warriors who don’t live your life. You are not our Friday night entertainment.

Stop, think and then decide what’s right for you in real life.

How old is your daughter?

This!

I’d take an hour to calm down and then decide - almost certainly going home. Staying away is unlikely to help anything.

My daughter is 13