Falling for a much older guy

[Cheesepuffs1909]

For context I am in my 20's and the man I am falling for and pretty certain he feels the same is in his 50's
We both have kids but realistically is there likely to be any issues with this age gap?

My mind is confused and I am reluctant to act upon my feelings right now

Hi OP I think it depends on the individuals but I would be cautious. I was in a relationship with someone 20 years older and it didn’t work out due to misaligned values, beliefs etc.

would you mind me asking what some of the misaligned things were please? Thanks for the advice 😀

My lovely, please think very carefully. This man is 30 years older than you. That is one hell of a gap! When I was in my 50's I still looked (just about) and certainly acted like someone in their late 30's but that changed quite quickly as I approached 60. I don't mean I aged overnight, like a horror movie, but those whispy bits of youth I'd been hanging onto really did start to disappear. I slowed down, started to look my age and began to get little health problems related to age - some of them rather embarrassing. I would no more have wanted to be with someone in their 20's than fly round the moon. I wouldn't be able to keep up and I now have very different interests and ideas about the future which mainly involve relaxation - not chasing around after small kids and worrying about new kitchen units.

Also, please consider that you will be this man's automatic carer as he ages. You might think you don't mind, but trust me - you really will.

I wouldn’t even go there op. There may be chemistry and attraction but two people thirty years apart are firmly up against it. I’m early thirties and the idea of being with someone in their sixties is just alien to me, you’ll want different things. You’re reluctant for a reason.

Honestly, think twenty years into the future, you're in your forties and he's in his seventies, that may be great but equally there might likely be a huge difference between you both in terms of wellness, physical and / or mental, mobility, general fatigue etc etc.

In 5 years time this man will be officially into the elderly category. He can go in a night, in his sleep. There is not a guarantee for anything.....What is it that attracts you? Mature man sex appeal? Character, personality? Are you aware you may be shocked if you saw him naked.

Please don’t, OP. He’s had his youth and you also deserve to enjoy your youth with someone closer in age. I’m sure that he didn’t spend his 20’s with someone in their 50’s.

Presumably he’s around your Dad’s age?

No, dont do it. I am in my 40s now and the idea of being with someone in their 70s is deeply unappealing. I am not saying age gap relationships cant work but 30 years is a massive, massive gap and I personally wouldn't want to end up being his carer at the relatively young age of 40.

From personal experience I wouldn't recommend it.

Don't go there OP. When I was in my 20s I dated someone 15 years older than me, and even that age gap was too big.

The age gap will only get bigger as he gets older.

I'm nearly 60 and there's very few men in their 50's who haven't got out of date views on women and everything else. I drink in pubs, go out to watch the football/boxing and it's the crap they come out with that is the only downer.
Does he just want to shag you? Most men in their 50's wouldn't turn you down. You will be in your prime while he hits health issues. Long term, I'd say no, don't do it. Short term, fill your boots, although I don't know why you would unless he can give you something you can't give yourself.

I think it's creepy as fuck for a man in his 50s to want to be with a woman 30 years younger

and yet on the relationships page there is a woman in her 50s who finds all men her age physically repulsive, and the advice? find a man 20/30 years younger...

I was 23 and dated someone in their mid 40’s we had chemistry and dated for 2 years but the age gap was just too big we were at very different stages in our lives. Even now in my 30’s I know I did the correct thing ending it.

50s is in the elderly, come now. Very low probability of dying in his sleep.

OP, I’m nearly 50 and my DH is 52. Most of our friends are within a decade of our ages. To be blunt, people in their 50’s have life experience, some wisdom and can be fun-but we’ve also got aging bodies (definitely men as well as women), we’re not as up-to-date as we think we are, and many of us are looking forward to retirement!

Of course it would be lovely for us to have a 20-something to run around after us and enjoy sex with, but you’ll be getting the thin end of the wedge.

Wait for someone closer to your own age, you don’t want someone sliding towards 60 (believe me, everything’s sliding in your 50’s, for both men and women). 😂

No way. You can have control over your feelings, you don't need to fall for him, especially not with DC involved. If you were after a fling, that might be fine, but you sound like you're looking for long term. Have a quick search on here at all the women stuck with big age gaps and all the downsides they're dealing with. There's always the exception that proves the rule, but the vast majority are stuck with retirement-minded guys right when the woman is in her prime and it's hell, before you even get to the ED and emotional baggage and general exhaustion.

Let's not pretend the older woman/younger man set-up is even remotely anywhere near as prevalent as the opposite.

There'll be issues when he hits 60 and turns into a grumpy old bastard as 90% of them do and you're still young and vital. There'll be issues when you're in your prime in your 40's and potentially caring for a man in his 70's.

Age gap relationships seem a great idea until you both start to age.

Prevalence is completely irrelevant. This is about two specific cases, and the massive chasm in responses between them.

. He’s not nearly elderly ffs! 🤦🏼‍♀️
OP I would think carefully about generational differences in humour and shared experiences. DH and I laugh about similar things and childhood experiences, they bond you. DH is 52 and still very handsome and fitter than he was in his 20s but we have DDs in their 20s. Apart from youth, you can’t possibly be on the same wavelength.

age is just a number. Plenty of people the same age or similar break up dont they?

live for the moment. Neither of them might live that long and the ypunger one may die first anyway.

Go for the fling OP. Enjoy!

Go for it, see what happens, keep it under wraps, don’t shout it from the rooftops, don’t tell your kids, but just see.