Falling for a much older guy

[Cheesepuffs1909]

For context I am in my 20's and the man I am falling for and pretty certain he feels the same is in his 50's
We both have kids but realistically is there likely to be any issues with this age gap?

My mind is confused and I am reluctant to act upon my feelings right now

The power dynamic alone would be enough to make most women your age run a mile. Ask yourself why would a 50 year old man want with a woman young enough to be his granddaughter?

When you are as young as you, that’s a huge gap. Think carefully.

Op, don't do it. My MIL is a very fit and healthy woman in her late 60s. FIL is very unwell in mid 80s. They met when she was mid 30s and he early 50s.

She has almost no life outside of caring for him, partially because his care needs are so high and won't accept professional help, and partially because she is quite anxious and doesn't like leaving him alone. This means she doesn't see her grandchild (my DC) anywhere as much as she or we would like.

They are only 15 years apart and while I think she does love him still, she definitely resent the position she finds herself in and has been for about 5 years.

Wtf? I'm 38 and my DH is 55. He's not even close to being elderly. If anything he's fitter than I am😂 I'll have to let him know that he's close to the reaper and to be careful when he goes to sleep then🤣🤣🤣

I’m 16 years younger than DH. TBH don’t go there. I’m approaching 60 and I’m living with a lovely but very ill man. All has happened in last ten years. Been married 22.

Elderly’s not the correct description @Devilsmommy , late middle-aged is more accurate. I refuse to be close to elderly. 😂

But the 50’s are a transition decade, imo. I know that I’ll be a very different place in 10 years and about to turn 60.
I wouldn’t want my DD (19) to get involved with someone in their 50’s in a few years-obviously it will be her choice, but I wouldn’t recommend it!

oh my goodness, that is almost 20 years difference

I'm assuming you are closer to 30 than 20. If you are just after a fling, you don't have to worry about it if it makes you happy.

The age gap is a huge consideration, but not a deal breaker, if you are after something more long term. There is every chance you will become his carer for a long time, for example, and he might not have the pep to keep up with an active life style. As a man of that age, I don't think I'd consider anyone under 40.

You can always break up

My xh is with someone 20 years his junior, he's 53, and I can't for the life of me think what she sees in him! They've been together for 3 or 4 years so it's obviously working but absolutely wouldn't be for me! The 9 year age gap between us was just about OK but his ideals were far from mine (we only lasted 6 years!)

Come on. A 50 year old cannot have a 20 year old grandchild…

And you know nothing about the power dynamic

So whats it got to do with you???
Bet youve had relationships with people around your age and they have broken up.
Theres no guarantee with any relationship no matter what the age.

Think very carefully before you do anything. You could end up as a carer for an old man. Also consider your children. If they are young and he is old, is there going to be an issue if he finds them irritating as his tolerance is lower? Will they grow to resent him? Please put them first. From first hand experience, I'd be walking away from this one.

Sure if she just wants to shag him. If she actually wants a relationship he'd be a poor choice.

Indeed the rarity of it is why such a fuss was made about Madame and Monsieur Macron.

My DP is 24 years older than me. He is, by far, the most loving and loyal man I’ve ever known. Even now he is in his seventies we have an amazing sex life. He treats me with respect, which is far more than men closer to me in age ever did. He is constantly interested in the world, current affairs, new knowledge, helping people practically, makes me laugh, is warm and affectionate and rarely curmudgeony, is an equal with household chores and cooking.

I’d rather have just one year with him than ten years with someone else.

Life is too short not to grab at the chances of happiness.

I’m 51 and I wouldn’t date a man who was 61. There’s a lot of ageing in those ten years.

A firm No from me OP.

Love this 😊 just shows that age is a number and doesn't mean anything

How to resolve issues, i.e he thought it was okay to say anything at all in an argument no matter how awful because “it’s an argument”

Parenting - he was raised being smacked a lot etc.

General thoughts on immigration, racism etc.

Aside from that we got to a stage whereby he just got disinterested in most things because he had “been there done that” - which I think is entirely normal but not ideal if you both aren’t at the same point in life.

You'll end up being his carer at the prime of your life in 20 years time. When you're in your 40's, he'll be close to 70 & that's a massive gap in life experience. Ditch him now & find some one who is closer in age to you.

My DH is 17 years older than me, you would never know tbh.
Together 25 years 4 adult children. He is incredibly fit, intelligent and very handsome. He is the best of husbands and fathers. That said I would rather he were 7 years older than me as the thought of being without him is too much to bear. I have no regrets at all BUT 30 years is not the same.
A fling maybe but it’s not that easy to keep it at that.

What is your relationship like with your father OP?

i agree with the above. When in my 50s people thought I was early 40s. Now I’m late 50s and I get told I look 55. It just happens. Ailments start and I’m pretty fit, run three times a week and PT. 30 years is too big of a gap. You are so young. Get out there, have some fun and meet someone nearer your age.

I think it's only under very limited circumstances this can work. I know a similar age gap couple but they have a very niche hobby and lifestyle and met through this. And the older one of the two is VERY healthy and into fitness and will probably outlive all us younger ones!

But if that's not the case here I'd be tempted to let this one go....

For a long term relationship, I personally wouldn’t.

If there’s a lot of chemistry I don’t think a fling is an issue!

I am the product of just such a relationship and I advise you to run for the hills and don't look back. Why the actual my mother thought marrying a man twice her age at 26 was a good idea remains a mystery, but I can tell you that both she and I ended up his live in carers until he died when I was 18, slap bang in the middle of my a levels which actually ruined my life as I not only failed the lot but had ptsd from watching him die which I've never really recovered from. The whole thing makes my skin crawl and I think of my dad as one step above a paedophile if I'm honest 🤷‍♀️